Wife Is Mad At Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

[Anonymous]

It will NOT be 5-8. More like 10-15, at best. Be prepared for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I finally agreed on a house to purchase after going back and forth on two places that were virtually the same thing. We bought this house because it was in a slightly better school district. We agreed to do cosmetic changes to make it more her style, but now she has decided to redo way more than we agree to do. She wants to pay almost $1500 + work for a new kitchen island slab because she wants a new sink. She has decided to install custom built-ins in the closet, change the counter tops to a lighter gray in the bathroom, and redo the floors in the other bathroom. I told her I did not want to do all of this and it was unnecessary, and now she is mad at me. This will likely cost us about $5-8k total depending on finishes and labor. She keeps saying that we have the money and she wants to make the house prefect. Now I feel like the bad guy. Is this worth fighting over or should I just let her get her way? We are newly married and I don’t want to start a big fight, but I also don’t want to be a push over.

OP, I think your framing of the disagreement is a red flag. You're asking advice not on the merits of the disagreement (whether to change countertops, hardware, etc.) but the power dynamics in your relationship (the precedent you would set by giving in/holding your ground). Why is that? Why is it a relationship forum issue for you rather than a home improvement forum issue?

For the future of your marriage, you need to figure this out, or you will have this same argument over and over but with new facts and new situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newly married and buying a house. Still in debt from the wedding?

OP here. No. We paid for wedding with savings. We have no debt now excerpt for our mortgage and our cars.

OP do you and your DW have a budget? Do you agree on savings, investment and broad categories of spending?

[Anonymous]

That is nothing. You are being crazy.

[Anonymous]

5-8k???? Maybe you two should not have purchased a home. We spend about 15 - 21k yearly on maintenance and upgrades for our homes (1 rental and 1 we live in)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

Do you give your children everything they want, especially if they demand it with anger and tantrums?

No, and it’s not because you don’t care what they want and don’t want them to be happy.

If you give in to emotional blackmail, neither you nor the kid will be happy. And the same applies to emotional or sexual blackmail from a wife.

That analogy is scary. A wife is supposed to be an equal partner, so NOTHING like a child.

Children have neither the authority nor the judgement to make financial decisions . Is that how you think of your wife? If she is so childlike to you…maybe stop #*#ing her?

[Anonymous]

It seems wasteful to rip out perfectly nice finishes and throw them in the trash just because of design preferences. Bad for the environment and wasteful spending. Ask her if she wants to take 10k out of the furnishings budget to do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

OP here. No. Unlike most, I take of my skin and know quite a bit about thanks for wife and mom. My mom was a dermatologist and taught me a lot about skin growing up. My wife takes very good care of her skin and had been teaching me to do that same. I don’t go all out but I use a vitamin c serum she uses, a moisturizer, and a sunscreen. Men can take care of their skin too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

OP here. No. Unlike most, I take of my skin and know quite a bit about thanks for wife and mom. My mom was a dermatologist and taught me a lot about skin growing up. My wife takes very good care of her skin and had been teaching me to do that same. I don’t go all out but I use a vitamin c serum she uses, a moisturizer, and a sunscreen. Men can take care of their skin too.

That’s great! Honestly I love it. I was so happy when DH started using sunscreen daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

OP here. No. Unlike most, I take of my skin and know quite a bit about thanks for wife and mom. My mom was a dermatologist and taught me a lot about skin growing up. My wife takes very good care of her skin and had been teaching me to do that same. I don’t go all out but I use a vitamin c serum she uses, a moisturizer, and a sunscreen. Men can take care of their skin too.

+1. I’m a woman but my husband does the same thing. He isn’t not well informed about products, but he knows the word “ skincare”. Who doesn’t know that? There are many men who take good care of their skin. They may not use as many products as women, but you would be surprised how many men go to see a dermatologist for general skincare. There is nothing wrong with men having known of skincare and wanting to take better care of their skin.

[Anonymous]

Do it. It's not that much money and if she has a lot of opinions and you have the funds, best to do it at the outset. You get to pick the vacation this year!

[Anonymous]

<b>Two adults should care about helping each other get what they want, and respect each other's judgment enough not to second-guess. If it would cause a financial catastrophe, of course that's another matter. But if it's simply a matter that one spouse doesn't think it's "worth it" then it turns into a matter of respect. Your wife doesn't see things the same way you do, and that's okay. You don't need to see everything the same way. You just need to respect each other's POV. </b>


This line from a pp struck me. Have you had a conversation about your thoughts on this? Have you proposed potential compromises? I feel my dh and I are often in similar situations and he generally dismisses my feelings. It’s really frustrating.

[Anonymous]

You made a bad financial decision of buying a house you plan to sell in maybe 3 years and you are sweating $5k? I don’t understand that thinking.

[Anonymous]

Which of you does the majority of cooking? That person decides it.