Wife Is Mad At Me

[Anonymous]

My wife and I finally agreed on a house to purchase after going back and forth on two places that were virtually the same thing. We bought this house because it was in a slightly better school district. We agreed to do cosmetic changes to make it more her style, but now she has decided to redo way more than we agree to do. She wants to pay almost $1500 + work for a new kitchen island slab because she wants a new sink. She has decided to install custom built-ins in the closet, change the counter tops to a lighter gray in the bathroom, and redo the floors in the other bathroom. I told her I did not want to do all of this and it was unnecessary, and now she is mad at me. This will likely cost us about $5-8k total depending on finishes and labor. She keeps saying that we have the money and she wants to make the house prefect. Now I feel like the bad guy. Is this worth fighting over or should I just let her get her way? We are newly married and I don’t want to start a big fight, but I also don’t want to be a push over.

[Anonymous]

Stand your ground or she will think she can win any argument if she gets mad.

[Anonymous]

Even though I feel like this is a troll:
Does she work/have her own income?

[Anonymous]

Ah, the woes of newlyweds! If you have the money do it. The saying “happy wife, happy life” is no joke.

[Anonymous]

$5k isn’t much when it comes to renovations if you have the money. Why not compromise here and set a number? You will be there a while and will use the kitchen most days, right? I also feel like in marriage, everyone gets their turn to be the pushover. You with the remodel, her with something else.

[Anonymous]

We spent 200K gut-renovating. You're getting off easy, OP!
Seriously, if you can afford it, make her happy.

[Anonymous]

$5-8k is a very small upgrade budget for most DMV neighborhoods. Do you live here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I finally agreed on a house to purchase after going back and forth on two places that were virtually the same thing. We bought this house because it was in a slightly better school district. We agreed to do cosmetic changes to make it more her style, but now she has decided to redo way more than we agree to do. She wants to pay almost $1500 + work for a new kitchen island slab because she wants a new sink. She has decided to install custom built-ins in the closet, change the counter tops to a lighter gray in the bathroom, and redo the floors in the other bathroom. I told her I did not want to do all of this and it was unnecessary, and now she is mad at me. This will likely cost us about $5-8k total depending on finishes and labor. She keeps saying that we have the money and she wants to make the house prefect. Now I feel like the bad guy. Is this worth fighting over or should I just let her get her way? We are newly married and I don’t want to start a big fight, but I also don’t want to be a push over.

That’s peanuts for home maintenance or improvement, boy are you in for a rude awakening being a homeowner.

[Anonymous]

Set a budget and butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though I feel like this is a troll:
Does she work/have her own income?

OP here. I’m not a troll. She has a specific idea of what she’s likes. We went through over 20 houses and she couldn’t like them for the smallest reasons. She likes things her style ( which is basically just white, gray, and black). She said why should she pay all this money for a house that she doesn’t love coming home to? We agreed that we would do minor things like paints and change out down hardware in the kitchen and bathrooms.

She works FT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$5-8k is a very small upgrade budget for most DMV neighborhoods. Do you live here?

OP here. I admit that I’m a naive to what things cost. I just don’t see the point in “ upgrading” to what basically looks like the same thing.

[Anonymous]

OP—this is relationship 101. Discuss, negotiate and compromise. You have to both be committed to making this work. What can you both live with? What is at the root of your aversion to spending the money? What’s at the root of her desire to renovate?

Don’t be afraid of the conflict. Deal with this head-on.

[Anonymous]

Pick the item that bothers her most and start there. Agree to live in the house 3-6 months before deciding on further changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent 200K gut-renovating. You're getting off easy, OP!
Seriously, if you can afford it, make her happy.

OP here. We specifically chose houses that were move in-ready. We will only be here for 3, maybe 5 years tops. I don’t want to spend money that will not increase resale value.

[Anonymous]

Happy wife, happy life. If you have the money, do it.