Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Four people have to get up and get ready. Two are kids who are out of their routine, and one of those is young enough to still need shepherding. Everyone may not be sleeping well, especially if the four of them are sharing one room. Mom and dad may be undercaffeinated and more tired than usual (that’s what happens to me when I travel). 8:3 breakfast is about what I’d be able to manage. You should eat earlier, separately, and then enjoy a second cup of coffee to sip and sit with them when they come down to breakfast. Find activities that work for everyone’s schedule. Kids slow everything down during travel.

I don't assume everyone needs to shower and get cleaned up, so it shouldn't take an hour between waking up and being ready. If they are going to be lake swimming all day they can just get dressed quickly and head down. I wouldn't bathe my kids before breakfast. Especially if in the lake, they would have a shower/bath before bed. But I agree with eating separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Meant to say: what do you want OP to tell her son/DIL: “Well, an anonymous internet poster’s kids get up early, and early breakfast and activities sound great, so you should be that way, too?”

No, my comment about my own kids at that age was just to point out that it is not unreasonable for a resort catering to families, that had a lot of activities planned, to hold breakfast up until 9 am. Many kids are early risers. This sounds like it isn't a resort where couples go to leisurely lounge around the beach or pool or spa. It's a place with lots of family activities. Rise and shine, get the kids doing things, kind of place.

The DIL comment is just to point out that OP didn't pick this place out thinking it'd be great for the family -- the mother of the kids picked it out! The father of the kids agreed apparently so they knew they were going to a location where the point was to have a lot of activities to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Meant to say: what do you want OP to tell her son/DIL: “Well, an anonymous internet poster’s kids get up early, and early breakfast and activities sound great, so you should be that way, too?”

No, my comment about my own kids at that age was just to point out that it is not unreasonable for a resort catering to families, that had a lot of activities planned, to hold breakfast up until 9 am. Many kids are early risers. This sounds like it isn't a resort where couples go to leisurely lounge around the beach or pool or spa. It's a place with lots of family activities. Rise and shine, get the kids doing things, kind of place.

The DIL comment is just to point out that OP didn't pick this place out thinking it'd be great for the family -- the mother of the kids picked it out! The father of the kids agreed apparently so they knew they were going to a location where the point was to have a lot of activities to do.

Yeah gee maybe they picked it thinking they could sleep in for a change and then do some activities at your own pace! Who said “the point” was “to have a lot of activities to do”…you? Maybe son and DIL are content with just a few activities a day, and lots of relaxing and just taking a nice nature walk or whatever.

No one cares what your preferences and schedule are. They don’t factor in here. Clearly OP’s son and DIL don’t want to run on a strict clock on…wait for it…vacation.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a grandmother-aged person who has been Not A Morning Person since earliest childhood: imo, meeting the agreed deadline to leave for or begin an all-family activity for the day is the only mandatory expectation for family vacations. If some family members of whatever age decide sleep takes precedence over breakfast, that's their decision. (Hint: if you sleep late enough, lunch comes really soon after waking; you won't starve.) If family meals together, properly cleaned up and dressed for the occasion, are a priority, try to agree to schedule those at non-controversial times of day, like lunch or dinner. Kids and parents who are not naturally early risers suffer so much of the year under norms that have them awake far too early, vacation really needs to be a time when they can sleep more according to their circadian rhythms. Don't expect quality family time to happen together when they've been dragged out of bed too early, anyway. (And conversely. arrangements for family time together should accommodate those who simply can't cope with late nights.)

[Anonymous]

Go to breakfast when you want and enjoy it. You are not conjoined sictuplets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four people have to get up and get ready. Two are kids who are out of their routine, and one of those is young enough to still need shepherding. Everyone may not be sleeping well, especially if the four of them are sharing one room. Mom and dad may be undercaffeinated and more tired than usual (that’s what happens to me when I travel). 8:3 breakfast is about what I’d be able to manage. You should eat earlier, separately, and then enjoy a second cup of coffee to sip and sit with them when they come down to breakfast. Find activities that work for everyone’s schedule. Kids slow everything down during travel.

I don't assume everyone needs to shower and get cleaned up, so it shouldn't take an hour between waking up and being ready. If they are going to be lake swimming all day they can just get dressed quickly and head down. I wouldn't bathe my kids before breakfast. Especially if in the lake, they would have a shower/bath before bed. But I agree with eating separately.

“It shouldn’t”…um, who are you to determine what complete strangers and their kids should do with their morning?!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm 60 -- not a grandmother yet, but a MIL (of a wonderful young woman -- DS is a very lucky guy to have found her). I'm also a morning person and have been one my whole life. I've spent many mornings on vacations -- with family, with friends, with my sisters and SILs, etc. getting up hours before everyone else. I read, I meditate, I go for a walk, I stretch, I do the NYT crossword puzzle. I enjoy those early morning hours and I let other people sleep. When they wake up, I enjoy my time with them because they're cheerful and well-rested. And when I need to go to sleep at 10 pm, they don't complain, which I appreciate immensely and perceive as a gesture of love. Try to chill and be grateful for the time you are spending with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I predict they may not take you up on your future offers, op.

Of course they will. People like this love freebie vacations, and see absolutely nothing wrong with accepting them and then doing exactly what they want to do.

[Anonymous]

OP, aren't there times you "retire" to the bedroom but you're not really "going to sleep"? Not right away. You say goodnight and retire to the bedroom because you are announcing to houseguests or family that you are saying "goodnight". You need some alone time. You want to wind down. To read. Whatever. Whether DIL/SIL/KIDS are sleeping, actually sleeping in/or just hanging out in their room in the morning is none of your business --- they aren't ready to start their day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four people have to get up and get ready. Two are kids who are out of their routine, and one of those is young enough to still need shepherding. Everyone may not be sleeping well, especially if the four of them are sharing one room. Mom and dad may be undercaffeinated and more tired than usual (that’s what happens to me when I travel). 8:3 breakfast is about what I’d be able to manage. You should eat earlier, separately, and then enjoy a second cup of coffee to sip and sit with them when they come down to breakfast. Find activities that work for everyone’s schedule. Kids slow everything down during travel.

I don't assume everyone needs to shower and get cleaned up, so it shouldn't take an hour between waking up and being ready. If they are going to be lake swimming all day they can just get dressed quickly and head down. I wouldn't bathe my kids before breakfast. Especially if in the lake, they would have a shower/bath before bed. But I agree with eating separately.

“It shouldn’t”…um, who are you to determine what complete strangers and their kids should do with their morning?!

Because people keeps assuming everyone has to shower first. If you're not showering would it still take an hour? And like I'm "determining" anything. We're all just spitballing here. Stop taking it so seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict they may not take you up on your future offers, op.

Of course they will. People like this love freebie vacations, and see absolutely nothing wrong with accepting them and then doing exactly what they want to do.

Why shouldn’t they do what they want to do ON VACATION?

Oh, it’s a gift so it should only please the giver? Does your husband only buy you things HE likes for YOUR birthday?

People like you are why I have never accepted money or vacation offers from my ILs. I learned from my sister and her wife (who got married two years before we did) that gifts come with strings attached in that family, and DH and I wanted to part of it.

[Anonymous]

You should have told your son months ago that if you're paying for the vacation (or even if not, I'm guessing) then you expect him to set alarm clocks for 6am and drag their small children out of bed kicking and screaming so that they can be showered and dressed and ready and meet you every day for breakfast at 7am sharp.

My guess is that they would have declined your generous invitation and gone on a real vacation instead.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing OP booked adjoining rooms and eats cupcakes in front of DIL. Be careful granny or they will pack and leave early! So glad I don’t vacation with my ILs, I work too hard to spend vacation time with DH and DC stressed out. So awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict they may not take you up on your future offers, op.

Of course they will. People like this love freebie vacations, and see absolutely nothing wrong with accepting them and then doing exactly what they want to do.

Why shouldn’t they do what they want to do ON VACATION?

Oh, it’s a gift so it should only please the giver? Does your husband only buy you things HE likes for YOUR birthday?

People like you are why I have never accepted money or vacation offers from my ILs. I learned from my sister and her wife (who got married two years before we did) that gifts come with strings attached in that family, and DH and I wanted to part of it.

If that was the deal, then OP could have/ would have sent them on vacation by themselves, as a family of four. The point of this trip was to spend time with extended family (OP and husband). Of course there are strings attached if you accept a trip under those circumstances.

You sound like quite the peach yourself if you don't know that.

[Anonymous]

Op, when you travel with kids, you need to adapt to the kids. Period. You can’t blame your dil. Yes, you may have raised your kids differently (I hear that ALL the time) but her kids are not the same as your kids. Forget the whole showering before breakfast idea which is just ridiculous on vacation. It isn’t like you are at Disney and need to get to one of the parks for extra hours. You’re at a resort. If you are going fishing on a boat and you end up fishing for 3 hours instead of 4, does it really matter as long as the kids aren’t crabby? If you expected them to be showered and dressed at 8 to eat so they could play this game at 9 and then go play another game at 10 and then do something else at 11, I know my kids would have gone nuts at that age. My kids needed a lot of down time and did not thrive on a lot of activity. Clearly, you do. Go find an “activity” to do while they are showering so you feel you are getting your money’s worth from the trip. And how many times have you mentioned to them that you are treating? I bet they would rather take no vacation than a vacation with these judgments.