Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Americans have given up on the idea of the Family Matriarch or Patriarch having power over the rest of the adults. But add the elder's money (now or future money) into the equation, and it's harder for all adults to treat each other as equal peers.

I make my own money, as does my husband. The idea that my homemaker MIL wields financial power over me is laughable. She’s nice, and we get along, but when she tries to be controlling, I just reply with a bemused smile. Oh, I’m not going to inherit her Tupperware? M’kay.

Look, I don’t think grandparents should run the show based on money, but the tone of this post is pretty awful. It comes across as dismissive and superior based on life choices.

Uh, yeah. I choose to support myself and to make financial decisions with only my partner’s input. I choose to live an independent life. Sorry if you choose to let your parents or ILs call the shots in your life. I am too smart for that, and I have too much self-respect for that. You do you. It’s 2021. If you choose to live like it’s 1935, live your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine eating breakfast on vacation before 9 am. What kind of vacation is that?!

If you're need to sleep why wouldn't you just take time off to sleep at home? Why would you pay money to go somewhere new and different just to stay in bed half the day?

“Half the day” is midafternoon, you rigid, uptight Puritan.

Half the day is lunchtime. Sleeping until 9 is not "half the day".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Americans have given up on the idea of the Family Matriarch or Patriarch having power over the rest of the adults. But add the elder's money (now or future money) into the equation, and it's harder for all adults to treat each other as equal peers.

I make my own money, as does my husband. The idea that my homemaker MIL wields financial power over me is laughable. She’s nice, and we get along, but when she tries to be controlling, I just reply with a bemused smile. Oh, I’m not going to inherit her Tupperware? M’kay.

Look, I don’t think grandparents should run the show based on money, but the tone of this post is pretty awful. It comes across as dismissive and superior based on life choices.

Uh, yeah. I choose to support myself and to make financial decisions with only my partner’s input. I choose to live an independent life. Sorry if you choose to let your parents or ILs call the shots in your life. I am too smart for that, and I have too much self-respect for that. You do you. It’s 2021. If you choose to live like it’s 1935, live your choice.

Ugh. Not redeeming yourself. Independent women are secure with themselves, and don’t need to spout off like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Being together is rather the point of a family vacation

OP, also you need to accept that your barometer of "enough" time together may very well be different than theirs. Both parties liekly want things to go well. But they may know in their bones that x hours of togetherness is the right amount, and not y. More and they aren't at their best. Again, you can not and should not impose your will.

You aren't in charge. The sooner you accept that the better.

I am not interested in imposing my will. But I do think rushed breakfasts and missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least.

OP, your way of thinking reminds me of my father in law, who likes to plan every single minute of a vacation and expect others to follow along, little kids or others’ preferences be damned. And yes, he pays for the “vacation.” After seeing this dynamic play out with my BIL and his family, we politely declined his offer of an all expenses paid trip to Europe with our then toddler.