Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Being together is rather the point of a family vacation

OP, also you need to accept that your barometer of "enough" time together may very well be different than theirs. Both parties liekly want things to go well. But they may know in their bones that x hours of togetherness is the right amount, and not y. More and they aren't at their best. Again, you can not and should not impose your will.

You aren't in charge. The sooner you accept that the better.

I am not interested in imposing my will. But I do think rushed breakfasts and missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least.

Holy smokes.

This was on page 2. Can't wait to see what other gems the OP posts after this.

OP, if you're wondering, your passive aggressive tendencies may be a reason that they don't want to spend more time with you. But I'm betting there are other reasons, too.

If your "treating" comes with expectations and you didn't communicate those expectations, then that it your own fault. You need to be clear if there are conditions to a gift.

If there are conditions attached to a gift, the it is not a true gift after all.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read the whole thread but I’m curious - is this Woodloch Pines? If so, breakfast is soooo good. It just might not be the right place for that family because meals are during set windows (or rent one of the houses and just do your own meals)

[Anonymous]

My mom was always upset about this too when we went on vacation together. I'm in my 60s now. My husband and I, and kids, are night owls, while my parents were not. We were working full time, going to grad school, my husband had 2 jobs, we were up with kid's HW and activities, so vacation for us was a huge mental break, but for them it was a schedule of things, including being on the beach by a certain
time. Sometimes we all willingly slept through breakfast because we finally could.

Another vacation that they actually paid for was Disney World, $$$$$$, and we definitely met them for earlier breakfast even though I showed up with a huge flu after we were driving for a day and a half to get there. I stayed in the hotel room for 2 days and slept in the rest of the days because I was really wiped and weak. But I felt guilty. We all felt guilty.

Here's what we all would have differently now that it's over...they are gone, we are older, our kids are adults, no grandkids yet. I would give anything to go back and have that time with them, have all of us together, do things on the beach and everywhere and anywhere. They aren't here to say that, but close to when my Dad died he said something about wishing we could all go back in time and not worry about "dumb things" that "don't matter."

I think this is one of those things. It's a vacation. Meet in the middle, let them sleep a bit, they are tired, but set up things you all agree to do together. It won't be everything or everyday-even if you are footing the bill for missed breakfasts, or whatever. You are together. You are here now, and we don't know about next year, right? Or five years, even. Those kids will be grown and in college, not at the lake vacation with any of you. Just blink and that's how fast it goes.You are on vacation to be together, not to eat breakfast by 8.

Enjoy this summer. You are all together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is reasonable to go to breakfast on your own. Meet up together at 10. You sound horrible granny

I’m not horrible! I end up cutting food and fetching more juice instead of enjoying my own food half the time.

NP. You really are. Just leave them alone to have their breakfast. No one needs a juice fetcher and food slicer. Have your breakfast alone then meet up with them later. Stop martyring yourself lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was always upset about this too when we went on vacation together. I'm in my 60s now. My husband and I, and kids, are night owls, while my parents were not. We were working full time, going to grad school, my husband had 2 jobs, we were up with kid's HW and activities, so vacation for us was a huge mental break, but for them it was a schedule of things, including being on the beach by a certain
time. Sometimes we all willingly slept through breakfast because we finally could.

Another vacation that they actually paid for was Disney World, $$$$$$, and we definitely met them for earlier breakfast even though I showed up with a huge flu after we were driving for a day and a half to get there. I stayed in the hotel room for 2 days and slept in the rest of the days because I was really wiped and weak. But I felt guilty. We all felt guilty.

Here's what we all would have differently now that it's over...they are gone, we are older, our kids are adults, no grandkids yet. I would give anything to go back and have that time with them, have all of us together, do things on the beach and everywhere and anywhere. They aren't here to say that, but close to when my Dad died he said something about wishing we could all go back in time and not worry about "dumb things" that "don't matter."

I think this is one of those things. It's a vacation. Meet in the middle, let them sleep a bit, they are tired, but set up things you all agree to do together. It won't be everything or everyday-even if you are footing the bill for missed breakfasts, or whatever. You are together. You are here now, and we don't know about next year, right? Or five years, even. Those kids will be grown and in college, not at the lake vacation with any of you. Just blink and that's how fast it goes.You are on vacation to be together, not to eat breakfast by 8.

Enjoy this summer. You are all together.

^Wisdom.

Hope it will be considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to breakfast when you want and enjoy it. You are not conjoined sictuplets.

hahahha this is great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was always upset about this too when we went on vacation together. I'm in my 60s now. My husband and I, and kids, are night owls, while my parents were not. We were working full time, going to grad school, my husband had 2 jobs, we were up with kid's HW and activities, so vacation for us was a huge mental break, but for them it was a schedule of things, including being on the beach by a certain
time. Sometimes we all willingly slept through breakfast because we finally could.

Another vacation that they actually paid for was Disney World, $$$$$$, and we definitely met them for earlier breakfast even though I showed up with a huge flu after we were driving for a day and a half to get there. I stayed in the hotel room for 2 days and slept in the rest of the days because I was really wiped and weak. But I felt guilty. We all felt guilty.

Here's what we all would have differently now that it's over...they are gone, we are older, our kids are adults, no grandkids yet. I would give anything to go back and have that time with them, have all of us together, do things on the beach and everywhere and anywhere. They aren't here to say that, but close to when my Dad died he said something about wishing we could all go back in time and not worry about "dumb things" that "don't matter."

I think this is one of those things. It's a vacation. Meet in the middle, let them sleep a bit, they are tired, but set up things you all agree to do together. It won't be everything or everyday-even if you are footing the bill for missed breakfasts, or whatever. You are together. You are here now, and we don't know about next year, right? Or five years, even. Those kids will be grown and in college, not at the lake vacation with any of you. Just blink and that's how fast it goes.You are on vacation to be together, not to eat breakfast by 8.

Enjoy this summer. You are all together.

^Wisdom.

Hope it will be considered.

Aww this made me tear up. Such a gift of wisdom. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to discuss your plan for the day. Including what time people expect to wake and have breakfast

Yes but every time I bring this up, they say “whenever we wake up.” Kind of hard to plan.

So only make plans in the afternoons and evenings. Why do you think you have the right to dictate their vacation mornings, lady? Let them, you know, RELAX.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to discuss your plan for the day. Including what time people expect to wake and have breakfast

Yes but every time I bring this up, they say “whenever we wake up.” Kind of hard to plan.

So only make plans in the afternoons and evenings. Why do you think you have the right to dictate their vacation mornings, lady? Let them, you know, RELAX.

Mom probably bought the meal plan for all, and is also worried about how they will all actually eat breakfast since it's timed. I get the cost thing, but Mom should just "eat" the cost at this juncture. No pun intended. As far as the access issue, they are adults and if they choose to skip or whatever, that's their problem not Mom's.Mom doesn't need to secure food for them later.

But, seriously, this all could help been resolved and settled with communication before. The younger set needs a break, it is supposed to be a vacation and they need that vacation from life. They don't need schedules.

Mom, just relax a bit, and next year make plans before.

[Anonymous]

OP's family will look back and be relieved they no longer have to vacation with someone so self-centered and rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to discuss your plan for the day. Including what time people expect to wake and have breakfast

Yes but every time I bring this up, they say “whenever we wake up.” Kind of hard to plan.

So only make plans in the afternoons and evenings. Why do you think you have the right to dictate their vacation mornings, lady? Let them, you know, RELAX.

Mom probably bought the meal plan for all, and is also worried about how they will all actually eat breakfast since it's timed. I get the cost thing, but Mom should just "eat" the cost at this juncture. No pun intended. As far as the access issue, they are adults and if they choose to skip or whatever, that's their problem not Mom's.Mom doesn't need to secure food for them later.

But, seriously, this all could help been resolved and settled with communication before. The younger set needs a break, it is supposed to be a vacation and they need that vacation from life. They don't need schedules.

Mom, just relax a bit, and next year make plans before.

Who is “mom”? OP s old. She’s grandma. Adults can take care of themselves and their own kids. No such thing as “mom”
To grown-ass adults. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to discuss your plan for the day. Including what time people expect to wake and have breakfast

Yes but every time I bring this up, they say “whenever we wake up.” Kind of hard to plan.

So only make plans in the afternoons and evenings. Why do you think you have the right to dictate their vacation mornings, lady? Let them, you know, RELAX.

Mom probably bought the meal plan for all, and is also worried about how they will all actually eat breakfast since it's timed. I get the cost thing, but Mom should just "eat" the cost at this juncture. No pun intended. As far as the access issue, they are adults and if they choose to skip or whatever, that's their problem not Mom's.Mom doesn't need to secure food for them later.

But, seriously, this all could help been resolved and settled with communication before. The younger set needs a break, it is supposed to be a vacation and they need that vacation from life. They don't need schedules.

Mom, just relax a bit, and next year make plans before.

Who is “mom”? OP s old. She’s grandma. Adults can take care of themselves and their own kids. No such thing as “mom”
To grown-ass adults. Stop.

Yes, Mom is OP...as in mother to the adult children she is referring to. She is NOT their grandma. She is not old, either. She is likely in her 60s. She is also the one who planned the trip and apparently paid for it.

Reading comprehension! Pretty sure you didn't understand this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to discuss your plan for the day. Including what time people expect to wake and have breakfast

Yes but every time I bring this up, they say “whenever we wake up.” Kind of hard to plan.

So only make plans in the afternoons and evenings. Why do you think you have the right to dictate their vacation mornings, lady? Let them, you know, RELAX.

Mom probably bought the meal plan for all, and is also worried about how they will all actually eat breakfast since it's timed. I get the cost thing, but Mom should just "eat" the cost at this juncture. No pun intended. As far as the access issue, they are adults and if they choose to skip or whatever, that's their problem not Mom's.Mom doesn't need to secure food for them later.

But, seriously, this all could help been resolved and settled with communication before. The younger set needs a break, it is supposed to be a vacation and they need that vacation from life. They don't need schedules.

Mom, just relax a bit, and next year make plans before.

Who is “mom”? OP s old. She’s grandma. Adults can take care of themselves and their own kids. No such thing as “mom”
To grown-ass adults. Stop.

Yes, Mom is OP...as in mother to the adult children she is referring to. She is NOT their grandma. She is not old, either. She is likely in her 60s. She is also the one who planned the trip and apparently paid for it.

Reading comprehension! Pretty sure you didn't understand this thread.

With multi-generation vacationing family, “Mom” is the mom of small children. Not grown adults. OP is overstepping by trying to run the show. It’s for the parents to decide how long the family sleeps, and whether a “leisurely breakfast” is a priority. GRANDMA needs to take a back seat. GRANDMA can go get breakfast and coffee whenever she likes, and leave the young family to catch up on sleep and eat breakfast when it suits. Them GRANDMA is welcome to go do the early-morning activity if she is so damn eager. No one is stopping her.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of when DH, I and our then 3 yr DC drove 4 hours to a family wedding where no kids were allowed- not only did I have to hole up in the hotel room alone with DC, the next morning we were expected at breakfast to toast the bride and groom (again) while DHs family harassed me about not leaving DC with “a volunteer from church” back home, 4 hours drive away. Last time we vacation with grandparents who think they still run the show. OP sounds like the type of mother to insist her children celebrate her on Mother’s Day and not their wives. Poor DL- the contempt from OP
Is so clear in her writing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of when DH, I and our then 3 yr DC drove 4 hours to a family wedding where no kids were allowed- not only did I have to hole up in the hotel room alone with DC, the next morning we were expected at breakfast to toast the bride and groom (again) while DHs family harassed me about not leaving DC with “a volunteer from church” back home, 4 hours drive away. Last time we vacation with grandparents who think they still run the show. OP sounds like the type of mother to insist her children celebrate her on Mother’s Day and not their wives. Poor DL- the contempt from OP
Is so clear in her writing.

You didn’t “have to” do anything, dipshyt. That’s what the REGRETS box is for. Tick it next time, stay home. Stop whining about your own damn choice to go.

Or go but hire a nanny. Stop being cheap.