Am I being unreasonable? Mother needs to get up several times during the night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it's annoying yes, but I would do it for my mom
Can't imagine asking her to wear a diaper.

Typical response from someone who has never had to do it.

+1

We are in the middle of this too. It is incredibly hard on everyone.

[Anonymous]

I know it’s hard! We have all been there (being a parent of babies) but imagine yourself in her situation. You are already feeling awful, can’t not do most of the things you used to, you have to stay in somebody else’s house, and you are being asked to pee in a diaper? I don’t want to sound mean, but try to emphasize

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new issue with medicine or an ongoing issue? Is vaginal mesh or pelvic PT an option for the future if this is ongoing?

When I was pregnant I wanted to pee every 1.5 hours at night too. I had to cut myself off from liquids at 8pm or 3 hours before bedtime. And then I laid down for 30-60 minutes before I went to bed. Your kidneys work better when you're horizontal so this helped.

Do not get a mesh

They are awful

Tons of lawsuits

[Anonymous]

Ask her doctor to put her on Trospium. She won’t have to go as often. It worked wonders for me.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post. First, you must address her over-active bladder. My 80 year old mom gets Botox shots (YES - BOTOX!) in her bladder every 5 months. It is a life-saver. Your mom does not have enough urine to go every 1.5 hours. The issue is the muscles in her bladder over-reacting. Botox is the answer on this Trust. Find her a good uro-gynocologist. You - and she - will be so happy once this is addressed.

Second, get her a portable potty and make sure it is securely against the wall. Watch her use it during the day to make sure she is being careful. My mom has been using a portable potty next to her bed for 4 years now and she has never fallen from it.

Lastly, calmly remind her that you love her and want to help but that she needs to realize that you are not superwoman and therefore she will not be able to get everything the way "she" wants it. If you give her everything she wants, she will expect more - which is completely unreasonable. I assume you otherwise have a life, no? Maybe a partner? Kids? Pets? Friends? a job? Hobbies? It may take time - and serious frustration - but her attitude needs an adjustment. You clearly love her. Do not accept guilt trips.

Best of luck to you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it’s hard! We have all been there (being a parent of babies) but imagine yourself in her situation. You are already feeling awful, can’t not do most of the things you used to, you have to stay in somebody else’s house, and you are being asked to pee in a diaper? I don’t want to sound mean, but try to emphasize

The empathy line. Dear LORD

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this post. First, you must address her over-active bladder. My 80 year old mom gets Botox shots (YES - BOTOX!) in her bladder every 5 months. It is a life-saver. Your mom does not have enough urine to go every 1.5 hours. The issue is the muscles in her bladder over-reacting. Botox is the answer on this Trust. Find her a good uro-gynocologist. You - and she - will be so happy once this is addressed.

Second, get her a portable potty and make sure it is securely against the wall. Watch her use it during the day to make sure she is being careful. My mom has been using a portable potty next to her bed for 4 years now and she has never fallen from it.

Lastly, calmly remind her that you love her and want to help but that she needs to realize that you are not superwoman and therefore she will not be able to get everything the way "she" wants it. If you give her everything she wants, she will expect more - which is completely unreasonable. I assume you otherwise have a life, no? Maybe a partner? Kids? Pets? Friends? a job? Hobbies? It may take time - and serious frustration - but her attitude needs an adjustment. You clearly love her. Do not accept guilt trips.

Best of luck to you!!

THIS is a helpful post. Not the OP but bless you, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this post. First, you must address her over-active bladder. My 80 year old mom gets Botox shots (YES - BOTOX!) in her bladder every 5 months. It is a life-saver. Your mom does not have enough urine to go every 1.5 hours. The issue is the muscles in her bladder over-reacting. Botox is the answer on this Trust. Find her a good uro-gynocologist. You - and she - will be so happy once this is addressed.

Second, get her a portable potty and make sure it is securely against the wall. Watch her use it during the day to make sure she is being careful. My mom has been using a portable potty next to her bed for 4 years now and she has never fallen from it.

Lastly, calmly remind her that you love her and want to help but that she needs to realize that you are not superwoman and therefore she will not be able to get everything the way "she" wants it. If you give her everything she wants, she will expect more - which is completely unreasonable. I assume you otherwise have a life, no? Maybe a partner? Kids? Pets? Friends? a job? Hobbies? It may take time - and serious frustration - but her attitude needs an adjustment. You clearly love her. Do not accept guilt trips.

Best of luck to you!!

Who knows, OP’s mom might not be so difficult if she got some sleep too.

THIS is a helpful post. Not the OP but bless you, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it’s hard! We have all been there (being a parent of babies) but imagine yourself in her situation. You are already feeling awful, can’t not do most of the things you used to, you have to stay in somebody else’s house, and you are being asked to pee in a diaper? I don’t want to sound mean, but try to emphasize

The empathy line. Dear LORD

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

OP was complaining after one night. One night.

Look, my dad was in skilled nursing for the last year of his life, and he wore depends to bed. That was fine. But OP has zero tolerance for what her mother needs, and she needs to find someplace that will treat her with respect. That isn’t with OP.

[Anonymous]

I am 46, and unfortunately go to the bathroom every 1.5 hrs at night. It's bad and I absolutely hate it, as the nights seem so long...but you get used to it. I am afraid diapers for your mom will lead to UTIs and skin issues after a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m reading all the replies and really appreciate them. I don’t mean to come across as heartless as my family and I have taken her in. She’s a difficult person in general and it puts a strain on everybody. Just trying to find ways to make things easier and less stressful for everybody.

She needs to be in a facility that can take care of her. You cannot get up every hour and half, you will never get a sleep cycle. If she cannot afford one, you need to start the Medicaid process.

Contact the county (city) elder services and they can help.

Ask her doctor where would she go if you did not take her in.

If she needs surgery, then the hospital can find a bed for her- do not volunteer to take her in -let them know she lives alone. She should go to a Rehab place first. That should give you enough time to figure it out.

Where do you live? People here can give you specifics then.

That's a point. My husband died after a long, long illness. A few months before he passed away he fell and broke some ribs. He needed a lot of care up until then (I quit working). A few days after the rib fracture he was having a LOT of pain, then fell out of bed. Took him to the ER and broke down in front of them and said I could not do this anymore given what was going on with him at the time. They kept him even though there were no other new factors (e.g. no infection or complication with his illness), and a few days later they sent him to a rehab facility for a couple of weeks, medicare + his BCBS paid (medicare due to disability related to the illness).

[Anonymous]

Also, she's probably not drinking enough water even if no UTI. Decades ago as a CNA I used to read the nursing journals when the floor was quiet and learned about bladder training. One key is more water to dilute the urine so less irritating and also increase bladder volume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have read through the whole thread. Unfortunately, this isn't going to get better. The best and most realistic option you have for now is the reclining chair with the portable commode secured next to her. She needs to get herself up, pee, and go back to the chair. She has to get used to this because if it is just a matter of letting the shoulder heal, it will be months in someone her age.

Hopefully it calls for surgery that qualifies her for rehab facility afterwards. Though it if is just an outpatient procedure, I don't know if rehab facility is an option. Rehabs are to free up hospital beds.

That might not even do it. I broke my shoulder a few years ago (I was 63 at the time). I have good balance and strength so it was nbd to get out of the rocker I was sleeping in the first few nights, but this woman already has mobility problems. Plus I learned that EVERYTHING in my torso was affected by the break (simple fracture, no surgery). I used a vinyl lawn chair in the shower because I was afraid of falling and injuring the shoulder more.

At the very least, an OT to help figure out system for standing and moving to commode. They have the skills to assess her abilities and figure out system.

OP, you should not figure this out yourself. Talk to healthcare provider, talk to a public health nurse, senior resources. You may have to tough it out for a few nights while you find a solution. If you work, FMLA and sleep during the day.

OP's mom is going to be really, really unhappy when she gets to the point of PT for the shoulder. The ROM part is medieval torture, even if it is just for short periods of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it’s hard! We have all been there (being a parent of babies) but imagine yourself in her situation. You are already feeling awful, can’t not do most of the things you used to, you have to stay in somebody else’s house, and you are being asked to pee in a diaper? I don’t want to sound mean, but try to emphasize

The empathy line. Dear LORD

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

OP was complaining after one night. One night.

Look, my dad was in skilled nursing for the last year of his life, and he wore depends to bed. That was fine. But OP has zero tolerance for what her mother needs, and she needs to find someplace that will treat her with respect. That isn’t with OP.

You didn’t care for your dad so what gives you the right to criticize someone in the trenches? Easy to heckle from the bleachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"this terrible habit of going to the bathroom every 1.5 hrs"

GTFO. It's not a habit, it's a need, and yes, you should suck it up for a week and help the woman who got up plenty with you.

YTA, in redditspeak.

I noticed that word “habit” also.
As if she can control it!

All of you judgey adult children had better hope karma is NOT real, because old age may just come back to bite you!