Am I being unreasonable? Mother needs to get up several times during the night

[Anonymous]

90 min is a full sleep cycle. OP should be functional if she’s waking up every 90 min.

Have your mom set a timer, OP.

Sleep cycles typically last around ninety minutes to two hours, during which time the brain cycles from slow-wave sleep to REM sleep in which we experience dreams.Feb 2, 2019
https://www.sleepcycle.com › the-sta...
The 5 Stages of Sleep | Sleep Cycle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90 min is a full sleep cycle. OP should be functional if she’s waking up every 90 min.

Have your mom set a timer, OP.

Sleep cycles typically last around ninety minutes to two hours, during which time the brain cycles from slow-wave sleep to REM sleep in which we experience dreams.Feb 2, 2019
https://www.sleepcycle.com › the-sta...
The 5 Stages of Sleep | Sleep Cycle

Yes, because people who are awakened in the middle of the night always go back to sleep
INSTANTLY!

God, the a-holes who love to blame OPs for EVERYTHING are out in full force today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is probably not “a habit”. It’s probably a medical issue.

I started chemo a couple months ago and it irritated my bladder. I now go every hour almost to the minute all night long.

Luckily, I can get myself to the toilet and don’t need to rely on assistance. Would I be willing to wear Depends if no one would help me? Yes, it’s better than lying on a urine soaked mattress. Which isn’t pleasant for anyone in the household.

It seems as though both you and your mom are unfairly judging each other. You think she is being overly demanding. She thinks you are not loving enough.

Also, this thing happens as you age - at least to women, where your body becomes aware of the urine you're holding in much sooner than when you were younger. Plus your sleep gets lighter. So I'm up 2 to 3 times during the night. I could lie in bed but I'd be very aware of needing to pee.

But I know this sucks, OP. You love your mom but you didn't sign up for this. Don't know how you should resolve it but I hope you two can come to a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is probably not “a habit”. It’s probably a medical issue.

I started chemo a couple months ago and it irritated my bladder. I now go every hour almost to the minute all night long.

Luckily, I can get myself to the toilet and don’t need to rely on assistance. Would I be willing to wear Depends if no one would help me? Yes, it’s better than lying on a urine soaked mattress. Which isn’t pleasant for anyone in the household.

It seems as though both you and your mom are unfairly judging each other. You think she is being overly demanding. She thinks you are not loving enough.

Also, this thing happens as you age - at least to women, where your body becomes aware of the urine you're holding in much sooner than when you were younger. Plus your sleep gets lighter. So I'm up 2 to 3 times during the night. I could lie in bed but I'd be very aware of needing to pee.

But I know this sucks, OP. You love your mom but you didn't sign up for this. Don't know how you should resolve it but I hope you two can come to a compromise.

Definitely this. I'm only 46 but for the past several years, I've been getting up multiple times in the middle of the night to pee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90 min is a full sleep cycle. OP should be functional if she’s waking up every 90 min.

Have your mom set a timer, OP.

Sleep cycles typically last around ninety minutes to two hours, during which time the brain cycles from slow-wave sleep to REM sleep in which we experience dreams.Feb 2, 2019
https://www.sleepcycle.com › the-sta...
The 5 Stages of Sleep | Sleep Cycle

OMG are you insane? When my little ones were waking me up this frequently I wanted to die. Esp. once I went back to work. And I ws young then! You cannot be functional and sustain a schedule like this. Maybe if OP could sleep all day staying up all night would be doable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is probably not “a habit”. It’s probably a medical issue.

I started chemo a couple months ago and it irritated my bladder. I now go every hour almost to the minute all night long.

Luckily, I can get myself to the toilet and don’t need to rely on assistance. Would I be willing to wear Depends if no one would help me? Yes, it’s better than lying on a urine soaked mattress. Which isn’t pleasant for anyone in the household.

It seems as though both you and your mom are unfairly judging each other. You think she is being overly demanding. She thinks you are not loving enough.

Also, this thing happens as you age - at least to women, where your body becomes aware of the urine you're holding in much sooner than when you were younger. Plus your sleep gets lighter. So I'm up 2 to 3 times during the night. I could lie in bed but I'd be very aware of needing to pee.

But I know this sucks, OP. You love your mom but you didn't sign up for this. Don't know how you should resolve it but I hope you two can come to a compromise.

Same can she take an ambien or benadryl at night since its the light sleeping that makes her have to pee. Presumably not an actual need and she is drinking a gallon of water before bed...

[Anonymous]

Having to pee through the night is a medical need.
Needing to sleep through the night is a medical need.
I don’t know the solution (several promising ones have been offered) but I do hope OP and her mom can learn to approach one another with compassion. They both sound pretty unempathetic to the other, and it does not bode well for the future as the mother ages and her needs increase.

[Anonymous]

You definitely need to hire a night nurse. That or depends. But I agree she needs to be tested for UTi. Getting up every hour is ok for a couple nights, but obviously it’s not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90 min is a full sleep cycle. OP should be functional if she’s waking up every 90 min.

Have your mom set a timer, OP.

Sleep cycles typically last around ninety minutes to two hours, during which time the brain cycles from slow-wave sleep to REM sleep in which we experience dreams.Feb 2, 2019
https://www.sleepcycle.com › the-sta...
The 5 Stages of Sleep | Sleep Cycle

For me, I found I needed at least one 4 hour cycle. Then I could handle the day. If I didn’t after about three or four days I would not function. by not functioning I mean, I could not figure out how to drive, read, talk coherently…., -caffeine would only exacerbate it.

[Anonymous]

My mothers likes to sleep in her recliner chair with the electronic lift. Maybe this will help your mother to get herself up at night
https://www.homedepot.com/pep/Merax-33-in-Width-Big-and-Tall-Beige-Fabric-Remote-Control-Power-Lift-Recliner-PP038658EAA/310613585?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&mtc=Shopping-BA-F_HDH-G-D59-59_34_INTERIOR_FURNITURE-MULTI-NA-Feed-PLA-NA-NA-059_034_003_LIVING_ROOM_FURNITURE_Living_Room&cm_mmc=Shopping-BA-F_HDH-G-D59-59_34_INTERIOR_FURNITURE-MULTI-NA-Feed-PLA-NA-NA-059_034_003_LIVING_ROOM_FURNITURE_Living_Room-71700000045547815-58700004666510332-92700061190213159&gclid=CjwKCAjwiLGGBhAqEiwAgq3q_m_UqM9OiZJVFjwZDZWqOXau1LdGvL_0reIASxte3S3qgGWzrJ8NiBoCGJkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Also, I suggest encouraging your mother to ask her doctor to medication that would help her not need to go to the bathroom so often at night.

[Anonymous]

OP, it might be that no particular action by you will help, but you are completely reasonable to accept that you can not continue to do this. Now, speaking those words to her, probably doesn't get you anywhere productive.

Come up with a plan. Enact the plan. Tell her it's now it's going to be. Can I help with a plan? Sorry, can't really. But take charge with confidence. For good or for bad, you are in charge now.

[Anonymous]

Get a portable toilet and put it in her room. Most old people have to get up to pee constantly at night, it's not just your mom. When my mom was released from the hospital, home health provided a little portable toilet for her room, placed next to her bed. She needs that, plus a lift chair.

Welcome to elderly parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have read through the whole thread. Unfortunately, this isn't going to get better. The best and most realistic option you have for now is the reclining chair with the portable commode secured next to her. She needs to get herself up, pee, and go back to the chair. She has to get used to this because if it is just a matter of letting the shoulder heal, it will be months in someone her age.

Hopefully it calls for surgery that qualifies her for rehab facility afterwards. Though it if is just an outpatient procedure, I don't know if rehab facility is an option. Rehabs are to free up hospital beds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"this terrible habit of going to the bathroom every 1.5 hrs"

GTFO. It's not a habit, it's a need, and yes, you should suck it up for a week and help the woman who got up plenty with you.

YTA, in redditspeak.

Confirming my belief reddit users are know it all haters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"this terrible habit of going to the bathroom every 1.5 hrs"

GTFO. It's not a habit, it's a need, and yes, you should suck it up for a week and help the woman who got up plenty with you.

YTA, in redditspeak.

20:59 here. If you haven’t done it yourself, you have no idea how difficult it is. Living with such interrupted sleep is not a mere inconvenience. It wrecks you the next day, it makes you unsafe behind the wheel, it makes you non-functional at your job and so on. Op can’t keep it up, and they have to find another solution.

I agree that this is untenable and They need to find another solution, but OP does sound pretty uncaring and heartless. I’m hopeful she’s just coming off that way because it’s the internet and she’s tired, but still.

May your child start getting up every hour on the hour for a month