Am I being unreasonable? Mother needs to get up several times during the night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about sleeping pills for her?

What does that have to do with her need to empty her bladder?

[Anonymous]

What my 80s mom did not understand when she needed me to stay with her after an illness and surgery (also getting her to the bathroom every 1.5 hours) was that I could not go 24 hours without sleep. She commented that she didn't need her temporary caregivers when I was there. While I was happy to help, I had to gently explain that I needed time to sleep too. If I needed to stay awake with her all night, then we needed her caregiver during the day so I could sleep. I think the very elderly lose sight of anything but their own needs so you do need to do some protection of your own health while being loving and helpful to the extent possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP was complaining after one night. One night.

Look, my dad was in skilled nursing for the last year of his life, and he wore depends to bed. That was fine. But OP has zero tolerance for what her mother needs, and she needs to find someplace that will treat her with respect. That isn’t with OP.

You didn’t care for your dad so what gives you the right to criticize someone in the trenches? Easy to heckle from the bleachers.

I am not heckling from the bleachers. I am saying that I fully understand that long-term needs can mean delegating responsibilities outside the family. If OP decides she needs to do that, fine. But that is far different from deciding after one night of caretaking following an injury that these demands are unreasonable and OP is the only one who gets to offer a solution. Tell the doctor what's happening. See what options are out there. But don't announce that your mother's needs are nothing more than a "bad habit" to be addressed with gumption and a diaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about sleeping pills for her?

What does that have to do with her need to empty her bladder?

Sometimes people wake up in the middle of the night for other reasons and then can't get back to sleep because they notice they have to tinkle.

[Anonymous]

It is very hard to hire home health aides right now. Try renting a hospital bed that raises and lowers the back with remote so she can sit up unassisted. Put a commode chair next to the bed.

Person with disabled family member.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t get a medical bed I would try getting a pillow that sits her up at about an 45 degree angle.

A cammode next to the bed.

And as others suggested a short gown with no undergarments.

[Anonymous]

Is it realistic to expect that she will heal successfully in 3 months and leave your house? You mentioned she has other mobility issues. This might be a good opportunity to transition her to assisted living or a facility that can provide higher levels of care.

[Anonymous]

That doesn't sounds sustainable for 3 months to me. She needs an aide at night or assisted living.