Am I being unreasonable? Mother needs to get up several times during the night

[Anonymous]

Looking for any advice. Mother recently broke her shoulder and nothing can be done for it (other than holding it in place)for at least a week until scans come are taken.
She is staying with us but has always had this terrible habit of going to the bathroom every 1.5 hrs or so during the night. I was up with her multiple times last nights and was exhausted today. I told her that I cannot continue getting up so many times during night, but it seems as though she expects me because she is upset at I said that.
I purchased her depend type garments to wear at night but she flat out refuses saying anyone ‘loving’ would be a”happy To get up and help.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can expect her to wear a diaper. Work on a way for her to go independently. Maybe a nightgown and no undies? A rail for her bed to help her get up?

[Anonymous]

Why can’t she go by herself?

[Anonymous]

Can she not get to the bathroom on her own at night (I'm assuming no, but checking)? Is there something you could do to make her more independent? Also, can she limit liquids in the evening?

I also think that if it's really every 1.5 hours, it's a topic to raise with her PCP.

[Anonymous]

Commode in her room? Not ideal but if it's just pee it's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough situation, OP. If she doesn't have the bladder control now she isn't going to miraculously gain it just because you want her to have it.

She is old and scared and throwing a fit so she doesn't have to pee in a diaper several times per night.

Can you put a portable commode next to the bed? Make sure it is secure against a wall and/or bed railing because it will feel unstable if it is free standing.

Your choices are:
Get up with her.
Portable commode.
Diaper.

There is a removable catheter for women. But I doubt she will like that either. It is expensive and if you only need it for a week probably not worth trying.

[Anonymous]

"this terrible habit of going to the bathroom every 1.5 hrs"

GTFO. It's not a habit, it's a need, and yes, you should suck it up for a week and help the woman who got up plenty with you.

YTA, in redditspeak.

[Anonymous]

It is probably not “a habit”. It’s probably a medical issue.

I started chemo a couple months ago and it irritated my bladder. I now go every hour almost to the minute all night long.

Luckily, I can get myself to the toilet and don’t need to rely on assistance. Would I be willing to wear Depends if no one would help me? Yes, it’s better than lying on a urine soaked mattress. Which isn’t pleasant for anyone in the household.

It seems as though both you and your mom are unfairly judging each other. You think she is being overly demanding. She thinks you are not loving enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she not get to the bathroom on her own at night (I'm assuming no, but checking)? Is there something you could do to make her more independent? Also, can she limit liquids in the evening?

I also think that if it's really every 1.5 hours, it's a topic to raise with her PCP.

It could be an issue to raise, and you should. But at this stage it is probably lack of bladder control, perhaps due to muscle control, but more than likely nerves sending the wrong messages to the bladder muscles, making them release with the slightest bit of urine in the bladder.

The commode next to the bed is a possibility, or put some sort of temporary railing from the bed to the bathroom toilet.

[Anonymous]

Can you clarify what assistance she needs from you? Would a bed rail help her sit up by herself? There are a lot of tools out there to help with bed mobility.

Not quite the same, but similar experience, in that my eldest child got in the habit of waking frequently at night after a hospitalization when he was an infant. It was absolute torture and I was a complete wreck after about a week of it. You have my sympathies- getting up every 90 minutes every night is not sustainable.

Help us understand what she needs from you, and maybe we can crowdsource a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"this terrible habit of going to the bathroom every 1.5 hrs"

GTFO. It's not a habit, it's a need, and yes, you should suck it up for a week and help the woman who got up plenty with you.

YTA, in redditspeak.

20:59 here. If you haven’t done it yourself, you have no idea how difficult it is. Living with such interrupted sleep is not a mere inconvenience. It wrecks you the next day, it makes you unsafe behind the wheel, it makes you non-functional at your job and so on. Op can’t keep it up, and they have to find another solution.

[Anonymous]

RN here. Why does she need your assistance for toileting? Did she fall and cause the shoulder fracture? Is it a fear of falling issue?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all that answered. She’s indefinitely staying with me . She already has an immobility problem during to her age and weight. She cannot climb stairs by herself, is uneasy walking.
She cannot sit upright from a lying position so it’s a struggle to get her up at night. She cannot pull her underwear down by herself so I need to assist with that. This most likely will be happening for the next 3 months. It is difficult for me to get back to sleep and once I do, she’s calling for me again.
What I meant by terrible habit is this only happens at night she’s fine during the day.

She already wears an i co to Ende pad during the day and not much urine comes out at night, which is why I thought the depends would be an option.

[Anonymous]

*incontinence pad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RN here. Why does she need your assistance for toileting? Did she fall and cause the shoulder fracture? Is it a fear of falling issue?

Hi, yes, she had a terrible fall at her place. She called we went over, had to call 911.