Can you tell me about upscale southern culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Yep. And the summer homes are in Cape Cod or Maine.

Agree. I don't think rich southerners are that much different than rich northerners, although the southerners likely have nicer houses/better decorating. No New England rustic there. I do think the expectations for women are a little different - more focus on appearance, and a particular look, in the south. And despite relatively higher levels of obesity in southern states, the rich ones tend to be thin.

What is the "particular look" if I may ask?

It depends on precisely where you live. Usually something like this though: https://www.countryclubprep.com/#
(I have no idea who this brand is, just the first one in a quick google search that seems to have the style nailed.)

50 elements of southern style:
https://www.southernliving.com/fashion-beauty/elements-southern-style
Also involves a lot of natural fibers, monograms, and pearls.

I'm the poor white trash private school student: my parents didn't think about my monogram before they named me. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

I’m the poster from above who married into a UC Southern family and every word of this is spot-on. Well done.

Thanks, my private school education was not in vain!

My mother comes from an old UC Mississippi family, and I agree. Spot on.

I would also add that there can be generational differences. Younger generations can be less racist and more open. It's not universal, though. Some of my young adult cousins would consider themselves not racist, but they just never question (or even seem to notice) their own privilege and the racial status quo of the deep south. Others have really worked to shed much of that baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have told my kids they can not get engaged before having dated for a full year. There's no reason to rush things.

Has she seen him deal with a death? Has she seen how he handles himself when he gets angry? How does he celebrate things? Is his idea of relaxing to drink? How does he treat waitstaff? Does he volunteer (or just donate money)? It takes time to see the answers to these things.

You've told your kids they "can't" get engaged until they have dated a year? Sure mom. That's going to end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Yep. And the summer homes are in Cape Cod or Maine.

Agree. I don't think rich southerners are that much different than rich northerners, although the southerners likely have nicer houses/better decorating. No New England rustic there. I do think the expectations for women are a little different - more focus on appearance, and a particular look, in the south. And despite relatively higher levels of obesity in southern states, the rich ones tend to be thin.

What is the "particular look" if I may ask?

Brighter colors, seersucker, patterns, Lilly Pulitzer, colorful pants for men, bow ties.

[Anonymous]

Large historic houses on horse farms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SEC Football rules the roost there. Some people I met disliked that I'm a UMD alum

UMD is considered very liberal and leftist in the south. Too many people from New Jersey.

[Anonymous]

I’m married into a WASP-ish/Southern-ish family.

Some of the lifestyle elements include:

- dressy and dressy casual most of the time. Khaki shorts and polos for men and sun dresses for women
- pearl earrings and minimal accessories
- minimal makeup and unfussy hair but long lean athletic tanned bodies
- Think Brooks brothers, J Crew, Talbots, Vineyard Vines
- lots of family time and large family vacations
- Sailboat motifs in decorating
- extravagant decorating and a focus on keeping a beautiful home
- not very worldly and U.S focused
- pride in classic all American life and experience
- haunts include Charleston, Nantucket and Rhode Island
- family business is finance and sales

[Anonymous]

The downside of all that is superficiality, outright snobbery, anti-intellectualism, “I don’t have a racist bone in my body” style racism, and strict expectations for how you dress and groom any little girls. Ask me how I know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married into a WASP-ish/Southern-ish family.

Some of the lifestyle elements include:

- dressy and dressy casual most of the time. Khaki shorts and polos for men and sun dresses for women
- pearl earrings and minimal accessories
- minimal makeup and unfussy hair but long lean athletic tanned bodies
- Think Brooks brothers, J Crew, Talbots, Vineyard Vines
- lots of family time and large family vacations
- Sailboat motifs in decorating
- extravagant decorating and a focus on keeping a beautiful home
- not very worldly and U.S focused
- pride in classic all American life and experience
- haunts include Charleston, Nantucket and Rhode Island
- family business is finance and sales

People from the deep south are going to Nantucket and Rhode Island?? Not IME. Agree with the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married into a WASP-ish/Southern-ish family.

Some of the lifestyle elements include:

- dressy and dressy casual most of the time. Khaki shorts and polos for men and sun dresses for women
- pearl earrings and minimal accessories
- minimal makeup and unfussy hair but long lean athletic tanned bodies
- Think Brooks brothers, J Crew, Talbots, Vineyard Vines
- lots of family time and large family vacations
- Sailboat motifs in decorating
- extravagant decorating and a focus on keeping a beautiful home
- not very worldly and U.S focused
- pride in classic all American life and experience
- haunts include Charleston, Nantucket and Rhode Island
- family business is finance and sales

Thank you for ending the Talbots debate

[Anonymous]

I'm interested in the above question too

But also ... not very worldly and U.S focused. Why is this a thing? The older I get, the more disappointed I am in friends who value "scholarship", believe they are scholars, have the means, and don't value world travel. In many cases these are people in positions that influence US/International policy. And they don't value world travel? Sic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The downside of all that is superficiality, outright snobbery, anti-intellectualism, “I don’t have a racist bone in my body” style racism, and strict expectations for how you dress and groom any little girls. Ask me how I know!

PP here. I agree.

My in laws are what I’d say anti-intellectual and definitely not worldly. The best time in their life for them is to go to the beach house with the whole family. Tan, read and go sailing and fishing. They don’t think too deeply about life and their focus is on having fun and enjoying life. The women put a lot of focus on external appearance and looking a certain way.

Another thing I notice is their food habits. So bland and so uninspired. Grilling hot dogs and burgers and bbq in the summer. Bloody Mary’s. Chicken ceaser salad. Boiled eggs. Lobster. Shrimp salad.

Think very basic and unoriginal. Everything is very Americana.

[Anonymous]

Quintessential genteel southern family

[Anonymous]

And the babies wear frilly headbands with bows!

[Anonymous]

Southerner here. Agree with all of the above. IME, and I am middle-aged---all of my HS and college friends who were more liberal, liked to travel, and did not embrace the lifestyles described above elected to move away from the South.

With that said, almost any southern city of any size has its own little enclave of liberal eclectics, many of whom are from that same UMC culture but elected to be more bohemian. They like to travel, throw great parties, and are hilarious, sardonic and self-deprecating storytellers. See www.bittersoutherner.com for an example of this type.