Can you tell me about upscale southern culture?

[Anonymous]

My D (graduate student) has met someone she is serious about. They have been seriously dating for about 8 months. We met him for the first time a few months ago and have since seem him 2 other ties. A really wonderful guy, very well spoken, intelligent, well dressed, kind of checked all the boxes. He has told my husband he plans to propose by or on her bday (July).

A few weeks ago we had the opportunity to meet his parents and sister. I was incredible impressed, all very elegant, well spoken, charming and could not have ben nicer or more gracious. I have admittedly not really known many people from the south. His family is a very well known affluent family and I am intrigued.

They almost were like characters from a book (in a good way). impeccably dressed (read expensive, Gucci loafers mom had a Kelly bag, etc..) They were incredibly charming and charismatic. I was impressed with how close they aLL seem and they spoke about a few family traditions of going to a family summer house every summer for 3 weeks, and then a big family trip in the fall.

Maybe I am intrigued because this is so polar opposite of how I grew up. I am fascinated by them, this is almost like a character study for me. I think she will be eventually joining what looks to be a wonderful very close family who has had the good fortune to live the good life. They seemed much more civilized/genteel than their northwest counterparts (or anyone who I might compare them to). I cannot find any fault.

Are proper higher end southern families this way? Just curious if this is the "norm"

[Anonymous]

Yes, I live in Atlanta. Moved from DC after grad school. The upper class Southerners are prim and proper to the point that it seems staged or fake imo. This is coming from an UMC woman btw, so these are the Southern version of my people so to speak.

[Anonymous]

What some Southern Charm to enjoy the other side of affluent Southern culture.

I live in Savannah and am a member of the DAR. I know several of these families personally.

[Anonymous]

Bless your heart!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

[Anonymous]

That is really quick for dating to engagement! I hope she's not blinded by them and makes sure he's checking off boxes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Be sure that your daughter is willing to do these things and buy in. She will represent her husband and his family and they wont take kindly to someone who doesnt tow the line.

[Anonymous]

This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

+1

Especially the bit about the Gucci loafers and Kelly bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

Yes, there’s someone on here who has a hard-on for “the affluent.” Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Be sure that your daughter is willing to do these things and buy in. She will represent her husband and his family and they wont take kindly to someone who doesn't tow the line.

Very true. Make sure she gets along with future MIL who can guide her through the unseen cultural expectations - especially when planning the wedding. Perhaps a copy of Miss Manners for guidance - for you or your daughter?

How did she meet him? Did she go to a Southern university?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

You forgot racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Be sure that your daughter is willing to do these things and buy in. She will represent her husband and his family and they wont take kindly to someone who doesn't tow the line.

Very true. Make sure she gets along with future MIL who can guide her through the unseen cultural expectations - especially when planning the wedding. Perhaps a copy of Miss Manners for guidance - for you or your daughter?

How did she meet him? Did she go to a Southern university?

Also, she will be lowest man on the totem pole for awhile. Southern families are traditionally very matriarchal. Fathers impart when they feel like it but mothers drive the train on most things. Mom will be regarded first. Southern boys are typically mommas boys and she will be 2nd. Ive lived in MS and NC and saw this a LOT. You can do things your way in your own home as long as it doesnt directly go against her MIL and if it does, isnt publicly known/available.

[Anonymous]

If the family is as warm and lovely as you suggest, then that’s the best possible version of affluent Southern culture.

For the worst version, look into the ongoing news coverage of the Murdaugh family in South Carolina.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my college roommate. Genteel, refined, lots of family traditions and the annual summer get-together/reunion. Not Southern though, she's from New England-ish.