Can you tell me about upscale southern culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Distain for all things "Yankee" is alive and well

The one guy I know whose family fits the description in this thread I knew from college. He went to the same New England slac that men in his family had for generations. Of course he moved to NYC after graduation to work and only recently moved back to Charleston with his husband

[Anonymous]

Read Jenny Sanford's autobiography and her introduction to Southern wealth and eccentricity...coming from Chicago and marrying into S.Carolina...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SEC Football rules the roost there. Some people I met disliked that I'm a UMD alum

in South Carolina Clemson is the rich kid school not USC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Yep. And the summer homes are in Cape Cod or Maine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Yep. And the summer homes are in Cape Cod or Maine.

Yeah, no comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Jenny Sanford's autobiography and her introduction to Southern wealth and eccentricity...coming from Chicago and marrying into S.Carolina...

Sounds like a tremendous nightmare. Give me the Chicago guy any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, I hope you guys are prepared to pay for this wedding.

Right? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

You forgot racist.

Totally. I think I just barfed in my mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

+1

Especially the bit about the Gucci loafers and Kelly bag.

I’m going to sell mine on TheRealReal right now because of this thread. Native Virginian.

Gucci loafters and Kelly bags are for the shahs of sunset, not southern aristocracy.

Do not agree one bit but to each his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Yep. And the summer homes are in Cape Cod or Maine.

Agree. I don't think rich southerners are that much different than rich northerners, although the southerners likely have nicer houses/better decorating. No New England rustic there. I do think the expectations for women are a little different - more focus on appearance, and a particular look, in the south. And despite relatively higher levels of obesity in southern states, the rich ones tend to be thin.

[Anonymous]

OP here a few things- my D and her bf met about a year and a half ago (in school).They have dated for about a year but seriously dating about 8 months, wanted to clarify.

They seem well suited, they both are avid runners and golfers. So they share that in common and are very compatible personality wise as well.

I did not mean to imply I grew up wanting anything, both my partners were doctors (very conservative doctors). It was all work and almost no play Maybe a family vacation once every two years. My mom didn't give two cents about how she dressed or how she came across she was dedicated to her work as was my dad. So this whole proper, refined elegant vibe is a bit foreign to me.

I consider myself a pretty good dresser, one who take pride in her appearance and have done my best to raise 3 successful happy well adjusted young adults so feel successful in that regard, but did not have all the "extras" that this family has enjoyed and it just got me thinking. It does seem picture perfect if I am to be honest.

They would not get married until he is out of law school (almost another 2 years) so don't think this is rushing things. I have enjoyed reading over the various comments and insight you have shared, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SEC Football rules the roost there. Some people I met disliked that I'm a UMD alum

in South Carolina Clemson is the rich kid school not USC

I'm sure SEC alums consider UMD football to be a non-event. Not sure they would dislike a UMD alum since it's just not in their orbit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Yep. And the summer homes are in Cape Cod or Maine.

Agree. I don't think rich southerners are that much different than rich northerners, although the southerners likely have nicer houses/better decorating. No New England rustic there. I do think the expectations for women are a little different - more focus on appearance, and a particular look, in the south. And despite relatively higher levels of obesity in southern states, the rich ones tend to be thin.

What is the "particular look" if I may ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

I’m the poster from above who married into a UC Southern family and every word of this is spot-on. Well done.

Thanks, my private school education was not in vain!