Single Guy Friend (33) Can't Find a Girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He thinks he wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn’t. Having really high expectations/demands is less about “not finding” someone who has all those unrealistic expectations. It’s about his own ambivalence about being vulnerable in a real adult relationship.

He’s subconsciously keeping himself out of relationships because he’s afraid to be vulnerable. He’s expecting perfection in a twisted way to prevent breaking up and the heartbreak that follows. If I find the perfect woman, we’ll never break up and I’ll never feel that pain.

It shows me that he is weak psychologically. He can’t be vulnerable, get close and risk getting hurt.

+1 The guys I know that are older and not dating anyone seriously are afraid to be vulnerable and get hurt. They can be super fun at parties and successful in their careers but they also think that they are right all the time and do not take opposing opinions well. They also talk about topics in the theoretical but do not share anything personal about them and their struggles. Also, they have high standards of beauty. I wish I could help them but I’m not in a position to offer unsolicited advice.

This is the previously identified traditional gender role example. These guys are modernized and will do plenty of childcare and contribute to finances. But they are traditional in a sense that they don't value other people's opinions, esp their spouses'.

I have a few male friends that fit into this description, according to them, talking about science/math/engineering topics is superior to talking about literature/philosophy/personal experiences. They often label the women friends as inferior because women don't understand how nuclear power plant is built and stuff like that. Imagine an eligible single woman seeing that and subconsciously carry this impression on to dating app filter function...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone post a pic of what this “Asian model” stereotype is versus the kind of Asian woman white guys marry? I am honestly stumped.

I remember one of my asian guy friends telling me that women like Lucy Liu (strong and sexy) are popular in the west, versus back in Asia the most popular females are more feminine and cuter like K pop girls. The beauty standard is quite different, according to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone post a pic of what this “Asian model” stereotype is versus the kind of Asian woman white guys marry? I am honestly stumped.

I remember one of my asian guy friends telling me that women like Lucy Liu (strong and sexy) are popular in the west, versus back in Asia the most popular females are more feminine and cuter like K pop girls. The beauty standard is quite different, according to him.

So OP's friend wants Gemma Chan?
That would be a challenge!

[Anonymous]

Have you ever thought that maybe he likes dude and isn’t ready to be out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone post a pic of what this “Asian model” stereotype is versus the kind of Asian woman white guys marry? I am honestly stumped.

I remember one of my asian guy friends telling me that women like Lucy Liu (strong and sexy) are popular in the west, versus back in Asia the most popular females are more feminine and cuter like K pop girls. The beauty standard is quite different, according to him.

So OP's friend wants Gemma Chan?
That would be a challenge!

No, Gemma Chan is too beautiful to be cute.

[Anonymous]

How tall is he? Does he have a decent voice? Is he a virgin? Does he spend too much time stalking women on the internet? Does it smell like he ate a large quantity of garlic a week ago? Is he too nice? Does he have a sense of humor? Does he have strange facial hair? It's hard to say why he's not more successful with women. Aren't there social clubs with Asian women he can join?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:picky, pessimistic, confidence problems, and dry sense of humor. Not good.
If short and balding, really not good.

Do you think a dry sense of humor in isolation is not good? Or is it bad when coupled with the other characteristics that in isolation are not good.

If the person is more optimistic and is fairly self-assured, I would think the dry sense of humor signals a level of intelligence that might be attractive. But I'm a guy and long out of the dating world, so I may be clueless.

NP, I’m a woman (Black) (2nd least desirable demographic…) and love a dry sense of humor. Also don’t understand what’s so wrong with being picky about looks. Not that everyone needs to be model-types, but there needs to be some physical attraction.

There's a difference between wanting to be attracted to someone and picky about looks. One is healthy and normal. One resks of immaturity.

Also dry sense of humor is generally a euphuism for negative and mean spirited.

Would you mind expanding on the bolded? Depending on how it's said, I'd think they both mean the same thing, with the latter being more mean/blunt about it. Genuinely curious, not being snarky.

[Anonymous]

Asian men and black women are the most disadvantaged in dating. Asian women date outside their race as do black men. Not nearly as many non-Asian women want to date an Asian man just as white men don't date black women in anywhere near the numbers that black men date non-black women. It's just a fact. This guy wanting an especially attractive Asian woman is picking from a very small pool of women.