Single Guy Friend (33) Can't Find a Girlfriend

[Anonymous]

I've seen a lot of the posts on here implying that men have the upper hand in dating, esp going into their 30s.

So, what to make of my guy friend who's never had a serious girlfriend? He is an Ivy grad, solid corporate career, reasonably good-looking. Dry sense of humor, supersmart, into culture, good talker and listener. Downsides? He is a bit pessimistic, and has some confidence issues, but nothing major. He is definitely a nerd, not athletic (but not overweight at all). No issues with abuse, prior baggage, family issues, cheating, alcohol, etc. He wants to marry and have kids.

He has tried to date mostly online (in NYC where he lives), and it has not worked out well. He says it's because he's Asian and looking for Asian girls, and they all want to date white guys. He is a bit picky with looks, but it boggles my mind when I read about how hard it is to find a good man (especially in your 30s), and here is this awesome guy striking out repeatedly. Makes me wonder if women are complaining about the shortage of guys while overlooking perfectly good mates because they're not hot or flashy enough...

Or maybe both men and women overlook good potential mates while chasing some idea of a perfect unicorn relationship and then end up alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen a lot of the posts on here implying that men have the upper hand in dating, esp going into their 30s.

So, what to make of my guy friend who's never had a serious girlfriend? He is an Ivy grad, solid corporate career, reasonably good-looking. Dry sense of humor, supersmart, into culture, good talker and listener. Downsides? He is a bit pessimistic, and has some confidence issues, but nothing major. He is definitely a nerd, not athletic (but not overweight at all). No issues with abuse, prior baggage, family issues, cheating, alcohol, etc. He wants to marry and have kids.

He has tried to date mostly online (in NYC where he lives), and it has not worked out well. He says it's because he's Asian and looking for Asian girls, and they all want to date white guys. He is a bit picky with looks, but it boggles my mind when I read about how hard it is to find a good man (especially in your 30s), and here is this awesome guy striking out repeatedly. Makes me wonder if women are complaining about the shortage of guys while overlooking perfectly good mates because they're not hot or flashy enough...

Or maybe both men and women overlook good potential mates while chasing some idea of a perfect unicorn relationship and then end up alone.

He doesn't sound awesome to me at all.

[Anonymous]

When you limit yourself to a small minority (Asians of any kind are less than 12% of NYC and I assume he doesn’t hold Bangladeshi, Korean, and Burmese women all as datable on the basis of being Asian) that’s going to make matching really really hard.

[Anonymous]

When an Asian guy says he is picky about looks, he is really really picky. She needs to be gorgeous.

I am Asian, all of my girlfriends have solid Corp career and no one, not even the best looking ones can score an Asian guy around her level (in terms of education), but they score higher caliber guys when dating latino/Indian/white easily.

[Anonymous]

Yeah as a white woman married to a Korean guy, an Asian man being “picky about looks” is bad news. The baseline standards for appearance are already so high! I’m exhausted sometimes keeping up with the diet/exercise/hair/clothing routine just to look acceptable to my in laws. Your friend needs to lower his expectations from “looks like a k-drama star” to “in good shape and well put together” if he’s serious about finding a girlfriend and not actually a closet case.

[Anonymous]

He needs to work on his confidence. Women don’t like weak men.

[Anonymous]

What kind of Asian is he?

A lot of women, even Korean American women, don't want to do Korean American men because they say the culture is very sexist.

I have lots of East Asian Americans friends who have told me this.

[Anonymous]

Is he cocky? Cockiness is a HUGE turnoff for a lot of women, even if they can't articulate that.

[Anonymous]

Why won't you date him, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of Asian is he?

A lot of women, even Korean American women, don't want to do Korean American men because they say the culture is very sexist.

I have lots of East Asian Americans friends who have told me this.

These men do very well in interracial relationships, something sets off the sexist culture thing when they marry Asian women.

One of my Asian guy friend casually mentioned that his wife is not great with housework, and caused him to hit a career bump because he had to chip in doing more child care during a critical time of his career.

As a friend, he is caring, funny and smart. But I feel bad for the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen a lot of the posts on here implying that men have the upper hand in dating, esp going into their 30s.

So, what to make of my guy friend who's never had a serious girlfriend? He is an Ivy grad, solid corporate career, reasonably good-looking. Dry sense of humor, supersmart, into culture, good talker and listener. Downsides? He is a bit pessimistic, and has some confidence issues, but nothing major. He is definitely a nerd, not athletic (but not overweight at all). No issues with abuse, prior baggage, family issues, cheating, alcohol, etc. He wants to marry and have kids.

He has tried to date mostly online (in NYC where he lives), and it has not worked out well. He says it's because he's Asian and looking for Asian girls, and they all want to date white guys. He is a bit picky with looks, but it boggles my mind when I read about how hard it is to find a good man (especially in your 30s), and here is this awesome guy striking out repeatedly. Makes me wonder if women are complaining about the shortage of guys while overlooking perfectly good mates because they're not hot or flashy enough...

Or maybe both men and women overlook good potential mates while chasing some idea of a perfect unicorn relationship and then end up alone.

Your post is full of reasons.
Is he short? NYC women don't want short men.
He's pessimistic, has confidence issues, but is picky about looks.
How do you know he's striking out repeatedly? Are you seeing the conversations he has with women? Maybe something he's saying is a major turn off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen a lot of the posts on here implying that men have the upper hand in dating, esp going into their 30s.

So, what to make of my guy friend who's never had a serious girlfriend? He is an Ivy grad, solid corporate career, reasonably good-looking. Dry sense of humor, supersmart, into culture, good talker and listener. Downsides? He is a bit pessimistic, and has some confidence issues, but nothing major. He is definitely a nerd, not athletic (but not overweight at all). No issues with abuse, prior baggage, family issues, cheating, alcohol, etc. He wants to marry and have kids.

He has tried to date mostly online (in NYC where he lives), and it has not worked out well. He says it's because he's Asian and looking for Asian girls, and they all want to date white guys. He is a bit picky with looks, but it boggles my mind when I read about how hard it is to find a good man (especially in your 30s), and here is this awesome guy striking out repeatedly. Makes me wonder if women are complaining about the shortage of guys while overlooking perfectly good mates because they're not hot or flashy enough...

Or maybe both men and women overlook good potential mates while chasing some idea of a perfect unicorn relationship and then end up alone.

Is he sarcastic and a downer? Sure sounds like it.

[Anonymous]

Ive heard dating in NYC is rough because its sn expensive town. If he is cheap, or doesnt have a high income, Id imagine it would be rough. He should move to Fairfax County!

[Anonymous]

Tell him to stop being racist and to date all women. Ask out the next woman he meets in person that he has a connection with. Don't just date online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen a lot of the posts on here implying that men have the upper hand in dating, esp going into their 30s.

So, what to make of my guy friend who's never had a serious girlfriend? He is an Ivy grad, solid corporate career, reasonably good-looking. Dry sense of humor, supersmart, into culture, good talker and listener. Downsides? He is a bit pessimistic, and has some confidence issues, but nothing major. He is definitely a nerd, not athletic (but not overweight at all). No issues with abuse, prior baggage, family issues, cheating, alcohol, etc. He wants to marry and have kids.

He has tried to date mostly online (in NYC where he lives), and it has not worked out well. He says it's because he's Asian and looking for Asian girls, and they all want to date white guys. He is a bit picky with looks, but it boggles my mind when I read about how hard it is to find a good man (especially in your 30s), and here is this awesome guy striking out repeatedly. Makes me wonder if women are complaining about the shortage of guys while overlooking perfectly good mates because they're not hot or flashy enough...

Or maybe both men and women overlook good potential mates while chasing some idea of a perfect unicorn relationship and then end up alone.

Your post is full of reasons.
Is he short? NYC women don't want short men.
He's pessimistic, has confidence issues, but is picky about looks.
How do you know he's striking out repeatedly? Are you seeing the conversations he has with women? Maybe something he's saying is a major turn off.

+1, all sorts of reasons in your post. He’s limiting the pool to Asian women (you need to specify what type of Asian), and you didn’t specify his height. I dated for several years in NYC and LA and in both cities, height for men is a big deal, even for 30s women.