Single Guy Friend (33) Can't Find a Girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s limiting himself he wants only gorgeous Asian models just saying picky about looks tells me enough. He’s self sabotaging looking for the best looking Asian mate. Everything else is fine his heigh his background his ability to converse. It’s the picky about looks that’s the problem, he’s veiling the reality of that to you. There’s plenty of beautiful Asian women but stunning drop dead gorgeous model type Asian women go for millionaires.

This. Right here. He’s looking for a model and not willing to “settle” yet because he’s still relatively young and thinks he’s a great catch (he might be!), and there are plenty of people in NYC. He’s never been in a relationship so he doesn’t really understand yet that relationships require compromises. He needs to learn this in due time. Just wait until he’s pushing 40 and he’s finally serious about marriage and starting a family... he’ll find someone when he’s ready to really find someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s limiting himself he wants only gorgeous Asian models just saying picky about looks tells me enough. He’s self sabotaging looking for the best looking Asian mate. Everything else is fine his heigh his background his ability to converse. It’s the picky about looks that’s the problem, he’s veiling the reality of that to you. There’s plenty of beautiful Asian women but stunning drop dead gorgeous model type Asian women go for millionaires.

Can you post a picture of a stunning blah blah type Asian woman?

I know a beautiful size 0 Asian girl in her 20s 5ft6 or so and she is dating another Asian guy of the same culture. He makes under 80k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite. What are his parents like? I have a LOT of Asian and Chinese girl friends. They are reluctant to date Asian men because they're worried about the parent dynamics. A lot of the older Chinese generation expects to move in once their sons get married or expects a lot of subservience from DILs. And my friends really aren't interested. White inlaws don't have those expectations, so my friends mostly date white men.

One of my Asian girlfriend is stunningly beautiful, married young at 22 and divorced at 26. Shortly after she met a nice Asian man. we all loved seeing them together. But the guys parents were against the fact she was married before (no kids, just one of those marriage that fails when you marry too young).

Needless to say, she is with some white guy now.

That's because white guys don't care. They just like fine bootay and someone who doesn't resemble the 1000lb sisters. White guys scrape the barrel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a white guy who married an Asian women who is probably of the type this guy is interested in. There definitely is a fear out there among some Asian women that if they marry an Asian guy, they will end up with someone who, despite statements to the contrary, will try to enforce traditional gender roles once wedding vows have been exchanged.

Usually the type of Asian girl a white guy marries is less attractive than what an Asian guy thinks is hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite. What are his parents like? I have a LOT of Asian and Chinese girl friends. They are reluctant to date Asian men because they're worried about the parent dynamics. A lot of the older Chinese generation expects to move in once their sons get married or expects a lot of subservience from DILs. And my friends really aren't interested. White inlaws don't have those expectations, so my friends mostly date white men.

One of my Asian girlfriend is stunningly beautiful, married young at 22 and divorced at 26. Shortly after she met a nice Asian man. we all loved seeing them together. But the guys parents were against the fact she was married before (no kids, just one of those marriage that fails when you marry too young).

Needless to say, she is with some white guy now.

That's because white guys don't care. They just like fine bootay and someone who doesn't resemble the 1000lb sisters. White guys scrape the barrel.

If she’s pretty, fun to be with, and smart, how is that scraping (the bottom of) the barrel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is admittedly a tough world for Asian American men in the online dating zone. He needs to broaden his racial preferences and do something to differentiate himself, like not being a typical early-30s corporate guy with dad-bod.

You’re really clueless about dating

[Anonymous]

He thinks he wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn’t. Having really high expectations/demands is less about “not finding” someone who has all those unrealistic expectations. It’s about his own ambivalence about being vulnerable in a real adult relationship.

He’s subconsciously keeping himself out of relationships because he’s afraid to be vulnerable. He’s expecting perfection in a twisted way to prevent breaking up and the heartbreak that follows. If I find the perfect woman, we’ll never break up and I’ll never feel that pain.

It shows me that he is weak psychologically. He can’t be vulnerable, get close and risk getting hurt.

[Anonymous]

Does he speak Chinese? Mandarin or Cantonese?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s limiting himself he wants only gorgeous Asian models just saying picky about looks tells me enough. He’s self sabotaging looking for the best looking Asian mate. Everything else is fine his heigh his background his ability to converse. It’s the picky about looks that’s the problem, he’s veiling the reality of that to you. There’s plenty of beautiful Asian women but stunning drop dead gorgeous model type Asian women go for millionaires.

This. Right here. He’s looking for a model and not willing to “settle” yet because he’s still relatively young and thinks he’s a great catch (he might be!), and there are plenty of people in NYC. He’s never been in a relationship so he doesn’t really understand yet that relationships require compromises. He needs to learn this in due time. Just wait until he’s pushing 40 and he’s finally serious about marriage and starting a family... he’ll find someone when he’s ready to really find someone.

Except the dating market is much more unkind at 40

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s limiting himself he wants only gorgeous Asian models just saying picky about looks tells me enough. He’s self sabotaging looking for the best looking Asian mate. Everything else is fine his heigh his background his ability to converse. It’s the picky about looks that’s the problem, he’s veiling the reality of that to you. There’s plenty of beautiful Asian women but stunning drop dead gorgeous model type Asian women go for millionaires.

This. Right here. He’s looking for a model and not willing to “settle” yet because he’s still relatively young and thinks he’s a great catch (he might be!), and there are plenty of people in NYC. He’s never been in a relationship so he doesn’t really understand yet that relationships require compromises. He needs to learn this in due time. Just wait until he’s pushing 40 and he’s finally serious about marriage and starting a family... he’ll find someone when he’s ready to really find someone.

Except the dating market is much more unkind at 40

Especially if you’ve never had a serious relationship…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a white guy who married an Asian women who is probably of the type this guy is interested in. There definitely is a fear out there among some Asian women that if they marry an Asian guy, they will end up with someone who, despite statements to the contrary, will try to enforce traditional gender roles once wedding vows have been exchanged.

Usually the type of Asian girl a white guy marries is less attractive than what an Asian guy thinks is hot.

Asian American here.. I grew up in LA. In my circle of Asian Americans, it was stated that if you were pretty, you could date a white guy.

I know several Asian Am. females who are married to white guys, and they are all attractive.

[Anonymous]

Can someone post a pic of what this “Asian model” stereotype is versus the kind of Asian woman white guys marry? I am honestly stumped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s with people only dating their race? It’s like purposefully limiting yourself to a small pool. There are so many attractive people in this world if you stop dating only Xs.

That’s true, but you are also attracted to who you are attracted to, and you can’t really change that. I have never dated or been sexually attracted to an Asian guy. Just not my type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He thinks he wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn’t. Having really high expectations/demands is less about “not finding” someone who has all those unrealistic expectations. It’s about his own ambivalence about being vulnerable in a real adult relationship.

He’s subconsciously keeping himself out of relationships because he’s afraid to be vulnerable. He’s expecting perfection in a twisted way to prevent breaking up and the heartbreak that follows. If I find the perfect woman, we’ll never break up and I’ll never feel that pain.

It shows me that he is weak psychologically. He can’t be vulnerable, get close and risk getting hurt.

+1 The guys I know that are older and not dating anyone seriously are afraid to be vulnerable and get hurt. They can be super fun at parties and successful in their careers but they also think that they are right all the time and do not take opposing opinions well. They also talk about topics in the theoretical but do not share anything personal about them and their struggles. Also, they have high standards of beauty. I wish I could help them but I’m not in a position to offer unsolicited advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s with people only dating their race? It’s like purposefully limiting yourself to a small pool. There are so many attractive people in this world if you stop dating only Xs.

That’s true, but you are also attracted to who you are attracted to, and you can’t really change that. I have never dated or been sexually attracted to an Asian guy. Just not my type.

It's also worth interrogating WHY your preferences are what they are, though. Sexual attraction doesn't spring fully formed from the ether - it is sculpted by images that you have been told are "attractive" your whole life. Asian men are desexualized in media (usually) and therefore white folks in particular are not primed to see them as sexy.