How to avoid (ok - get over) house envy?

[Anonymous]

Girl, get you that Wolf range!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you invested in decorating the way you like and carving out spots in your home for yourself?

NP here but this made me realize that I feel like OP a lot because I don't really love my house. I like it and its a privlege to have it but since I felt like it was a big comprimise on a house I would actually build or want in so many ways that I've barely made any effort to actually make the space nice/ pretty/ etc.
There are still old framed photos on the wall that I just moved with me from apartment to apartment and the like.

I feel like I don't want to spend money on this place because I don't like it and hope we will move, but realistically we probably won't move and I am shooting myself in the foot.

[Anonymous]

To OP's point about dreading the first visit, I have had that feeling before and think it's natural. It helps to find ways to manage that dread before and to go in with a more positive mindset. Random list: exercise the jealous rage out the morning of your visit, count your blessings, get a nice housewarming gift. If you focus on things like that, rather than practicing what you'll say when you see the Wolf range (kinda joking, but kinda serious), you'll likely act more like yourself and be a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must be completely broken. There was a time in my life when I felt some jealousy -- I remember there was this mom in the most luxurious SUV at preK dropoff and I used to think "wish I were driving that" instead of my then Denali. I was going through some really tough times at the time and I think those bad things were what caused me to envy material things of someone else. Yet, materially I was in a pretty good spot at the time.

But really, now there must be something wrong with me because I'm not particularly happy with what I've got, in fact I'm much less accomplished and poorer than every single one of my friends. I don't have some sort of glamorous education or family money to fall back on, I can barely keep the lights on some months but I don't ever envy others. I had dedicated my life completely to raising kids I could be proud of, but the teenage years have come and things aren't working out there. I should want for more, but I don't. I've just come to a point of complete acceptance.

I think its normal to want more out of life, I don't know what is wrong with me that I don't consider it, but I don't. I think doors start closing at certain ages and stages of life and you come to accept what isn't happening. Doesn't mean you have to love it, but you just know choices you made led you here and well, there isn't any going back.

+1. Thoughtful, realistic post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be completely broken. There was a time in my life when I felt some jealousy -- I remember there was this mom in the most luxurious SUV at preK dropoff and I used to think "wish I were driving that" instead of my then Denali. I was going through some really tough times at the time and I think those bad things were what caused me to envy material things of someone else. Yet, materially I was in a pretty good spot at the time.

But really, now there must be something wrong with me because I'm not particularly happy with what I've got, in fact I'm much less accomplished and poorer than every single one of my friends. I don't have some sort of glamorous education or family money to fall back on, I can barely keep the lights on some months but I don't ever envy others. I had dedicated my life completely to raising kids I could be proud of, but the teenage years have come and things aren't working out there. I should want for more, but I don't. I've just come to a point of complete acceptance.

I think its normal to want more out of life, I don't know what is wrong with me that I don't consider it, but I don't. I think doors start closing at certain ages and stages of life and you come to accept what isn't happening. Doesn't mean you have to love it, but you just know choices you made led you here and well, there isn't any going back.

Only in DCUMlandia would a lady in a 50k SUV be wallowing in misery at the sight of another parents fancier car at their kids private preschool. Y’all are all living in some sort of alternate reality.

Maybe the mommies will like her more, include her more or be more envious of her if she upgrades from the Denali to the Model X.

Lol. Isn’t Denali a high end luxury suv? It’s not cheap. I wish I had a Denali, even an older one with over 100k odometer. I need a strong vehicle for towing a trailer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be completely broken. There was a time in my life when I felt some jealousy -- I remember there was this mom in the most luxurious SUV at preK dropoff and I used to think "wish I were driving that" instead of my then Denali. I was going through some really tough times at the time and I think those bad things were what caused me to envy material things of someone else. Yet, materially I was in a pretty good spot at the time.

But really, now there must be something wrong with me because I'm not particularly happy with what I've got, in fact I'm much less accomplished and poorer than every single one of my friends. I don't have some sort of glamorous education or family money to fall back on, I can barely keep the lights on some months but I don't ever envy others. I had dedicated my life completely to raising kids I could be proud of, but the teenage years have come and things aren't working out there. I should want for more, but I don't. I've just come to a point of complete acceptance.

I think its normal to want more out of life, I don't know what is wrong with me that I don't consider it, but I don't. I think doors start closing at certain ages and stages of life and you come to accept what isn't happening. Doesn't mean you have to love it, but you just know choices you made led you here and well, there isn't any going back.

+1. Thoughtful, realistic post.

Oddly- I have a book recommendation from reading this.

“The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be completely broken. There was a time in my life when I felt some jealousy -- I remember there was this mom in the most luxurious SUV at preK dropoff and I used to think "wish I were driving that" instead of my then Denali. I was going through some really tough times at the time and I think those bad things were what caused me to envy material things of someone else. Yet, materially I was in a pretty good spot at the time.

But really, now there must be something wrong with me because I'm not particularly happy with what I've got, in fact I'm much less accomplished and poorer than every single one of my friends. I don't have some sort of glamorous education or family money to fall back on, I can barely keep the lights on some months but I don't ever envy others. I had dedicated my life completely to raising kids I could be proud of, but the teenage years have come and things aren't working out there. I should want for more, but I don't. I've just come to a point of complete acceptance.

I think its normal to want more out of life, I don't know what is wrong with me that I don't consider it, but I don't. I think doors start closing at certain ages and stages of life and you come to accept what isn't happening. Doesn't mean you have to love it, but you just know choices you made led you here and well, there isn't any going back.

+1. Thoughtful, realistic post.

God, this struck me as someone who is depressed, not thoughtful or realistic. Particularly because the poster referred to themselves as broken or something being wrong with them--as well as less accomplished, poorer, barely able to keep the lights on at times, and disappointed in their kids that they had dedicated their life to. I understand they were trying to distinguish themselves from more envious people with the first descriptions, but that type of language is extremely negative.

I've absolutely become less jealous and more content with myself and my failings as I age, but I would never frame my life in such a disappointed tone. OP, I'm sure there is much good in your life--and that your life is FAR from over. If you need help, please consider reaching out to talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

I just don't understand living somewhere and not making it comfortable and somewhere you want to be even if you don't love every aspect.

Is your kids college fund really going to suffer if you redo your kitchen and get yourself a range you like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you invested in decorating the way you like and carving out spots in your home for yourself?

NP here but this made me realize that I feel like OP a lot because I don't really love my house. I like it and its a privlege to have it but since I felt like it was a big comprimise on a house I would actually build or want in so many ways that I've barely made any effort to actually make the space nice/ pretty/ etc.
There are still old framed photos on the wall that I just moved with me from apartment to apartment and the like.

I feel like I don't want to spend money on this place because I don't like it and hope we will move, but realistically we probably won't move and I am shooting myself in the foot.

Decorating is like 99.9% the battle. Houses are houses, decorated or not is the make or break. Hire a professional and don't look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To OP's point about dreading the first visit, I have had that feeling before and think it's natural. It helps to find ways to manage that dread before and to go in with a more positive mindset. Random list: exercise the jealous rage out the morning of your visit, count your blessings, get a nice housewarming gift. If you focus on things like that, rather than practicing what you'll say when you see the Wolf range (kinda joking, but kinda serious), you'll likely act more like yourself and be a good friend.

Jealous RAGE???

That's a much, much bigger issue than a home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To OP's point about dreading the first visit, I have had that feeling before and think it's natural. It helps to find ways to manage that dread before and to go in with a more positive mindset. Random list: exercise the jealous rage out the morning of your visit, count your blessings, get a nice housewarming gift. If you focus on things like that, rather than practicing what you'll say when you see the Wolf range (kinda joking, but kinda serious), you'll likely act more like yourself and be a good friend.

Jealous RAGE???

That's a much, much bigger issue than a home.

Not OP or PP.

1. I think PP was being hyperbolic
2. I totally get jealous and a little sad/angry about real estate. It seems like every single time I am getting close to being able to afford to buy a place real estate prices jump and everything is just out of reach again. I have a child who isn’t in kindergarten yet, so now would be the time to move, but I am stuck. I think it’s a totally normal reaction.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Yes, I was being hyperbolic. If you’re feeling a little jealous, focus your energy on something else ... exercise can help with that!

[Anonymous]

My kids will be able to go to any college they get into and graduate without debt. I hope when they are young adults they will realize what an amazing gift that is.

I doubt my kids will go into adulthood feeling deprived of a huge house. We are moving soon from a 1500sq ft house to a 2500 Sq ft house. We are gaining an office, a true guest room instead of a pull out sofa in the play room, and a 2nd bathroom upstairs. That’s all we needed. We looked at 4000 Sq ft homes and in each one there were rooms or large spaces we wouldn’t use daily or even weekly.

Finishes and decor can be changed and upgraded slowly over time - and often for less money than if you try to do it all at once.

Ready the book “the not so big house” and make your house just right for you.

[Anonymous]

If any consolation, I hate my Wolf range. Impossible to clean well and the ovens have been inconsistent since year one. Repaired multiple times. I think we got a lemon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids will be able to go to any college they get into and graduate without debt. I hope when they are young adults they will realize what an amazing gift that is.

I doubt my kids will go into adulthood feeling deprived of a huge house. We are moving soon from a 1500sq ft house to a 2500 Sq ft house. We are gaining an office, a true guest room instead of a pull out sofa in the play room, and a 2nd bathroom upstairs. That’s all we needed. We looked at 4000 Sq ft homes and in each one there were rooms or large spaces we wouldn’t use daily or even weekly.

Finishes and decor can be changed and upgraded slowly over time - and often for less money than if you try to do it all at once.

Ready the book “the not so big house” and make your house just right for you.

We’re a family of 4 (soon 5) in a 2,500 sq ft house and it really is perfect space. Enough that we have a dedicated office and guest room. Our same sex kids will have to share a room until oldest goes to college, but kids have survived way worse than bunk beds. I love it because it’s not more than I care to clean (I don’t need more bathrooms to clean than people that live here!). And when we need to replace thing like roof, windows, etc. over time at least we don’t have some sprawling 5k feet to maintain.

Also, it got us in our #1 choice neighborhood so we feel like we lucked out.

With some work, almost any house can be made nice (enough). But you can’t move the land under it.