How to avoid (ok - get over) house envy?

[Anonymous]

Another book recommendation from a np : Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived in that House (honest, funny, smart) and House Envy (more dry but illuminating nonetheless). You are far from alone! Normal emotions but uncomfortable for those of us who do at least aspire to being above such things. Me too

[Anonymous]

They bought Bitcoin and forgot about them. Anybody who was in the market last year made money, and I mean 100-200% unless in funds. This is first thing that comes to my mind, not family money. I made $over 250% last year. Won't buy me a house yet, but I never have to work full time again. All this in one year and I had pennies when I started in March 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I have a gorgeous house. I am a rape and abuse survivor. Tell me how jealous you are of my life.

Me too! And, hugs you you, internet stranger.
OP, get over it. You sound like a small minded jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I have a gorgeous house. I am a rape and abuse survivor. Tell me how jealous you are of my life.

I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop at "we're all government employees, we know what they make." You DON'T know exactly what they make. You don't know if they invested early in apple, amazon, tesla. You actually don't know if they have family money! You don't know if they made a lot off past real estate.

But also, it's totally not your business. Your "house envy" is really indicative of other issues. You may want to address them. It's not a good look.

+1

Grow up, OP. Take responsibility for your choices and your paths that you took. Own your sh*t - no one owes you damn thing.

I know people like you who get hand outs from their ILs or parents. Guess what? They are never happy, because it is never enough, and they are always trying to count other people's pennies. Guess what? You can't. No one is going to tell you everything, no matter how much you want them to, and not everything is on Google. Too bad, so sad.

MYOB and live your own life. Stay in your lane. Since you asked.

Here's an example: I don't have a beach house or a pool, but instead of lamenting what I don't have, I thank God that I survived my serious illness, and my homelessness. I also visit my friends with pools or beach houses whenever I am invited. Most importantly, I don't spend that time saying "why don't I have this???!" I spend my time soaking in the sun and the conversation, and thank God I have generous friends who love me enough to invite me.

You need to gain perspective and grow TF up, OP. No one owes you a damn thing. The sooner you know that, and live it, the happier you will be. Like we tell our young students, "eyes on your own paper". Before you know it, your kids (assuming you have some) will be grown and out of the house. They will remember mom as believing "nothing was ever good enough, she was never happy, must have been us". Do you want that?

Jealousy shows, and it ain't pretty.

This response is so tone deaf and gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids will be able to go to any college they get into and graduate without debt. I hope when they are young adults they will realize what an amazing gift that is.

I doubt my kids will go into adulthood feeling deprived of a huge house. We are moving soon from a 1500sq ft house to a 2500 Sq ft house. We are gaining an office, a true guest room instead of a pull out sofa in the play room, and a 2nd bathroom upstairs. That’s all we needed. We looked at 4000 Sq ft homes and in each one there were rooms or large spaces we wouldn’t use daily or even weekly.

Finishes and decor can be changed and upgraded slowly over time - and often for less money than if you try to do it all at once.

Ready the book “the not so big house” and make your house just right for you.

We’re a family of 4 (soon 5) in a 2,500 sq ft house and it really is perfect space. Enough that we have a dedicated office and guest room. Our same sex kids will have to share a room until oldest goes to college, but kids have survived way worse than bunk beds. I love it because it’s not more than I care to clean (I don’t need more bathrooms to clean than people that live here!). And when we need to replace thing like roof, windows, etc. over time at least we don’t have some sprawling 5k feet to maintain.

Also, it got us in our #1 choice neighborhood so we feel like we lucked out.

With some work, almost any house can be made nice (enough). But you can’t move the land under it.

how does your post help OP feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids will be able to go to any college they get into and graduate without debt. I hope when they are young adults they will realize what an amazing gift that is.

I doubt my kids will go into adulthood feeling deprived of a huge house. We are moving soon from a 1500sq ft house to a 2500 Sq ft house. We are gaining an office, a true guest room instead of a pull out sofa in the play room, and a 2nd bathroom upstairs. That’s all we needed. We looked at 4000 Sq ft homes and in each one there were rooms or large spaces we wouldn’t use daily or even weekly.

Finishes and decor can be changed and upgraded slowly over time - and often for less money than if you try to do it all at once.

Ready the book “the not so big house” and make your house just right for you.

We’re a family of 4 (soon 5) in a 2,500 sq ft house and it really is perfect space. Enough that we have a dedicated office and guest room. Our same sex kids will have to share a room until oldest goes to college, but kids have survived way worse than bunk beds. I love it because it’s not more than I care to clean (I don’t need more bathrooms to clean than people that live here!). And when we need to replace thing like roof, windows, etc. over time at least we don’t have some sprawling 5k feet to maintain.

Also, it got us in our #1 choice neighborhood so we feel like we lucked out.

With some work, almost any house can be made nice (enough). But you can’t move the land under it.

how does your post help OP feel better?

Because where I live in Arlington, a lot of my kids’ friends live in houses that are 4-6k sq ft and $500k+ more than our house. And I have had the thoughts that OP is having where I feel like I would entertain more if I had an open kitchen, nicer yard, better layout, etc. I have been jealous of friends with new build houses I can’t afford and had the sinking feeling “what the heck? I thought they were just like us?”. But unlike OP I have come to a place where I feel confident in the choices my family made and I don’t have regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be completely broken. There was a time in my life when I felt some jealousy -- I remember there was this mom in the most luxurious SUV at preK dropoff and I used to think "wish I were driving that" instead of my then Denali. I was going through some really tough times at the time and I think those bad things were what caused me to envy material things of someone else. Yet, materially I was in a pretty good spot at the time.

But really, now there must be something wrong with me because I'm not particularly happy with what I've got, in fact I'm much less accomplished and poorer than every single one of my friends. I don't have some sort of glamorous education or family money to fall back on, I can barely keep the lights on some months but I don't ever envy others. I had dedicated my life completely to raising kids I could be proud of, but the teenage years have come and things aren't working out there. I should want for more, but I don't. I've just come to a point of complete acceptance.

I think its normal to want more out of life, I don't know what is wrong with me that I don't consider it, but I don't. I think doors start closing at certain ages and stages of life and you come to accept what isn't happening. Doesn't mean you have to love it, but you just know choices you made led you here and well, there isn't any going back.

+1. Thoughtful, realistic post.

God, this struck me as someone who is depressed, not thoughtful or realistic. Particularly because the poster referred to themselves as broken or something being wrong with them--as well as less accomplished, poorer, barely able to keep the lights on at times, and disappointed in their kids that they had dedicated their life to. I understand they were trying to distinguish themselves from more envious people with the first descriptions, but that type of language is extremely negative.

I've absolutely become less jealous and more content with myself and my failings as I age, but I would never frame my life in such a disappointed tone. OP, I'm sure there is much good in your life--and that your life is FAR from over. If you need help, please consider reaching out to talk to someone.

I remember feeling that way when I was in my early 30s. Funny thing is that (1) the more money you make, the less you care (2) the more money you make, the more money other people have. I'm not jealous of others like I was when I was young, but I see $5M houses and wonder if I would like to have it - but I already know that it wouldn't make me any happier (with age comes wisdom).

[Anonymous]

OP, how much is enough? What would make you happy? Is it all about material possessions? Do you seriously think rich people have no problems? I am curious what makes someone care so much about what another person has or does not have. You make your own "luck" - you know that, right?

I mean, if you get the big house, then it will be about the furniture, when you get the "nice" furniture, then it will be about the expensive car, the private school, etc., when does it end? When is it enough?

You need to find a way to cope with "when you don't get that" - not if, nut when. It is your own problem to solve. You can't will other people miserable - it doesn't work that way.

This reminds me of a woman in my neighborhood - nothing makes her happy unless she stirs the pot with gossip - usually about women she perceives has "more" than her. Don't turn into her.