Men, how do you find a wife who makes around the same as you?

[Anonymous]

What were you making when you were 25? Half what you are making now or less? Not many DCUM couples are both making $300K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband in grad school both should have been highish earners. I’m 35 and at $290k and he made some poor career choices and is at $50k at 40. It’s infuriating. I love my husband but it’s been rough. We were supposed to be equalish partners and I have the burden of finances and the large share of child stuff on my shoulders. He is in charge of house stuff which means it’s perpetually in disorder.

Just going to leave this here https://jessica.substack.com/p/is-divorce-the-only-answer-to-an

DP but maybe I should not have read that because now I want to scream into the abyss...

I, too, wish to scream. Also a DP. I stopped drinking for Dry January because the wine was just me trying to stop thinking in the evenings. So now I think again, and I am just generally infuriated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband in grad school both should have been highish earners. I’m 35 and at $290k and he made some poor career choices and is at $50k at 40. It’s infuriating. I love my husband but it’s been rough. We were supposed to be equalish partners and I have the burden of finances and the large share of child stuff on my shoulders. He is in charge of house stuff which means it’s perpetually in disorder.

Just going to leave this here https://jessica.substack.com/p/is-divorce-the-only-answer-to-an

DP but maybe I should not have read that because now I want to scream into the abyss...

I, too, wish to scream. Also a DP. I stopped drinking for Dry January because the wine was just me trying to stop thinking in the evenings. So now I think again, and I am just generally infuriated.

One thing has become painfully clear this year. America doesn’t have a social safety net. America has women.

[Anonymous]

I understand there are many women (I refuse to say “girls”) here on dcum who make an enormous amount of money, and thus are taking OP’s post in stride. But in general - do PPs *look down on* people who make 50k (perhaps people in “do-gooder” fields, or those that haven’t prioritized a high income but live within their means and do meaningful work - to them) - would you value them as human beings - friends, neighbors, community members? Or would you disassociate yourself from them?

[Anonymous]

If my husband has searched for someone making the same as him, they would be an extremely poor couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand there are many women (I refuse to say “girls”) here on dcum who make an enormous amount of money, and thus are taking OP’s post in stride. But in general - do PPs *look down on* people who make 50k (perhaps people in “do-gooder” fields, or those that haven’t prioritized a high income but live within their means and do meaningful work - to them) - would you value them as human beings - friends, neighbors, community members? Or would you disassociate yourself from them?

This forum is very financially conservative so anyone naking $50k in a do-gooder field is viewed as a foolish loser. That is, if they aren't rich from a trust fund or wealthy spouse.

[Anonymous]

You won't find her at work. Even if you marry your boss, she probably makes less than you do because women make so little compared to their male colleagues.

[Anonymous]

I understand there are many women (I refuse to say “girls”) here on dcum who make an enormous amount of money, and thus are taking OP’s post in stride. But in general - do PPs *look down on* people who make 50k (perhaps people in “do-gooder” fields, or those that haven’t prioritized a high income but live within their means and do meaningful work - to them) - would you value them as human beings - friends, neighbors, community members? Or would you disassociate yourself from them?

This is a really important question. If you value your partner only for how much money they make, what kind of a human relationship do you really have?

signed,

a "do gooder" low income career teacher in a public school (with no trust fund) who is happy to have "non wealthy" best friends

[Anonymous]

It is about earnings potential AND having similar values about it. Some people take the lower paying non profit route and that's great and I appreciate them...but I wasnt going to marry them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand there are many women (I refuse to say “girls”) here on dcum who make an enormous amount of money, and thus are taking OP’s post in stride. But in general - do PPs *look down on* people who make 50k (perhaps people in “do-gooder” fields, or those that haven’t prioritized a high income but live within their means and do meaningful work - to them) - would you value them as human beings - friends, neighbors, community members? Or would you disassociate yourself from them?

Sensitive much? I don’t really meet many people in that range unless I’m hiring them, nanny for example, and none could afford to live in my neighborhood. I think OP is smart to consider this. Many guys and woman don’t and end up pissed off like some posters. Two high earners means much less stress. Until recently I was outearning my spouse and lost my job. Well no panic because we can live on one income.

Advice for OP go for lawyers a slightly bit older because if they want kids the bio clock is ticking. So 28-32 or so. Worst case they go government or inhouse from biglaw. Just check for insane debt. Doctors too same reasoning. Ask your friends and friend’s wives to set you up. Fwiw I met my spouse at work but it was a temporary job and I’d be worried with me too myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Rich/High earner
2. Young/Attractive
3. Sane/Stable

Pick 2.

Wrong #3 is the better choice

[Anonymous]

1. You can earn more money
2. Looks fade
3. Crazy only gets worse and will devastate #1 and #2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What were you making when you were 25? Half what you are making now or less? Not many DCUM couples are both making $300K.

+1 OP you want to date someone several years younger (so she is prettier/hotter, has fewer demands w/r/t timing & kids) but you also want whoever you date to have the advantage of making mid-career money to compliment your own, so you don't feel taken advantage of? And the only information you've given about yourself is that you don't have an advanced degree. If you were ridiculously good looking or charming you wouldn't be on here asking where to find the types of women you want, so . . . you do the math. You're expecting someone to be the best of all worlds while you're just some dude.

Water finds its own level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand there are many women (I refuse to say “girls”) here on dcum who make an enormous amount of money, and thus are taking OP’s post in stride. But in general - do PPs *look down on* people who make 50k (perhaps people in “do-gooder” fields, or those that haven’t prioritized a high income but live within their means and do meaningful work - to them) - would you value them as human beings - friends, neighbors, community members? Or would you disassociate yourself from them?

A PP who met her spouse in grad school. I certainly don’t look down on those professions - several members of my birth family are in them.

I, along with many other posters, suspect the OP is dating young, hot, waiting to wed who earn $50k, and a tiny bit on the side of gold digging. . Not ambitious women who chose to enter a lower paying field because they found it more fulfilling. I have no doubt that there some elitists here, but I suspect this is really OPs underlying problem.

[Anonymous]

Met DH in business school. Not top 5, more Darden tier. Asked him out as he was incredibly cute combined with friendly and approachable. We both earn $200k+, but the bigger picture is that grad school puts you into a situation where others are pre-selected. I knew that obviously he had intelligence and drive vs. a random.