Men, how do you find a wife who makes around the same as you?

[Anonymous]

Met my partner at a bar association happy hour. True story!

[Anonymous]

No one in my field will ever make 200K but I everyone has a PhD and most are considered very professionally successful. Which do you want? Do you care only about salary or do you care about professional accomplishment and ambition? You seem to be conflating the two things as if they are the same.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be blunt. Date someone same age and attractiveness level as you and the income will go up. Date some high attractiveness and lower age and it’s really not surprising that income is lower.

[Anonymous]

Very shallow of you, OP.

Also, DCUM is not the real world. It skews heavily on the wealthy side.

[Anonymous]

I mean, if they are low earners in DC they are likely in do-gooder jobs. You sound shallow.

[Anonymous]

We met online a decade ago

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I both make just above $200k each and we met on Tinder.

But in general, need to meet them through work or grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find someone with a good work ethic in grad school or shortly thereafter and humility (i.e. doesn't expect life to be handed to them on a silver platter). The rest is luck.

OP here, so I work in tech which is well known for not valuing anything over a Bachelor’s unless you go into some very specialized work like AI, thus I only have a BS in Computer Science. I have zero plans on ever getting a Master’s degree because I simply don’t need and nobody I work with has one. I guess I’m screwed?

Woman here... I met my DH at work. We both have only a Bachelor's and both earn high $100k. Our attractiveness level is about the same.

DH is more on the technical side, and I'm more on the functional side.

Most of the people I know in tech don't have a masters, so I agree with you there.

Are you in the DC area? My DH and I met in the Bay Area. I don't that much about the tech area here in terms of gender split, but I know a lot of women in the IT space in the Bay Area, most are PM, BSAs who work in the IT department.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met my partner at a bar association happy hour. True story!

Yuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We met online a decade ago

+1. At the time both in Biglaw -- now both government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We met in college but weren't an item, reconnected at a conference many years later. OP, maybe socialize with people you went to school with? Go to more industry events (post-COVID)?

I will also say that for some of our friends the problem OP is describing is that they are turned off by ambitious, driven women who don't have time to fuss over them and don't take nonsense from anyone. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who has a comparable career to you, but you have to be prepared (and happy!) for them to be your true equal.

This! I was that woman and I had difficulty finding a guy who would appreciate me for who I was and did not feel threatened by my success. I eventually did find him but not before kissing some frogs.

[Anonymous]

Just a thought but if you're in the $200K+ range and you find someone making $75K per year you're still pulling in at least $275K which is a great salary for this area. Unless you have really extravagant tastes you should have a great life on that income.

I also think there can be some stress associated with having two high-powered careers that it's not a bad thing to have one or both partners with some flexibility if you plan on having children.

[Anonymous]

Y'all are spoiled here. Just go on 4 dates and chances are you will end up Werth someone making 6 figures. I'm from Miami where the dating pool was swamped with uneducated and unemployed men. But they were better looking so there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like every other poster here makes 200-300k and is married to someone else making a salary in this range. How do you guys find women like this? I make in this range as well but every girl I’ve dated earns below 50k. I’m not sure I want to enter a marriage with such a disparity in earnings, but I cannot for the life of me find a single woman who is at my level career wise. Am I dating too young? I mostly stick with women 25-30. I’m
32.

At this point, you should be dating women, not “girls”.

[Anonymous]

Date your equals, professionally. Not women you meet at bars. Socialize with people in your profession.

But make sure you want an equal partner, not someone who will be content washing your dishes and cooking your food.