Why would a dad not get 50/50 custody?

[Anonymous]

They have been separated for 2 years. He won't move off the property until a custody agreement is finalized/agreed to since she won't agree to more than every other weekend. He's offered more money than the formula calls for in 50/50. It's been going on forever in terms of negotiations and mediations. Going to a judge in Feb. Thus my question.

I guess it really comes down to the judge and how the cases are presented then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can only go by what OP is telling us, and given that she's the girlfriend odds are pretty high she doesn't have the whole story only what her boyfriend is telling her and odds are pretty high he's telling her a story that makes him look good/like a victim and his ex-wife mean and crazy.

This. OP, I refused 50/50 to my ex as well. He fed his family and girlfriend a sob story about why, and they chose to believe it.

[Anonymous]

I think judges tend to think that alternating weeks is too disruptive so they go with alternate weekends. They seem to give weekdays to the parent with a more flexible schedule. If there was an appeal you might be able to find information online if you’re suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some adults just suck.

I don’t care how much you hate your ex, your kids’ relationship with their parents shouldn’t be negatively impacted. Grown-ups should minimize the impact of divorce on their kids. That means: kids don’t have two bedrooms; kids stay in the family home, and parents move around. The grown-ups agree they will always be a family. That means the kids have both parents at milestone events.

Can you imagine only seeing your kids twice a month? Imagine being a kid who only sees their dad twice a month. That’s just awful. That mom super sucks. I don’t care if he cheated; that’s a “mom” problem, not a kid problem.

This isn't true when the kids are as old as they are n this scenario they likely know dad cheated, and it's the reason their family broke up and are probably pretty pissed about it, they might not want to spend time with dad and his new girlfriend. The youngest is 10 here the other 2 are teens, Who know what has gone in that household, the kids might not want to spend time with dad, and it could have nothing to do with mom. We aren't dealing with toddlers and preschoolers here.


As for the rest, parents should be civil, and co-parent together, they should be able to attend events for the child together. The other stuff may sound nice, but in reality, just doesn't work long-term it's better for kids to accept life has changed from the start, but mom and dad will still be there for them.

Kids shouldn't be forced to pick between their parents nor supported to.

The real issue here is with OP and why she'd want to be with a man who she knows cheated on his wife, having an affair with her and her biggest worry is him having custody. He will cheat on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think judges tend to think that alternating weeks is too disruptive so they go with alternate weekends. They seem to give weekdays to the parent with a more flexible schedule. If there was an appeal you might be able to find information online if you’re suspicious.

Its child support in high income situations like this. Mom will not get alimony because she's working and needs to maintain the lifestyle so to do that they need a way to boost child support.

Either way. OP is having an affair as he is still married. He's had other affairs she knows about so this situation doesn't really matter for her how it plays out. What matters is what kind of future does she think she will have with him? He's had multiple affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have been separated for 2 years. He won't move off the property until a custody agreement is finalized/agreed to since she won't agree to more than every other weekend. He's offered more money than the formula calls for in 50/50. It's been going on forever in terms of negotiations and mediations. Going to a judge in Feb. Thus my question.

I guess it really comes down to the judge and how the cases are presented then.

She wants revenge or more money. He is smart not to move off as she'd probably deny him contact.

But, why do you want to be with a man who has had multiple affairs and will probably end up with the debt which will make it hard for you to get a house with him/marry and have your own kids especially if he pays for college for three. He may not be able to afford to move off property either until the house gets sold.

The real issue is your relationship with him.

The judge will decide in Feb. It could go either way as these things are very subjective.

[Anonymous]

Like I said - the issue at hand gets lost because of the assumptions being made about my situation. That's ok but I wanted to avoid it so I didn't mention at first.

The divorced people I know have 50/50 except in the cases when one of the parents moves/moved out of town. I don't know how much legal back and forth there was for those cases though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some adults just suck.

I don’t care how much you hate your ex, your kids’ relationship with their parents shouldn’t be negatively impacted. Grown-ups should minimize the impact of divorce on their kids. That means: kids don’t have two bedrooms; kids stay in the family home, and parents move around. The grown-ups agree they will always be a family. That means the kids have both parents at milestone events.

Can you imagine only seeing your kids twice a month? Imagine being a kid who only sees their dad twice a month. That’s just awful. That mom super sucks. I don’t care if he cheated; that’s a “mom” problem, not a kid problem.

This isn't true when the kids are as old as they are n this scenario they likely know dad cheated, and it's the reason their family broke up and are probably pretty pissed about it, they might not want to spend time with dad and his new girlfriend. The youngest is 10 here the other 2 are teens, Who know what has gone in that household, the kids might not want to spend time with dad, and it could have nothing to do with mom. We aren't dealing with toddlers and preschoolers here.


As for the rest, parents should be civil, and co-parent together, they should be able to attend events for the child together. The other stuff may sound nice, but in reality, just doesn't work long-term it's better for kids to accept life has changed from the start, but mom and dad will still be there for them.

I think you're projecting your experience into this. Nobody is forcing the kids to do anything. Family Courts consider the opinion of teens, I don't know if you have kids or teens yet but it's in everyone's best interest to consider their opinon.

Kids shouldn't be forced to pick between their parents nor supported to.

The real issue here is with OP and why she'd want to be with a man who she knows cheated on his wife, having an affair with her and her biggest worry is him having custody. He will cheat on her.

[Anonymous]

^ she probably she cheated on her ex-husband too which is why cheating doesn’t bother her.

But, yes, he will cheat again. This time on her.

[Anonymous]

My family court lawyer told me that only crazy people litigate - so one of the two parents in this instance is crazy.

That doesn’t mean the non-crazy parent wins. The judge gets a few hours of information to make an incredibly important decision. There is not enough time for the judge to really get the nuance of the case, and (at least in MoCo) not all judges who hear family law cases have a lot of experience in family law, so you could get someone who doesn’t really know very much about case law. My point being, you are placing all of your hopes in the judgement of someone who is a complete stranger and doesn’t really care about your family.

That being said, assuming if they haven’t been able to work out custody for 2 years, one of the parents is crazy/difficult, so that how you ended up in court. Frankly, I would start praying to whatever god you believe in - you really are rolling the dice going to court.

FWIW, I know three families where the father got an every other weekend schedule. In all cases, both parents were loving and involved, marriage did not end because of affairs, and custody for ugly and the father settled for less because he didn’t want to litigate it. Many mothers truly think their kids need them more, and want primary custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family court lawyer told me that only crazy people litigate - so one of the two parents in this instance is crazy.

That doesn’t mean the non-crazy parent wins. The judge gets a few hours of information to make an incredibly important decision. There is not enough time for the judge to really get the nuance of the case, and (at least in MoCo) not all judges who hear family law cases have a lot of experience in family law, so you could get someone who doesn’t really know very much about case law. My point being, you are placing all of your hopes in the judgement of someone who is a complete stranger and doesn’t really care about your family.

That being said, assuming if they haven’t been able to work out custody for 2 years, one of the parents is crazy/difficult, so that how you ended up in court. Frankly, I would start praying to whatever god you believe in - you really are rolling the dice going to court.

FWIW, I know three families where the father got an every other weekend schedule. In all cases, both parents were loving and involved, marriage did not end because of affairs, and custody for ugly and the father settled for less because he didn’t want to litigate it. Many mothers truly think their kids need them more, and want primary custody.

This is very true but it also comes down to money/child support. Child support goes by timeshare. Two reasonable people will work it out.

[Anonymous]

Mom wants the cash 🤣🤣🤣

Child support doesn’t even come close to supporting my kids’ lifestyles. It literally pays for two bills, maybe? A clever high earning ex will cook the books so his income is hidden and I learned long ago that it wasn’t worth fighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom wants the cash 🤣🤣🤣

Child support doesn’t even come close to supporting my kids’ lifestyles. It literally pays for two bills, maybe? A clever high earning ex will cook the books so his income is hidden and I learned long ago that it wasn’t worth fighting.

+1. It’s so funny when people assume women want more custody to get more child support. The extra money rarely fully offsets the increased cost of having the kids more days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

Do you have kids and know what their daily routines are actually like? 50/50 physical is really disruptive unless the parents do the nest thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

Do you have kids and know what their daily routines are actually like? 50/50 physical is really disruptive unless the parents do the nest thing.

No, it is not. Kids adapt. If you think it is bad you be the ncp.