Why would a dad not get 50/50 custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad cheated but there is no AP in the picture. Mom ran up credit cards bills pretty heavily unknown to dad. So neither are wearing the white hat. Dad absolutely wants equal time. There is nothing 'horrific'.

Both of these fall under the definition of ‘horrific’.

Not as it applies to determining custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad cheated but there is no AP in the picture. Mom ran up credit cards bills pretty heavily unknown to dad. So neither are wearing the white hat. Dad absolutely wants equal time. There is nothing 'horrific'.

Both of these fall under the definition of ‘horrific’.

Not as it applies to determining custody.

This is accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

That isn’t what you said at all, and too really don’t know how much of a disruption it would be because we don’t know the details of the kids lives. But generally, if there is a parent who is the primary parent (does more of the school/daycare pickups and drop offs, does the driving to extracurriculars, goes to the parent teacher conferences, and generally is caring for the kids for more hours in the day), it can be expected that the kids will continue to spend most of their time with the primary parent.

Time with kids is not a marital asset. Splitting it isn’t a judgment on the parents, it’s a judgment on what will make the divorce easiest for the kids. That’s the idea at least.

What I am saying. Not what I did say. I was elaborating on my original post and responding to yours.

You right, we don't know the details, therefore your assumptions about who has been doing what may be off-based.

And while best interest of the kids is generally the standard, your wrong to think they look at it purely in those sort of transactional terms and place incredible weight on who was doing certain (especially logistical things) during the marriage. As part of the divorce, all of those involved will have to make changes and the fact that the parties during a marriage decided that certain things like pickup/drop-off were divided one way during the marriage means it will stay that way. It is not necessarily "easier" (accepting your formulation) for the kids to deal with a divorce because the same parent attends parent teacher or not.

In a situation where the dad has been involved actively in their kids lives (and that can very much be the case even if the mom handled more of the logistics) and isn't disqualified for other reasons, there will be a general assumption that the best interest of the children will be met by keeping the dad very actively involved in their lives, which usually means beyond simply every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Important factors in child custody:

1. State
2. County
3. Judge
4. The quality of your lawyer
5. Luck

I would also suggest to OP that if the kids choose the mom over the dad, the dad should walk away and forget he ever had children. It's disowning and disinheriting time.

I can see why your kids would choose their mom over you. What a loser. Any man who speaks this way about his kids never loved or wanted them to start with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Important factors in child custody:

1. State
2. County
3. Judge
4. The quality of your lawyer
5. Luck

I would also suggest to OP that if the kids choose the mom over the dad, the dad should walk away and forget he ever had children. It's disowning and disinheriting time.

Omg. Who hurt you?

When I chose my mom over my dad it was because my mom didn’t make me do as many chores (my mom was a flake with making us do chores) and there was a boy I liked on the street. I’m sure my dad has more brains than you and we still have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Some adults just suck.

I don’t care how much you hate your ex, your kids’ relationship with their parents shouldn’t be negatively impacted. Grown-ups should minimize the impact of divorce on their kids. That means: kids don’t have two bedrooms; kids stay in the family home, and parents move around. The grown-ups agree they will always be a family. That means the kids have both parents at milestone events.

Can you imagine only seeing your kids twice a month? Imagine being a kid who only sees their dad twice a month. That’s just awful. That mom super sucks. I don’t care if he cheated; that’s a “mom” problem, not a kid problem.

[Anonymous]

The travel aspect seems to be getting ignored here, but it’s a significant consideration. If dad is traveling for work during the week at unpredictable intervals, that will weigh in favor of the kids staying with mom during the week to help maintain predictability and stability for them and to minimize childcare issues if dad suddenly has to be away on a night the kids were supposed to be with him.

[Anonymous]

Most of the time it's because he didn't want more time. 50/50 is the standard with the exceptions for violence and drugs. Even then he still might get 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some adults just suck.

I don’t care how much you hate your ex, your kids’ relationship with their parents shouldn’t be negatively impacted. Grown-ups should minimize the impact of divorce on their kids. That means: kids don’t have two bedrooms; kids stay in the family home, and parents move around. The grown-ups agree they will always be a family. That means the kids have both parents at milestone events.

Can you imagine only seeing your kids twice a month? Imagine being a kid who only sees their dad twice a month. That’s just awful. That mom super sucks. I don’t care if he cheated; that’s a “mom” problem, not a kid problem.

On the flip side, one could say the at dad “super sucks” if he won’t change jobs to something that will allow him to be home with his kids more.

That aside, what you described with a family home and the parents moving around never works for more than a brief period. Demanding that as a long-term solution is delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The travel aspect seems to be getting ignored here, but it’s a significant consideration. If dad is traveling for work during the week at unpredictable intervals, that will weigh in favor of the kids staying with mom during the week to help maintain predictability and stability for them and to minimize childcare issues if dad suddenly has to be away on a night the kids were supposed to be with him.

OP said a few days only. That is not enough to take away custody but if this is real there is clearly a lot more to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some adults just suck.

I don’t care how much you hate your ex, your kids’ relationship with their parents shouldn’t be negatively impacted. Grown-ups should minimize the impact of divorce on their kids. That means: kids don’t have two bedrooms; kids stay in the family home, and parents move around. The grown-ups agree they will always be a family. That means the kids have both parents at milestone events.

Can you imagine only seeing your kids twice a month? Imagine being a kid who only sees their dad twice a month. That’s just awful. That mom super sucks. I don’t care if he cheated; that’s a “mom” problem, not a kid problem.

Dad is no longer Dad with 4 days a month. A favorite uncle or even friends get more time than that.

Custody and relationship issues are two separate issues but often the CP likes to get revenge and taking away the kids or money are the easiest ways.

However, if Dad already cheated and it was not OP and now is separated and cheating with her, he will cheat again and why on earth would you want to be with a man like that. His kids/family don't come first, nor does she. His penis does. (and if mom was cheating her vagina does).

[Anonymous]

We can only go by what OP is telling us, and given that she's the girlfriend odds are pretty high she doesn't have the whole story only what her boyfriend is telling her and odds are pretty high he's telling her a story that makes him look good/like a victim and his ex-wife mean and crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The travel aspect seems to be getting ignored here, but it’s a significant consideration. If dad is traveling for work during the week at unpredictable intervals, that will weigh in favor of the kids staying with mom during the week to help maintain predictability and stability for them and to minimize childcare issues if dad suddenly has to be away on a night the kids were supposed to be with him.

OP said a few days only. That is not enough to take away custody but if this is real there is clearly a lot more to it.

But that’s still a few months when there’s a potential problem. What happens if dad finds out he needs to travel on two days notice and mom has already made plans to go away that night because the kids were supposed to be with dad? Is dad going to cancel his work travel, or is the expectation that mom will cancel her plans to accommodate dad’s job? If the latter, that’s a strong argument for having the kids live with mom during the week. If dad wants mid-week time, he needs to commit to it and prioritize it ahead of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some adults just suck.

I don’t care how much you hate your ex, your kids’ relationship with their parents shouldn’t be negatively impacted. Grown-ups should minimize the impact of divorce on their kids. That means: kids don’t have two bedrooms; kids stay in the family home, and parents move around. The grown-ups agree they will always be a family. That means the kids have both parents at milestone events.

Can you imagine only seeing your kids twice a month? Imagine being a kid who only sees their dad twice a month. That’s just awful. That mom super sucks. I don’t care if he cheated; that’s a “mom” problem, not a kid problem.

Dad is no longer Dad with 4 days a month. A favorite uncle or even friends get more time than that.

Custody and relationship issues are two separate issues but often the CP likes to get revenge and taking away the kids or money are the easiest ways.

However, if Dad already cheated and it was not OP and now is separated and cheating with her, he will cheat again and why on earth would you want to be with a man like that. His kids/family don't come first, nor does she. His penis does. (and if mom was cheating her vagina does).

No uncle or friend gets legally-ordered tier with the kids. Don’t be absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some adults just suck.

I don’t care how much you hate your ex, your kids’ relationship with their parents shouldn’t be negatively impacted. Grown-ups should minimize the impact of divorce on their kids. That means: kids don’t have two bedrooms; kids stay in the family home, and parents move around. The grown-ups agree they will always be a family. That means the kids have both parents at milestone events.

Can you imagine only seeing your kids twice a month? Imagine being a kid who only sees their dad twice a month. That’s just awful. That mom super sucks. I don’t care if he cheated; that’s a “mom” problem, not a kid problem.

This isn't true when the kids are as old as they are n this scenario they likely know dad cheated, and it's the reason their family broke up and are probably pretty pissed about it, they might not want to spend time with dad and his new girlfriend. The youngest is 10 here the other 2 are teens, Who know what has gone in that household, the kids might not want to spend time with dad, and it could have nothing to do with mom. We aren't dealing with toddlers and preschoolers here.


As for the rest, parents should be civil, and co-parent together, they should be able to attend events for the child together. The other stuff may sound nice, but in reality, just doesn't work long-term it's better for kids to accept life has changed from the start, but mom and dad will still be there for them.