Why would a dad not get 50/50 custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

Do you have kids and know what their daily routines are actually like? 50/50 physical is really disruptive unless the parents do the nest thing.

No, it is not. Kids adapt. If you think it is bad you be the ncp.

My childhood friend was going back and forth between his parents home. After a while he flat out refused to pack his bag to go to the next house. His parents asked him to choose who he wanted to live with but he told them, at 10 years old, he’s not going to and they need to make a better plan. They did and he wound up staying with his mother more. He was happier.

One example. That is not ok. A 10 year old does not get it. If you advocate child goes with one parent, then that parent should fully provide and terminate the other parents rights as they are no longer a parent but in name only. In this parents choose and mom won as usual.

What a bizarre response.

Very bizarre. My friend was going back and forth for 2 years. He hated that he had to pack his bag every week so that his parents actually got 50/50 time. The agreement was more about them than his happiness. But in the end, he spent time with both parents just stayed at mom's house at night more.

I don't know about short-term happiness but the long-term research indicates children have better outcomes (more educational attainment, less crime, less drug and alcohol abuse, less mental problems, higher incomes as adults) when they spend lots of time with both parents, and children have poor outcomes when they spent all of their time with their mothers. In fact, if one had to choose one parent for a child based on long-term outcomes, children would always live with their father.

They did this in the old days and it was bad news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

Do you have kids and know what their daily routines are actually like? 50/50 physical is really disruptive unless the parents do the nest thing.

No, it is not. Kids adapt. If you think it is bad you be the ncp.

My childhood friend was going back and forth between his parents home. After a while he flat out refused to pack his bag to go to the next house. His parents asked him to choose who he wanted to live with but he told them, at 10 years old, he’s not going to and they need to make a better plan. They did and he wound up staying with his mother more. He was happier.

One example. That is not ok. A 10 year old does not get it. If you advocate child goes with one parent, then that parent should fully provide and terminate the other parents rights as they are no longer a parent but in name only. In this parents choose and mom won as usual.

What a bizarre response.

Very bizarre. My friend was going back and forth for 2 years. He hated that he had to pack his bag every week so that his parents actually got 50/50 time. The agreement was more about them than his happiness. But in the end, he spent time with both parents just stayed at mom's house at night more.

I don't know about short-term happiness but the long-term research indicates children have better outcomes (more educational attainment, less crime, less drug and alcohol abuse, less mental problems, higher incomes as adults) when they spend lots of time with both parents, and children have poor outcomes when they spent all of their time with their mothers. In fact, if one had to choose one parent for a child based on long-term outcomes, children would always live with their father.

The problem with these studies is they aren't conduucted using good science, and yet people use them to come to inane conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know about short-term happiness but the long-term research indicates children have better outcomes (more educational attainment, less crime, less drug and alcohol abuse, less mental problems, higher incomes as adults) when they spend lots of time with both parents, and children have poor outcomes when they spent all of their time with their mothers. In fact, if one had to choose one parent for a child based on long-term outcomes, children would always live with their father.

Citation badly needed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

Do you have kids and know what their daily routines are actually like? 50/50 physical is really disruptive unless the parents do the nest thing.

No, it is not. Kids adapt. If you think it is bad you be the ncp.

My childhood friend was going back and forth between his parents home. After a while he flat out refused to pack his bag to go to the next house. His parents asked him to choose who he wanted to live with but he told them, at 10 years old, he’s not going to and they need to make a better plan. They did and he wound up staying with his mother more. He was happier.

Right. Does anyone remember living with your boyfriend before you got engaged or decided to live together? Does anyone remember that little bag you’d drag back and fro the between your house and his? How you’d forget things in the other house and it was so annoying? How you felt you didn’t really live in either house and had no place of your own? Yeah...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time it's because he didn't want more time. 50/50 is the standard with the exceptions for violence and drugs. Even then he still might get 50/50.

This. I don’t think I know any divorced parents who don’t have 50/50 on paper, actually...in reality almost all of the kids end up spending more time at one parent’s home (usually mom, but not always).

I think the bar is extremely high to prove that a parent doesn’t deserve 50%....serious drugs or abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time it's because he didn't want more time. 50/50 is the standard with the exceptions for violence and drugs. Even then he still might get 50/50.

This. I don’t think I know any divorced parents who don’t have 50/50 on paper, actually...in reality almost all of the kids end up spending more time at one parent’s home (usually mom, but not always).

I think the bar is extremely high to prove that a parent doesn’t deserve 50%....serious drugs or abuse.

It really depends on the state laws and judge. Some states are automatically 50/50 and other states are every other weekend still.

However, OP needs to stay out of custody and really look at her relationship with this man. He cheated at least once prior to her that she disclosed and now having an affair with her. This isn't going anywhere good fast. He will cheat on her too. And, if he cannot afford to get a place of his own, they are having money issues and paying for a long court battle, all red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

Do you have kids and know what their daily routines are actually like? 50/50 physical is really disruptive unless the parents do the nest thing.

No, it is not. Kids adapt. If you think it is bad you be the ncp.

My childhood friend was going back and forth between his parents home. After a while he flat out refused to pack his bag to go to the next house. His parents asked him to choose who he wanted to live with but he told them, at 10 years old, he’s not going to and they need to make a better plan. They did and he wound up staying with his mother more. He was happier.

One example. That is not ok. A 10 year old does not get it. If you advocate child goes with one parent, then that parent should fully provide and terminate the other parents rights as they are no longer a parent but in name only. In this parents choose and mom won as usual.

What a bizarre response.

Very bizarre. My friend was going back and forth for 2 years. He hated that he had to pack his bag every week so that his parents actually got 50/50 time. The agreement was more about them than his happiness. But in the end, he spent time with both parents just stayed at mom's house at night more.

I don't know about short-term happiness but the long-term research indicates children have better outcomes (more educational attainment, less crime, less drug and alcohol abuse, less mental problems, higher incomes as adults) when they spend lots of time with both parents, and children have poor outcomes when they spent all of their time with their mothers. In fact, if one had to choose one parent for a child based on long-term outcomes, children would always live with their father.

I’m not sure how you concluded he spent more time with one parent over the other. I said he slept more at his mother’s house. He spent a great deal with his dad but was tired of shuffling his bag every week. He’s a pretty stable upstanding man. Him and his wife are very high income earners and he has a great relationship with both of his parents and step parents. The point of my story was in response to a pp saying kids adapt. Not always and the parents came to a resolution for the sake of their son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the girlfriend.

PP called it.

This is incorrect. OP said there was an affair, but AP is no longer in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time it's because he didn't want more time. 50/50 is the standard with the exceptions for violence and drugs. Even then he still might get 50/50.

This. I don’t think I know any divorced parents who don’t have 50/50 on paper, actually...in reality almost all of the kids end up spending more time at one parent’s home (usually mom, but not always).

I think the bar is extremely high to prove that a parent doesn’t deserve 50%....serious drugs or abuse.

It really depends on the state laws and judge. Some states are automatically 50/50 and other states are every other weekend still.

However, OP needs to stay out of custody and really look at her relationship with this man. He cheated at least once prior to her that she disclosed and now having an affair with her. This isn't going anywhere good fast. He will cheat on her too. And, if he cannot afford to get a place of his own, they are having money issues and paying for a long court battle, all red flags.

+1