Why would a dad not get 50/50 custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

So, its better for them to live without their Dad who has been an equal parent all along vs. both parents. Every other weekend is 4 nights a month. Its about money. Child support is based off where the child sleeps at night. Mom gets more child support if kids sleep at her house. Its more disruptive to kids to lose their father and Dad become more of an uncle figure vs. Dad.

Cheater mom who did less with teen boys than dad wants the kids only because she has never worked a day in her life and wants the child support $. Though she was the one bringing AP to the house.

You are losing a lot of credibility, OP. It’s clear you’re not even trying to present a balanced picture, which makes everything you say suspect. Let me guess, you’re the new girlfriend and it’s very important to you to be able to believe that he’s not a mediocre parent?

Nothing in OP comments said Dad was a bad parent, in fact it was the opposite. So, why should he get less time if he's been an equal parent? Why do you assume its always the Dad who cheats and is the bad parent? Mom's can cheat and be the bad parent. It goes both ways.

However none of it is relevant for custody. Teens need both their parents. Why would you advocate to take away a parent just for money? OH wait, money is all you care about?

Did you mean to respond to a different post? None of this has anything to do with what I said.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused if you are asking people to address a situation which has already been decided by the court or if this is a hypothetical judgement. If not yet decided by the court, it seems there would be a good chance dad would get 50/50 if he wants it despite what mom wants to “give” him. It doesn’t work like that. But, get ready to spend a lot in legal fees over it if you can’t agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

Divorce is disruptive. Teens aren't spending 3-6 with their parents. They are having a snack, doing their homework, at after school activities or other activities. Parents are not sitting next to them for those hours. Mom could also keep them till Dad gets home as part of the time share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even with a 50/50 split, trading off weekends is appropriate. Is dad able to have the kids stay at his house 2-3 days every week, including getting them to school in the morning, picking them up afterward, and taking them to after school activities?

This is a pretty key question. Are you going to answer it, OP? IME, when there’s a significant disparity in the schedule, it’s often because dad’s work schedule doesn’t accommodate weekday parenting, and he’s not willing to make job changes so he can be a weekday parent.

Yes THIS is the big factor in most family courts. Not cheating, not quality of parenting (unless it’s really bad), not financial mismanagement, etc. Custody determinations are made with the kids’ lives in mind, not what the parent perceived as far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad cheated but there is no AP in the picture. Mom ran up credit cards bills pretty heavily unknown to dad. So neither are wearing the white hat. Dad absolutely wants equal time. There is nothing 'horrific'.

Then fight for it. Find a lawyer who will do exactly that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

Divorce is disruptive. Teens aren't spending 3-6 with their parents. They are having a snack, doing their homework, at after school activities or other activities. Parents are not sitting next to them for those hours. Mom could also keep them till Dad gets home as part of the time share.

I’m guessing you’re not a family law attorney. It’s not about what’s an acceptable living condition for the kids. It’s about minimizing disruptions in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Why are you involved in this OP?

[Anonymous]

I am the girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

Divorce is disruptive. Teens aren't spending 3-6 with their parents. They are having a snack, doing their homework, at after school activities or other activities. Parents are not sitting next to them for those hours. Mom could also keep them till Dad gets home as part of the time share.

It’s not about the parent sitting right next to them, it’s about having an adult present in the home to minimize the number of hours the kids are wholly unsupervised. The more unsupervised time a teen has after school, the more likely they are to get into drugs or other risky activity. Having dad pick the kids up from mom in the evening could work for one night during the week, but isn’t really workable mutilple days a wrk because it requires the kids to carry all of their stuff, including sports gear or other equipment for after school activities to school every day to transport between houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a dad wants 50/50 but the mom only wants to 'give' him every other weekend, what would cause a judge to side with mom? Dad is involved, present, coaches, cooks, shops, does some social managing, etc. He travels some for work but only a few days a month if that. Commute is long but still gets home at a reasonable hour (6ish). Mom says her schedule is better since she works at one of their schools and closer to the others and home. Dad has been living on the property but in the guest house. Mom is claiming that makes her the primary parent since the kids are sleeping in the main house. Kids are teens and 10yo.

The default is 50/50 unless there is something wrong. One parent out of state or too far away from school for a realistic daily commute. One parent is negligent or abusive. Kids have special needs that require more stability and routine than the norm. And so on. The loss of 50/50 happens more with younger kids (like infants).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the girlfriend.

PP called it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even with a 50/50 split, trading off weekends is appropriate. Is dad able to have the kids stay at his house 2-3 days every week, including getting them to school in the morning, picking them up afterward, and taking them to after school activities?

This is a pretty key question. Are you going to answer it, OP? IME, when there’s a significant disparity in the schedule, it’s often because dad’s work schedule doesn’t accommodate weekday parenting, and he’s not willing to make job changes so he can be a weekday parent.

Yes THIS is the big factor in most family courts. Not cheating, not quality of parenting (unless it’s really bad), not financial mismanagement, etc. Custody determinations are made with the kids’ lives in mind, not what the parent perceived as far.

Exactly this. Kids come first, parents second. If your solution creates a whole bunch of headaches for the kid just to give one parent more time, a court isn’t likely to go along with that.

[Anonymous]

Right. I didn't say that right off the bat because then people would tell me all the reasons why I am wrong or to mind my own business or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a dad wants 50/50 but the mom only wants to 'give' him every other weekend, what would cause a judge to side with mom? Dad is involved, present, coaches, cooks, shops, does some social managing, etc. He travels some for work but only a few days a month if that. Commute is long but still gets home at a reasonable hour (6ish). Mom says her schedule is better since she works at one of their schools and closer to the others and home. Dad has been living on the property but in the guest house. Mom is claiming that makes her the primary parent since the kids are sleeping in the main house. Kids are teens and 10yo.

The default is 50/50 unless there is something wrong. One parent out of state or too far away from school for a realistic daily commute. One parent is negligent or abusive. Kids have special needs that require more stability and routine than the norm. And so on. The loss of 50/50 happens more with younger kids (like infants).

This isn’t true. I don’t know the jurisdiction but I can imagine the default being 50/50 custodial custody unless there is something wrong, but not 50/50 physical custody. In a situation where there is a stay at home parent and a parent who works longer hours, it would be unlikely that the parents would get 50/50 physical custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right. I didn't say that right off the bat because then people would tell me all the reasons why I am wrong or to mind my own business or whatever.

If your boyfriend doesn’t get 50/50 physical custody, he shouldn’t take it personally. I know it has to be really hard, but it’s not at all a reflection of his abilities as a parent.