10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?

[Anonymous]

OP - there is a messaging app called KIK that people use - same as texting but a place to “hide “ them. Look for that on your husbands phone? (Maybe that’s your son saw?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

GO AWAY!!! You try to derail every thread with this bs- are you do dim that you do not understand that DCUM is not buying this? You are never able to support any credible support for this, there is vast anecdotal evidence on DCUM to the contrary and yiu are beyond tiresome. Find another hobby.

Google "percent of married men who have affairs" (answer: about 25%)
Google "percent of sexless marriages" (answer: about 20%)
The venn diagram of these 2 sets of men is effectively a circle

2 things:

1st - this a load of BS.
2nd - show us FACTS. LINKS. ACTUAL DIAGRAMS.

You dispute Google's stats above? Or my assertion that both stats are the same men?
Google "why do married men cheat" .... (top answer: dissatisfaction in the marriage either emotionally or sexually)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just spoke with DS again. He was looking at DH's phone without permission. He saw pictures/porn. He has begged me not to tell his father because he's not allowed to play with our phones without permission. I've told him over and over that he's not in trouble, no matter what.

But, he is afraid that his dad will be angry with him, he's afraid that the family will "blow apart" and it would be his fault, it's all just awful. He feels terrible. He said it was an app called kitkat (but he said it was not spelled with a ka? I'm not even sure what that means). He wants me to check DH's phone and see what's going on (should I tell him that's the same advice I got from DCUM? kidding....)

Added to that, I don't know exactly what my DH did. Was he looking at porn? I'm not going to divorce over that but I will still be extraordinarily pissed off that he allowed DS to see. Or is it more than that?

I don't know how to have DH reassure him somehow when he's begging me not to tell DH that he saw anything in the first place. Ugh.

You should thank you son for telling you. You should reassure him that you will not be telling his dad what he did or saw. You should also tell him that marriage is between two grown-ups, and now it is your job to figure out what to do with that information. Just like the information your son told you was private and will not be shared with dad, the conversation you have with dad will be private between dad and mom and not be shared with DS. Grown ups decide about the parameters of their relationships, and no matter what you and dad decide to do about staying married or not, you are both committed to being good parents to DS. Whether or not your family stays together, now or in the future, it will never be your DS's fault. Adults decide whether or not to stay married.

It's called KIK, it's a messaging app. This is used by men who cheat. You've been warned. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just spoke with DS again. He was looking at DH's phone without permission. He saw pictures/porn. He has begged me not to tell his father because he's not allowed to play with our phones without permission. I've told him over and over that he's not in trouble, no matter what.

But, he is afraid that his dad will be angry with him, he's afraid that the family will "blow apart" and it would be his fault, it's all just awful. He feels terrible. He said it was an app called kitkat (but he said it was not spelled with a ka? I'm not even sure what that means). He wants me to check DH's phone and see what's going on (should I tell him that's the same advice I got from DCUM? kidding....)

Added to that, I don't know exactly what my DH did. Was he looking at porn? I'm not going to divorce over that but I will still be extraordinarily pissed off that he allowed DS to see. Or is it more than that?

I don't know how to have DH reassure him somehow when he's begging me not to tell DH that he saw anything in the first place. Ugh.

You should thank you son for telling you. You should reassure him that you will not be telling his dad what he did or saw. You should also tell him that marriage is between two grown-ups, and now it is your job to figure out what to do with that information. Just like the information your son told you was private and will not be shared with dad, the conversation you have with dad will be private between dad and mom and not be shared with DS. Grown ups decide about the parameters of their relationships, and no matter what you and dad decide to do about staying married or not, you are both committed to being good parents to DS. Whether or not your family stays together, now or in the future, it will never be your DS's fault. Adults decide whether or not to stay married.

It's called KIK, it's a messaging app. This is used by men who cheat. You've been warned. Good luck.

Op already knows her husband is cheating. She doesn’t need to be “warned”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just spoke with DS again. He was looking at DH's phone without permission. He saw pictures/porn. He has begged me not to tell his father because he's not allowed to play with our phones without permission. I've told him over and over that he's not in trouble, no matter what.

But, he is afraid that his dad will be angry with him, he's afraid that the family will "blow apart" and it would be his fault, it's all just awful. He feels terrible. He said it was an app called kitkat (but he said it was not spelled with a ka? I'm not even sure what that means). He wants me to check DH's phone and see what's going on (should I tell him that's the same advice I got from DCUM? kidding....)

Added to that, I don't know exactly what my DH did. Was he looking at porn? I'm not going to divorce over that but I will still be extraordinarily pissed off that he allowed DS to see. Or is it more than that?

I don't know how to have DH reassure him somehow when he's begging me not to tell DH that he saw anything in the first place. Ugh.

You should thank you son for telling you. You should reassure him that you will not be telling his dad what he did or saw. You should also tell him that marriage is between two grown-ups, and now it is your job to figure out what to do with that information. Just like the information your son told you was private and will not be shared with dad, the conversation you have with dad will be private between dad and mom and not be shared with DS. Grown ups decide about the parameters of their relationships, and no matter what you and dad decide to do about staying married or not, you are both committed to being good parents to DS. Whether or not your family stays together, now or in the future, it will never be your DS's fault. Adults decide whether or not to stay married.

It's called KIK, it's a messaging app. This is used by men who cheat. You've been warned. Good luck.

^ and married women that cheat too.

[Anonymous]

If it is kik, he has an affair partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl

It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

OP? Can you please answer this question?

Cheating is not always about being ‘satisfied’ at home. People often cheat because they are insecure and have other issues. How do you think spouses get STDs from cheaters?

[Anonymous]

Did he get fat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

GO AWAY!!! You try to derail every thread with this bs- are you do dim that you do not understand that DCUM is not buying this? You are never able to support any credible support for this, there is vast anecdotal evidence on DCUM to the contrary and yiu are beyond tiresome. Find another hobby.

Google "percent of married men who have affairs" (answer: about 25%)
Google "percent of sexless marriages" (answer: about 20%)
The venn diagram of these 2 sets of men is effectively a circle

I don't think that's how it works. If it did I could put any two statistics together:

If 35% of all men eat quiche, and and 33% of all men will develop cancer in their life doesn't mean that all quiche-eating men will develop cancer, or that non-quiche-eating men won't develop cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is kik, he has an affair partner.

+1 This is how I found my ex cheated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is kik, he has an affair partner.

+1 This is how I found my ex cheated!

It also used by a lot of can girls and instahoes, kind of a precursor to onlyfans. Provide a way to monetize off platform after contact.

[Anonymous]

OP, ask your DS for the phone password.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl

It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

OP? Can you please answer this question?

Cheating is not always about being ‘satisfied’ at home. People often cheat because they are insecure and have other issues. How do you think spouses get STDs from cheaters?

Yep! 3-4 times per week with me (all variety of sex and horny/grab my @ss in the kitchen or jump me in the shower —high attraction)for 20-years and he managed to have an affair partner that he boned once or twice a month.

Guys with high sex drives can be getting lots of it at home and still find variety/different person enticing because it is an escape from reality/daily grind. Compartmentalizers.

OP- I don’t know why you would NOT snoop and get to the bottom of this. Is it because you are afraid you will find out he is cheating? What’s the alternative—risk STIs and your kid finding more nasty stuff or seeing naked photos of his lover?

Don’t bury your head in the sand...especially with your kid now harmed by it.

[Anonymous]

I’m an NSA hacker, female. Just post the phone number and mobile carrier, I’ll do the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1 This same thing happened with my son 8 years ago. He asked about a woman's name who appear on his dad's phone. Several years later he left us for her. We've since divorced.