10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?

[Anonymous]

DS said he saw some texts on DH's phone that said 'honey' and 'baby girl.' They were not to me. DH is not one of those guys who uses those terms of endearment for lots of people. This was in the middle of virtual school so I told DS not to worry about it; I'm sure everything is fine. But...what now? I don't really want to ask DS a lot of questions; don't want to worry him. I'm not interested in trying to spy on DH's phone. DH does not leave the house much at all since pandemic started, but an online/texting thing? I could envision that.

What should I do?

[Anonymous]

You should look at his phone.

[Anonymous]

You don't have access to his phone? I have the password to my husband's personal (not work) phone and vice versa. It would not be a big deal for either of us to look at the other's texts.

Don't bother your son further - go directly to your husband or his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1. I am sure your child agonized over telling you and may not have told you everything he saw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1. I am sure your child agonized over telling you and may not have told you everything he saw.

If your kid was brave enough to come to you with this info, you need to be brave enough to do you own investigation — look at his phone, look at credit card bills, computer history, etc.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others. You also need to more directly respond to your child's concerns after you've done so. If you've determined no issue then you need to talk to your spouse and work together to help ease his anxieties. "that must have made you feel really scared and confused, we're glad you came to mom when you had questions." etc etc Don't just leave him hanging like that with a kind of dismissive don't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1. I am sure your child agonized over telling you and may not have told you everything he saw.

If your kid was brave enough to come to you with this info, you need to be brave enough to do you own investigation — look at his phone, look at credit card bills, computer history, etc.

Or I dunno, be adult enough to talk to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1. I am sure your child agonized over telling you and may not have told you everything he saw.

If your kid was brave enough to come to you with this info, you need to be brave enough to do you own investigation — look at his phone, look at credit card bills, computer history, etc.

+3. You’re not interested in having to respond to him potentially cheating. Fine. But at least protect yourself for what may be lurking beneath. Or teach your son that he can mistreat women the way it seems his father may be mistreating his mother.

[Anonymous]

This can be deeply upsetting for kids. I definitely think he needs to be assured he did the right thing.

It also probably took a lot of courage for him to come to you. And if you just drop it entirely, that will also be deeply upsetting to him. So I think you have to dig deep on this while at thee same time easing your kid's anxieties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1. I am sure your child agonized over telling you and may not have told you everything he saw.

If your kid was brave enough to come to you with this info, you need to be brave enough to do you own investigation — look at his phone, look at credit card bills, computer history, etc.

Or I dunno, be adult enough to talk to him?

No. Get basic info/evidence first. If you don’t use it, fine, but don’t compromise the outcome from the gate by reducing your leverage (legally speaking).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1. I am sure your child agonized over telling you and may not have told you everything he saw.

If your kid was brave enough to come to you with this info, you need to be brave enough to do you own investigation — look at his phone, look at credit card bills, computer history, etc.

Or I dunno, be adult enough to talk to him?

No. If he is having an affair or texting inappropriately odds are he will lie and deny. OP needs to gather evidence, so a) she can know for herself and determine what she wants to do b) confront her husband and not give him the ability to gaslight her.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should look at his phone.

+1. I am sure your child agonized over telling you and may not have told you everything he saw.

If your kid was brave enough to come to you with this info, you need to be brave enough to do you own investigation — look at his phone, look at credit card bills, computer history, etc.

Or I dunno, be adult enough to talk to him?

No. If he is having an affair or texting inappropriately odds are he will lie and deny. OP needs to gather evidence, so a) she can know for herself and determine what she wants to do b) confront her husband and not give him the ability to gaslight her.

Haha! We posted the same thing at the same time. I’m your DCUM twin! 😘😊

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can be deeply upsetting for kids. I definitely think he needs to be assured he did the right thing.

It also probably took a lot of courage for him to come to you. And if you just drop it entirely, that will also be deeply upsetting to him. So I think you have to dig deep on this while at thee same time easing your kid's anxieties.

+1 whatever you do please don't leave this hanging for your son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can be deeply upsetting for kids. I definitely think he needs to be assured he did the right thing.

It also probably took a lot of courage for him to come to you. And if you just drop it entirely, that will also be deeply upsetting to him. So I think you have to dig deep on this while at thee same time easing your kid's anxieties.

+1 whatever you do please don't leave this hanging for your son

+2