10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Beastiality? Violence?

I’m the PP. It sounded as if excrement may be involved- hence the name. I’m not completely sure since I didn’t click, but it sort of made sense when I thought about the candy. I’m sorry. I know it’s gross- I’m not trying to get Jeff to pull this thread and he may if this gets too explicit. I just hope OP has a good, long, frank discussion with her child about this. What a shock- especially at 10. Poor little guy.
If my DH said anything like, “Well he knows he’s not allowed to get into my phone!”, I would rip him a new one. To be honest, I’d do it no matter what he said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Beastiality? Violence?

I’m the PP. It sounded as if excrement may be involved- hence the name. I’m not completely sure since I didn’t click, but it sort of made sense when I thought about the candy. I’m sorry. I know it’s gross- I’m not trying to get Jeff to pull this thread and he may if this gets too explicit. I just hope OP has a good, long, frank discussion with her child about this. What a shock- especially at 10. Poor little guy.
If my DH said anything like, “Well he knows he’s not allowed to get into my phone!”, I would rip him a new one. To be honest, I’d do it no matter what he said.

Thanks for sharing. I’m with you and thanks for not letting it nose dive the thread.

The fact that he has been exposed at 10yo to very inappropriate and potentially traumatic and deviant behaviors changes the entire approach.

1. Find out the truth with DH. Absolutely do some digging. Hire someone online if you need to. Don’t risk gaslighting or trickle truth.

2. I would try to read up on a few kindle titles that are self help foe helping kids heal from sexual abuse. I know that the child is not being abused. However, you can read about how to have age appropriate engagement, understand what may be normal and how to accommodate your son being on a healthy trajectory moving forward. By the way, if there is a book focused on talking to pre-teens about sexual abuse, it may offer suggestions on how to interact with a different party that may be defensive/abusive. You want dad in the conversation to support, not conflate issues, or attack, or lie.

3. After reading a few *credible* pieces, I would pull together what I learned about DH / secrecy in step 1; I would follow advice on how to engage my son with or without dad depending on this info; and hope foe the best but be prepared and equipped for the worst.

4. Maybe family counseling? Would depend on if the issue was cheating vs porn addiction vs deviant behavior.




3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl

Go away with that crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did also say thank you to DS. But it was quick, since he was in class. I do think I need to talk to him further after school and make sure he knows I appreciate him coming to me and he doesn't need to worry.

But with DH, ugh, I'm not the snooping type and don't want to go down that road. Would much rather just discuss it but of course most people would just lie in response. I don't think I have his current passwords anyway. I've had them in the past when I needed them but I don't know if it's still current or if I remember them accurately.

You seem like one of those women who prefer to be oblivious. Don't take it out on your child for telling you something that you didn't want to know. You need therapy to work through whatever is going on with you and why you don't want to find out the truth. Are you comfortable and fine with your husband cheating because you don't want to blow up your life? I'm guessing you son read messages that were more intimate and mature than he's letting on. And there could have been photos.

That’s rather harsh.

...not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did also say thank you to DS. But it was quick, since he was in class. I do think I need to talk to him further after school and make sure he knows I appreciate him coming to me and he doesn't need to worry.

But with DH, ugh, I'm not the snooping type and don't want to go down that road. Would much rather just discuss it but of course most people would just lie in response. I don't think I have his current passwords anyway. I've had them in the past when I needed them but I don't know if it's still current or if I remember them accurately.

So you already know and just don’t want to deal with it. Well you need to tell your husband to lock it up because now your son knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl

It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

OP? Can you please answer this question?

[Anonymous]

You say you don’t want to go down the road of snooping. That’s out the window, OP. Your kid has been hurt by this. You need to take the phone and search it, STAT.

[Anonymous]

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

GO AWAY!!! You try to derail every thread with this bs- are you do dim that you do not understand that DCUM is not buying this? You are never able to support any credible support for this, there is vast anecdotal evidence on DCUM to the contrary and yiu are beyond tiresome. Find another hobby.

[Anonymous]

^ provide any credible support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

GO AWAY!!! You try to derail every thread with this bs- are you do dim that you do not understand that DCUM is not buying this? You are never able to support any credible support for this, there is vast anecdotal evidence on DCUM to the contrary and yiu are beyond tiresome. Find another hobby.

Google "percent of married men who have affairs" (answer: about 25%)
Google "percent of sexless marriages" (answer: about 20%)
The venn diagram of these 2 sets of men is effectively a circle

[Anonymous]

Is this a new version of the script for The Undoing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.

GO AWAY!!! You try to derail every thread with this bs- are you do dim that you do not understand that DCUM is not buying this? You are never able to support any credible support for this, there is vast anecdotal evidence on DCUM to the contrary and yiu are beyond tiresome. Find another hobby.

Google "percent of married men who have affairs" (answer: about 25%)
Google "percent of sexless marriages" (answer: about 20%)
The venn diagram of these 2 sets of men is effectively a circle

2 things:

1st - this a load of BS.
2nd - show us FACTS. LINKS. ACTUAL DIAGRAMS.

[Anonymous]

^+1000
Yiu are stating two data points (without cites) and assuming a fact based on them. That’s not evidence, idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did a little investigating and Cit Cat looks like a Malaysian translation app! Sounds like he is talking to girls in foreign countries.

Trolls stepping their game up for 2021!!

This was a "good" troll thread, at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did a little investigating and Cit Cat looks like a Malaysian translation app! Sounds like he is talking to girls in foreign countries.

Trolls stepping their game up for 2021!!

This was a "good" troll thread, at least.

Yeah but I hope OP gets her stuff figured out