My spouse says I never agree or always present a counter point

[Anonymous]

OP, you should take the Myers-Briggs test, ASAP.

You sound like a classic INTJ - https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality

"Architects aren’t known for being warm and fuzzy. They tend to prioritize rationality and success over politeness and pleasantries – in other words, they’d rather be right than popular....Because Architects value truth and depth, many common social practices – from small talk to white lies – may seem pointless or downright stupid to them. As a result, they may inadvertently come across as rude or even offensive when they’re only trying to be honest. At times, Architects may wonder if dealing with other people is even worth the frustration."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should take the Myers-Briggs test, ASAP.

You sound like a classic INTJ - https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality

"Architects aren’t known for being warm and fuzzy. They tend to prioritize rationality and success over politeness and pleasantries – in other words, they’d rather be right than popular....Because Architects value truth and depth, many common social practices – from small talk to white lies – may seem pointless or downright stupid to them. As a result, they may inadvertently come across as rude or even offensive when they’re only trying to be honest. At times, Architects may wonder if dealing with other people is even worth the frustration."

I don't think there's a fair reading of this thread that can conclude OP's rudeness is inadvertent. He's resorted to misogynist insults multiple times and keeps trying (and failing) to dunk on posters. Just because he's bad at it doesn't mean it's inadvertent. He's not unaware of his rudeness, but he's convinced himself that logic = agreeing with him and disagreeing with him = illogic/hysteria. At least when a woman does it.

[Anonymous]

OP...wow, way too much to read. Just relax dude. Don’t pick so many fights. Love you wife, flaws and all. We all have them. When you feel like you are about to say something stupid, stop right there and think about why you fell in love in the first place and move on. Be the first to say sorry even if you don’t think it’s your fault. Trust me, it’s way better that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should take the Myers-Briggs test, ASAP.

You sound like a classic INTJ - https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality

"Architects aren’t known for being warm and fuzzy. They tend to prioritize rationality and success over politeness and pleasantries – in other words, they’d rather be right than popular....Because Architects value truth and depth, many common social practices – from small talk to white lies – may seem pointless or downright stupid to them. As a result, they may inadvertently come across as rude or even offensive when they’re only trying to be honest. At times, Architects may wonder if dealing with other people is even worth the frustration."

Yeah, no. My husband is an INTJ (and an actual architect) and he is very analytical and does often come of, unintentionally, as aloof or cold. But he is very loving (not effusive about it, but I've known him long enough to know what is effusive for him) and does not pick random fights with me over stuff that only I care about just to be right. If I told him I loved my new expensive face cream, he'd just smile and say he was happy for me and then go back to his crossword puzzle, because he doesn't care about my face cream at all but he is smart enough to know that's really not the point.

[Anonymous]

I had a very difficult time reading & comprehending your post.

A lot of autocorrect (?) mistakes....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should take the Myers-Briggs test, ASAP.

You sound like a classic INTJ - https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality

"Architects aren’t known for being warm and fuzzy. They tend to prioritize rationality and success over politeness and pleasantries – in other words, they’d rather be right than popular....Because Architects value truth and depth, many common social practices – from small talk to white lies – may seem pointless or downright stupid to them. As a result, they may inadvertently come across as rude or even offensive when they’re only trying to be honest. At times, Architects may wonder if dealing with other people is even worth the frustration."

Yeah, no. My husband is an INTJ (and an actual architect) and he is very analytical and does often come of, unintentionally, as aloof or cold. But he is very loving (not effusive about it, but I've known him long enough to know what is effusive for him) and does not pick random fights with me over stuff that only I care about just to be right. If I told him I loved my new expensive face cream, he'd just smile and say he was happy for me and then go back to his crossword puzzle, because he doesn't care about my face cream at all but he is smart enough to know that's really not the point.

Hey, I know and love several INTJs, and I know and strongly dislike several INTJs. You can be a healthy, self aware INTJ (sounds like your husband) or you can be a self-absorbed, psychologically unhealthy INTJ ( sounds like OP).

[Anonymous]

My wife says some of the stupidest things, and often I don't say anything because we'll end up in an argument. My wife isn't the smartest person and will try too hard to sound smart. But, many things she "assumes" are correct are not. It's frustrating and I just deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I just reread that and it was incredibly poorly written. Again, I was voice dictating that. The main argument is that my wife accuses me of never taking her side or overly disagreeing when she presents a point. My contention is that I don’t wanna walk on eggshells and if I don’t fuel at the point she’s making is valid I should be able to make a counterpoint or the opposite argument and hopefully we can remain friends. Anyway, she threaten divorce today when I said maybe it was because she got a lot of sleep last night rather than this face cream being the reason her skin looked so glowing today. My personal belief is that water, sleep, low stress is more effective than a face cream, but what do I know? I mean people are obsessed with Korean beauty products apparently. I am just skeptical than any of these face creams actually do all that much. I believe Botox would definitely work, but there are so many companies hocking so many products which is probably have little to no effect. Again, I am a man and I don’t use beauty products so I have no idea.

why are you so insecure that you need to be "right"? this is what is screams from your post(s). you need to find a way to provide some form of empathy/support/cheerleading for your wife - doesn't f***ing matter what the issue is, but just shut your damn mouth from time to time.

- a 49 y.o man, happily married, father of 3

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems to me that you two just plain have different communication styles. I suspect you have a hard time reading your wife. When she brings things up it may often be her just trying to connect with you but instead you are focused on the subject at hand — a complete communication miss Often, it’s not even about the subject at hand, it’s about the connection. If you are a factual, analytical person you may have some blindness to seeing another person’s perspective/motive. You and your wife are simply puzzle pieces from two different puzzles. Your communication just doesn’t have a natural flow. Learn to let the little stuff go.

For example, with the cream:
“Yeah, honey, I think you look great.” You don’t need to bring up that you disagree about the cream.

A word of advice:
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”

--- Leo Tolstoy, author of War and Peace and Anna Karenina

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Wife of OP, who I dearly hope finds this thread:

Girl, I hope you get all the face cream money you can out of this douchenozzle in the divorce settlement. Also, and importantly: Which cream? Where did you get it? Do you want to meet up for a Sephora session and some cocktails sometime?

La Mer
Nordstrom
Yes
Yes