My spouse says I never agree or always present a counter point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add clarity, I told my wife she looks great, but that it was probably sleep and water that are the more important factors than an over the counter cream. Obviously, I can see the error of my ways now. I should not have dared to assert such “mansplaining” idiocy. I throw myself at the mercy of you happily married anonymous posters. The “get a divorce, girl!!!!l” posters definitely come across as stable and completely non-catty. Great advice across the board. Also, to you folks who don’t want a microwave because they magically inject cancer into your food or somehow detrimentally change its molecular structure more power to you. Lol.

So, this is directed at exactly no one?

You're really starting to seem sad OP. Between the "I've dated a lot of women, believe you me!" and this ineffective attempt at a parting shot, it's just all so . . . pitiable.

It was directed at people who either enable pseudo science as fact or they themselves buy into it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add clarity, I told my wife she looks great, but that it was probably sleep and water that are the more important factors than an over the counter cream. Obviously, I can see the error of my ways now. I should not have dared to assert such “mansplaining” idiocy. I throw myself at the mercy of you happily married anonymous posters. The “get a divorce, girl!!!!l” posters definitely come across as stable and completely non-catty. Great advice across the board. Also, to you folks who don’t want a microwave because they magically inject cancer into your food or somehow detrimentally change its molecular structure more power to you. Lol.

So, this is directed at exactly no one?

You're really starting to seem sad OP. Between the "I've dated a lot of women, believe you me!" and this ineffective attempt at a parting shot, it's just all so . . . pitiable.

It was directed at people who either enable pseudo science as fact or they themselves buy into it. Good luck.

Pseudoscience is one word smart guy.

[Anonymous]

I was married to a contrarian and it sucks if you don’t have the personality for someone always stating the “facts” without much empathy or emotional intelligence. There are a ton of facts that could be spouted and argued all day but we aren’t building a record for judgment. We are sharing opinions and hopefully love. It is a personality thing. I’ve heard a lot of lawyers are this way, or scientists and doctors for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add clarity, I told my wife she looks great, but that it was probably sleep and water that are the more important factors than an over the counter cream. Obviously, I can see the error of my ways now. I should not have dared to assert such “mansplaining” idiocy. I throw myself at the mercy of you happily married anonymous posters. The “get a divorce, girl!!!!l” posters definitely come across as stable and completely non-catty. Great advice across the board. Also, to you folks who don’t want a microwave because they magically inject cancer into your food or somehow detrimentally change its molecular structure more power to you. Lol.

So, this is directed at exactly no one?

You're really starting to seem sad OP. Between the "I've dated a lot of women, believe you me!" and this ineffective attempt at a parting shot, it's just all so . . . pitiable.

It was directed at people who either enable pseudo science as fact or they themselves buy into it. Good luck.

Pseudoscience is one word smart guy.

+2. To my point above, people have a right to whatever belief or idea that want to have. It is called free will. If they feel strongly enough about it they will prove it so that people like OP accept it. But everyone doesn’t have the desire to put every concept through the narrow rigamaeole validation of a scientific provides. This is where emotional intelligence comes into play. The sun was the sun until we learned it was a star; all science has not been revealed as all truth hasn’t been proven. It is annoying and exhausting to operate with a person that is so rudimentary and inflexible in their thinking. Also it comes off as judgmental when the final point is, “it hasn’t been proven”. WHO CARES?! The cream took away my wrinkles. Period.

[Anonymous]

*rigamarole

[Anonymous]

DH used to do this to me, a lot. It was incredibly annoying (and he was not always right! He's much less argumetnative now that I can google something . Anyway, OP, there's a way in which you can validate your wife's opinions, thoughts and feelings without agreeing with her on everything.

"My skin looks great, It must be the cream!"

"well, your skin does look great, but I thought it looked great before. I am happy you are pleased with the cream." (that is, unless the 200$ is th epoint of contention)

the whole thing about i'm logical, right, studied science, etc, can be very annoying--my final piece of advice is to explore what's driving your need to disagree? what would happen if you nodded or said interesting or even said "hm, I see it differently' (which is different than YOU"RE WRONG).

the other day i visited someone who told me something that was not correct (its in my field of speciality) but i just let it go. I didn't think there was any point to disagreeing--there was no harm in their belief, it didn't matter one way or another so the only impulse for me to contradict them would be my own desire to 'be right.' If there was a real need to clarify, then I would have said something like "Well, that's a commonly held bellef but in fact.." (also, women have to be careful about how they contradict men, so we learn to do it more subtly early on).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with the face cream. I can see how that came across after rereading my post . However, she can buy all the beauty products in the world, but good science tells us that sleep, lots of water, low stress, actual Botox, or dermoabrasion, or staying out of the sun and eating a good diet will work better than some OTC cream in a bottle that claims things that probably amount to a placebo effect on the user. She could spend $500 on a cream, and that’s fine, I just feel I should be able to say hey “you know there’s a ton of false marketing, which is documented by verifiable sources, on the thousands of beauty products out there, and that’s what doctors and experts actually say about this, so your skin looks great hun, but that’s my opinion.”

Anyway, I can definitely see how it’s patronizing and annoying of me to say that, but I guess at the end of the day I should just hold off and let her have her opinion and not say anything. I am getting way too detailed about this. The point being is that she thinks I disagree with her all the time. Perhaps that’s a product of years of marriage. You’re with somebody so often that you know every facet of them and you either grow together or you grow apart. I guess the real issue is converging personalities and give-and-take required for a successful marriage..

I do think that I have hit my limit in the last few years in entertaining or humoring conspiracy theories, anti-intellectualism, and anti-science views. Whether it’s 71 million people believing that Trump had his election stolen from him or that he is a good president, or that microwaves cause cancer or suck all the nutrients out of food or change the chemical composition of water, or that a skin cream actually does all that it claims. Basically, I can take a joke and generally have thick skin, maybe that’s more of a male trait, and I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound misogynistic, end it is my wife’s time of the month, which again I don’t mean to sound misogynistic or patronizing, but she does get annoyed and we you get in more fights around this time, but I want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.

She was excited about her face cream, clearly it meant a lot to her and you crapped on it. You enjoy feeling intellectually and morally superior and never hesitate to let everyone around you know that you are smarter, more sensible, and better informed. In other words, you are a painful, know-it-all, insecure jackass. Acting like a decent human being with a modicum of self-awareness is not "walking on eggshells."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH used to do this to me, a lot. It was incredibly annoying (and he was not always right! He's much less argumetnative now that I can google something . Anyway, OP, there's a way in which you can validate your wife's opinions, thoughts and feelings without agreeing with her on everything.

"My skin looks great, It must be the cream!"

"well, your skin does look great, but I thought it looked great before. I am happy you are pleased with the cream." (that is, unless the 200$ is th epoint of contention)

the whole thing about i'm logical, right, studied science, etc, can be very annoying--my final piece of advice is to explore what's driving your need to disagree? what would happen if you nodded or said interesting or even said "hm, I see it differently' (which is different than YOU"RE WRONG).

the other day i visited someone who told me something that was not correct (its in my field of speciality) but i just let it go. I didn't think there was any point to disagreeing--there was no harm in their belief, it didn't matter one way or another so the only impulse for me to contradict them would be my own desire to 'be right.' If there was a real need to clarify, then I would have said something like "Well, that's a commonly held bellef but in fact.." (also, women have to be careful about how they contradict men, so we learn to do it more subtly early on).

+ 💯 and good advice

[Anonymous]

People like OP are so exhausting in the real world that folks generally avoid them once they realize "this is the guy who thinks he's an expert on face cream". We've all met that guy.

Unfortunately OP's wife doesn't have the luxury to dodge this daily crap or likely the energy to constantly push back. Never fear, OP's wife, DCUM can handle this *all day*.

(some of these responses have made me laugh out loud in my kitchen. "Pseudoscience is one word, smart guy...")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like OP are so exhausting in the real world that folks generally avoid them once they realize "this is the guy who thinks he's an expert on face cream". We've all met that guy.

Unfortunately OP's wife doesn't have the luxury to dodge this daily crap or likely the energy to constantly push back. Never fear, OP's wife, DCUM can handle this *all day*.

(some of these responses have made me laugh out loud in my kitchen. "Pseudoscience is one word, smart guy...")

PP. the funny thing is the exact dynamic you’re talking about makes them stand resolute in the confidence of their approach. I cannot tell you how many times my ex’s final retort would be, “no one else disagrees but you; other people don’t need this explained”, etc. Well, yeah, ding dong. They don’t have to live with you 24/7 and raise your spawn. Of course it’s easier to just shut up, they don’t have a lifetime contract to protect and nurture. Is it so hard to respect the difference in how I view the world, the principles that guide me, and actually support them? You think you can argue a point that requires me to respond with affection? Over time it can really corrode a seemingly perfect dynamic if both people aren’t aware of th dynamic. Supporting someone’s opinion does not mean it invalidates your opinion or belief. That is why I am a Christian that supports the rights of “sinners” to equal protections under secular law.

[Anonymous]

PP. the funny thing is the exact dynamic you’re talking about makes them stand resolute in the confidence of their approach. I cannot tell you how many times my ex’s final retort would be, “no one else disagrees but you; other people don’t need this explained”, etc. Well, yeah, ding dong. They don’t have to live with you 24/7 and raise your spawn. Of course it’s easier to just shut up, they don’t have a lifetime contract to protect and nurture. Is it so hard to respect the difference in how I view the world, the principles that guide me, and actually support them? You think you can argue a point that requires me to respond with affection? Over time it can really corrode a seemingly perfect dynamic if both people aren’t aware of th dynamic. Supporting someone’s opinion does not mean it invalidates your opinion or belief. That is why I am a Christian that supports the rights of “sinners” to equal protections under secular law.

Well yes, if your underlying goal is to lead with love for your spouse. Unfortunately I don't think that's OP's primary motivation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic fun sponge. You take joy in sucking up all of the happiness and excitement in a room because you want people to know how smart you are. I have a son with autism and he goes to social skills camps so he doesn't grow up to be like you.

What does autism have to do with it? You called op “smart.”

I read that as sarcasm -- OP thinks he is really smart, and wants to display that supposed superiority at every possible opportunity. People like him are exhausting to be around and demoralizing to live with. Sometimes you share your disagreement, because it's important, and sometimes you keep it to yourself, because it's tangential (the microwave story -- even if SIL is nuts, it's not cool to buy appliances for kids that their parents don't want them to have) or unimportant. Because constant disagreement and criticism just ships away at affection and respect.

DP but also, plenty of people with autism are very smart, and it's rubbing me the wrong way that PPP seems to be using them as antonyms. Like fun sponge poster said, it's the social skills that usually need improvement.

I don’t care if it rubs you the wrong way. Some people with autism may be smart about something but not in general (hence the old term idiot savant) but it was a strange comparison to make. Autism and “smart” typically ARE antonyms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic fun sponge. You take joy in sucking up all of the happiness and excitement in a room because you want people to know how smart you are. I have a son with autism and he goes to social skills camps so he doesn't grow up to be like you.

What does autism have to do with it? You called op “smart.”

I read that as sarcasm -- OP thinks he is really smart, and wants to display that supposed superiority at every possible opportunity. People like him are exhausting to be around and demoralizing to live with. Sometimes you share your disagreement, because it's important, and sometimes you keep it to yourself, because it's tangential (the microwave story -- even if SIL is nuts, it's not cool to buy appliances for kids that their parents don't want them to have) or unimportant. Because constant disagreement and criticism just ships away at affection and respect.

DP but also, plenty of people with autism are very smart, and it's rubbing me the wrong way that PPP seems to be using them as antonyms. Like fun sponge poster said, it's the social skills that usually need improvement.

I don’t care if it rubs you the wrong way. Some people with autism may be smart about something but not in general (hence the old term idiot savant) but it was a strange comparison to make. Autism and “smart” typically ARE antonyms.

No. It was a very apt comparison given OP's (self-reported) IQ vs his self-evident low EQ. And what you've written here shows a fundamental lack of understanding of autism, if you think it's a synonym for idiot savant. Kindly do not opine on that which you do not understand.

[Anonymous]

After reading OP’s hot mess of a post, I really doubt he’s as intelligent as he thinks he is.

Isn’t there a saying about that? That the unintelligent people are the ones who think they know everything, while the truly intelligent ones keep their mouth shut because they realize they know very little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading OP’s hot mess of a post, I really doubt he’s as intelligent as he thinks he is.

Isn’t there a saying about that? That the unintelligent people are the ones who think they know everything, while the truly intelligent ones keep their mouth shut because they realize they know very little.

Dunning-Kruger effect, absolutely.