My spouse says I never agree or always present a counter point

[Anonymous]

OP your wife sounds like a woman who would sell Doterra. And that is kind of annoying. I would have trouble entertaining all of that junk medicine stuff as I personally think its quite damaging actually because it can make people ignore real medical problems.

But you also seem like an incredibly critical and nagging person. The microwave story, if I'm reading correctly is that SIL doesn't like microwaves but kid wanted it so some other third party friend purchased them a microwave (and like, WTF, microwaves are expensive!). Your wife thought this was messed up. This was messed up BTW, regardless of the reasons, buying someone's kid something the parent doesn't want them to have is messed up. I would have said, 'god yeah that was really disrespectful that Tasha bought Larla and Larlita a microwave when Larla didn't want one'. You don't have to get into the kooky microwave stuff to just be a normal person there.

If you are contrarian about EVERYTHING, which it sounds like you are, she won't take you seriously on the things you actually should challenge her on like voter fraud or if she gets cancer and wants to treat it by eating acai bowls. Do you want to be fighting all the time? I assume no, so stop fighting about stupid stuff.

I would start by intentionally deciding to actively agree with her about something at least once a day, more if the opportunity presents. Not things you disagree with, don't lie, but look for your common ground instead of things you think are stupid and focus on those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do think that I have hit my limit in the last few years in entertaining or humoring conspiracy theories, anti-intellectualism, and anti-science views. Whether it’s 71 million people believing that Trump had his election stolen from him or that he is a good president, or that microwaves cause cancer or suck all the nutrients out of food or change the chemical composition of water, or that a skin cream actually does all that it claims. Basically, I can take a joke and generally have thick skin, maybe that’s more of a male trait, and I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound misogynistic, end it is my wife’s time of the month, which again I don’t mean to sound misogynistic or patronizing, but she does get annoyed and we you get in more fights around this time, but I want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.

Translation, you want permission to be a jerk and not suffer consequences for it.

How is disagreeing or presenting relevant, science based evidence, being a jerk? Why indulge untruths, or present a counter claim, and have to live in fear of a harsh response? Microwaves are more the enemy. Botox works, most skin creams probably don’t (except for some with very specific ingredients)...

I don’t always disagree. We agree on many things, but I would want to be with someone who would be honest rather than a yes man.

I'll just quote you back to yourself:

she accuses me of always taking a contrarian stance to what she says. Secretly, I probably do

Stop being a jerk. Constantly disagreeing with someone or challenging everything they say for no reason other than to entertain yourself or feel intellectually superior is being a jerk. You are constantly belittling your wife and assuming she is unintelligent, illogical, and unreasonable because she doesn't hold the same OPINIONS that you do. She doesn't think microwaves damage food, she thinks it's rude to purchase a microwave for a child if the parent doesn't want a microwave. But you had to jump in with your unnecessary explanations about why the parent's opinion shouldn't exist. You move the topic to something you can disagree with, rather than ever agreeing with your wife. You are a jerk, and in this thread you've also become a liar. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those threads that will live on into eternity because OP will respond to every last response with something that makes 100 women roll their eyes.

[Anonymous]

OP is Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory. What a nightmare to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The general Takeaway I’m getting from this thread, is that I should simply bite my tongue, let things be and have a Coke and a smile and STFU. Lol. Thanks, all.

About face creams? Yup, absolutely.

Save your deep thoughts to disagree with her when discussing world peace. If you play the contrarian about both world peace and face creams, her brain goes into "there he goes again" mode no matter what you say.

If you save your explaining for when your discussion will be enhanced by what you're saying, she will see it as a valuable contribution and not an aggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your wife sounds like a woman who would sell Doterra. And that is kind of annoying. I would have trouble entertaining all of that junk medicine stuff as I personally think its quite damaging actually because it can make people ignore real medical problems.

But you also seem like an incredibly critical and nagging person. The microwave story, if I'm reading correctly is that SIL doesn't like microwaves but kid wanted it so some other third party friend purchased them a microwave (and like, WTF, microwaves are expensive!). Your wife thought this was messed up. This was messed up BTW, regardless of the reasons, buying someone's kid something the parent doesn't want them to have is messed up. I would have said, 'god yeah that was really disrespectful that Tasha bought Larla and Larlita a microwave when Larla didn't want one'. You don't have to get into the kooky microwave stuff to just be a normal person there.

If you are contrarian about EVERYTHING, which it sounds like you are, she won't take you seriously on the things you actually should challenge her on like voter fraud or if she gets cancer and wants to treat it by eating acai bowls. Do you want to be fighting all the time? I assume no, so stop fighting about stupid stuff.

I would start by intentionally deciding to actively agree with her about something at least once a day, more if the opportunity presents. Not things you disagree with, don't lie, but look for your common ground instead of things you think are stupid and focus on those.

Nah, that's his SIL. Notice no one is taking issue with him refusing the supplements for his kids - because that's objectively bad and potentially dangerous. His wife sounds like someone who can't even say "I think this face cream was worth it, my skin feels softer!" without getting a lecture.

[Anonymous]

Can I have the name of the cream?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those threads that will live on into eternity because OP will respond to every last response with something that makes 100 women roll their eyes.

The fact that this guy even knows about dermabrasion and cares to "educate" his wife about it makes me feel the entire point of this thread is to get us all rolling our eyes and nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those threads that will live on into eternity because OP will respond to every last response with something that makes 100 women roll their eyes.

The fact that this guy even knows about dermabrasion and cares to "educate" his wife about it makes me feel the entire point of this thread is to get us all rolling our eyes and nothing more.

He probably researches anything she shows interest in so he can argue about how she doesn't really understand it.

[Anonymous]

You are an epic fun sponge. You take joy in sucking up all of the happiness and excitement in a room because you want people to know how smart you are. I have a son with autism and he goes to social skills camps so he doesn't grow up to be like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with the face cream. I can see how that came across after rereading my post . However, she can buy all the beauty products in the world, but good science tells us that sleep, lots of water, low stress, actual Botox, or dermoabrasion, or staying out of the sun and eating a good diet will work better than some OTC cream in a bottle that claims things that probably amount to a placebo effect on the user. She could spend $500 on a cream, and that’s fine, I just feel I should be able to say hey “you know there’s a ton of false marketing, which is documented by verifiable sources, on the thousands of beauty products out there, and that’s what doctors and experts actually say about this, so your skin looks great hun, but that’s my opinion.”

Anyway, I can definitely see how it’s patronizing and annoying of me to say that, but I guess at the end of the day I should just hold off and let her have her opinion and not say anything. I am getting way too detailed about this. The point being is that she thinks I disagree with her all the time. Perhaps that’s a product of years of marriage. You’re with somebody so often that you know every facet of them and you either grow together or you grow apart. I guess the real issue is converging personalities and give-and-take required for a successful marriage..

I do think that I have hit my limit in the last few years in entertaining or humoring conspiracy theories, anti-intellectualism, and anti-science views. Whether it’s 71 million people believing that Trump had his election stolen from him or that he is a good president, or that microwaves cause cancer or suck all the nutrients out of food or change the chemical composition of water, or that a skin cream actually does all that it claims. Basically, I can take a joke and generally have thick skin, maybe that’s more of a male trait, and I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound misogynistic, end it is my wife’s time of the month, which again I don’t mean to sound misogynistic or patronizing, but she does get annoyed and we you get in more fights around this time, but I want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.

You actually don't sound like someone who can handle anyone disagreeing with your point of view. Your post reeks of arrogance. You should take it down a notch, live your life, and stop policing people's opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, you are a problem. You need to know there are facts and opinions. Your opinion is not right, it's just an opinion.

Opinion: Creams don't help skin... fact they do.
Opinion: $200 creams are the best... fact not really true but who GAF

Hey look my amazing $200 skin cream makes me look younger, doesn't it?
Yes, you look amazing, but you looked amazing before so I can't tell.
But my cream does make my skin look silky, right?
Yes.

My sister thinks microwaves take nutrients out of food.
Interesting
Don't you agree
Sure, cooking takes nutrition out of food so i guess microwaves do too
But microwaves are worse
Okay, sure

You don't always have to be right.

I think there was fraud in the election
Almost every person thinks that is untrue
It possible right
Not really (fact not opinion)
Why can't you agree with me
Because this is not something that has an opinion, the fact is the election did not have fraud.

My sister doesn't think her daughter should have a microwave
Then she should not give her a microwave
Her friend gave her one
If her rule is no microwave then she should not let her have one
Don't you agree, no microwaves
I like microwaves, but that is just my preference, it' neither right or wrong.

Dude, follow this script & it will improve your relationship, and maybe even teach you some balance and empathy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are not hearing her, instead of while she talks you are already thinking of a counterpoint. Nitpicking.
I would be annoyed too. How hard is it to nod and say your skin looks great?
You do sound patronizing. I'd smash a microwave on your head. Ms or Mr Know it ALL!

[Anonymous]

So you admit to being a pain in the ass contrarian? "Secretly I do!"
Are you the lesbian pp always nitpicking on everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic fun sponge. You take joy in sucking up all of the happiness and excitement in a room because you want people to know how smart you are. I have a son with autism and he goes to social skills camps so he doesn't grow up to be like you.

What does autism have to do with it? You called op “smart.”