My spouse says I never agree or always present a counter point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those threads that will live on into eternity because OP will respond to every last response with something that makes 100 women roll their eyes.

The fact that this guy even knows about dermabrasion and cares to "educate" his wife about it makes me feel the entire point of this thread is to get us all rolling our eyes and nothing more.

I suspect this is our resident lesbian spouse that rants on and on about her wife.

[Anonymous]

My dude. You have a choice to make in your marriage. Would you rather be right (and have your wife see you as a jerk) or would you rather be happy (and have to deal with some irrational behavior)?

Written by a man who has been married almost 2 decades and wanted to be more right than happy early on in his marriage and is still paying the price for it. I choose happiness today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The general Takeaway I’m getting from this thread, is that I should simply bite my tongue, let things be and have a Coke and a smile and STFU. Lol. Thanks, all.

About face creams? Yup, absolutely.

Save your deep thoughts to disagree with her when discussing world peace. If you play the contrarian about both world peace and face creams, her brain goes into "there he goes again" mode no matter what you say.

If you save your explaining for when your discussion will be enhanced by what you're saying, she will see it as a valuable contribution and not an aggression.

Yes, this! And somebody posted upstream that you should actively agree at least once a day. It is so demoralizing to be contradicted all the time. About shit that doesn't matter. Just once in a while try agreeing with your wife. Here's some phrases: Yes, I like the color yellow for those mugs! Yes, I liked that TV show because I love baby sharks! Yes, we can go on a vacation, where and when do you propose? Yes, sometimes I wish I could just drop all my responsibilities and run away, too: North Carolina sounds nice right now. Yes, I DO think Rhoda is a little Weird, but I think her heart is in the right place. Yes, revamping the kitchen sounds exciting! Yes, I think that milk smells bad.

See how easy that is? (the alternatives, and probably what you do: No, I don't like yellow. The TV show was OK but I hated the ending they should have done BLAH BLAH BLAH. We can't go on vacation right now, COVID! No, I'm an adult. Rhoda is fine. We can't add a window in the kitchen, that's stupid, and here's 1000 reasons why. The milk smells fine to me.)

[Anonymous]

You seem to be an asshole. If she says her face cream is working, look at her and say "You look beautiful!" You're overthinking everything.

Who gives a shit about a microwave? You didn't pay for it and it's not in your house. So you have no vested interest in this. Drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic fun sponge. You take joy in sucking up all of the happiness and excitement in a room because you want people to know how smart you are. I have a son with autism and he goes to social skills camps so he doesn't grow up to be like you.

What does autism have to do with it? You called op “smart.”

I read that as sarcasm -- OP thinks he is really smart, and wants to display that supposed superiority at every possible opportunity. People like him are exhausting to be around and demoralizing to live with. Sometimes you share your disagreement, because it's important, and sometimes you keep it to yourself, because it's tangential (the microwave story -- even if SIL is nuts, it's not cool to buy appliances for kids that their parents don't want them to have) or unimportant. Because constant disagreement and criticism just ships away at affection and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic fun sponge. You take joy in sucking up all of the happiness and excitement in a room because you want people to know how smart you are. I have a son with autism and he goes to social skills camps so he doesn't grow up to be like you.

What does autism have to do with it? You called op “smart.”

I read that as sarcasm -- OP thinks he is really smart, and wants to display that supposed superiority at every possible opportunity. People like him are exhausting to be around and demoralizing to live with. Sometimes you share your disagreement, because it's important, and sometimes you keep it to yourself, because it's tangential (the microwave story -- even if SIL is nuts, it's not cool to buy appliances for kids that their parents don't want them to have) or unimportant. Because constant disagreement and criticism just ships away at affection and respect.

DP but also, plenty of people with autism are very smart, and it's rubbing me the wrong way that PPP seems to be using them as antonyms. Like fun sponge poster said, it's the social skills that usually need improvement.

[Anonymous]

AnonymousI want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.[/quote wrote:

If you want to be in a relationship with someone, unfortunately you do need to think about whether what you're saying will offend somebody.

There are lots of variations on this theme, but it may help you to ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

[Anonymous]

I want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.

And she wants to be able to speak her mind without constantly being nitpicked, challenged, or debated.

[Anonymous]

Learn to accept that you can and will be wrong on somethings at sometime on somedays.

Example - face cream

a month from now, your wife's skin is truly glowing and much softer. So if you say today that no I know it's not going to work then you are not accepting that you could be wrong.

Being realistic and logical, it is entirely possible that the ingredients in said face cream could produce such results. You can't in fact really know if it will or will not. Accept that you don't know. This don't mean you are not smart and that doesn't mean any one is questioning your intelligence. It just means you are smart enough to know that you can be wrong.

[Anonymous]

There's an expression, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Bottom line -

face cream, who cares, reflexively say, looks great! You're beautiful!

Dumb conspiracy theory - hmm, ok. Just be neutral

Stupid or dangerous conspiracy - then correct.

Just make sure you're doing a balance of these. Sounds like you want to be right every time. Who cares if you're right about face cream. let some things go and that gives you credit to fight the larger stuff.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a jerk, op. Are you sure you aren’t antiperson?

You can be anti anything, though that’s often just a code word for “I’ll beat you up emotionally until you don’t want anything to do with me anymore”.

I can’t understand why you didn’t kiss your wife and tell her she’s beautiful, no man ever went wrong by saying that with some sincere affection in the words or actions.

As for your sister and the microwave, I grew up without a coffeemaker, my parents don’t drink coffee. When my sister and I were teens, we wanted an espresso maker in the worst way. If mom and dad weren’t going to drink coffee, then we’d take it up a notch and not just drink coffee, but we’d drink esspresso. This was back in the 1990’s when Starbucks was just coming on the scene. We did it to express ourselves as being different from our parents.

If your sister truly doesn’t want the microwave in her house, she can get rid of it. Very likely, she’s fine with her kid using it.
This is little more then a kid harmlessly expressing themselves, though if you want to be concerned, I’d want to know more about the “friend” that bought themicrowave. At least my parents bought my sister and I the espresso maker.

[Anonymous]

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=how+not+listening+leads+to+arguments&docid=608044185557009775&mid=1741AEF01D31ECF7B0911741AEF01D31ECF7B091&view=detail&FORM=VIRE
Listening is the highest form of respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those threads that will live on into eternity because OP will respond to every last response with something that makes 100 women roll their eyes.

The fact that this guy even knows about dermabrasion and cares to "educate" his wife about it makes me feel the entire point of this thread is to get us all rolling our eyes and nothing more.

I suspect this is our resident lesbian spouse that rants on and on about her wife.

I doubt it, given the weirdly immature references to DW's period.

[Anonymous]

You can tell from OP's long, rambling responses to everything that he doesn't know when to shut up. People like that are insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dude. You have a choice to make in your marriage. Would you rather be right (and have your wife see you as a jerk) or would you rather be happy (and have to deal with some irrational behavior)?

Written by a man who has been married almost 2 decades and wanted to be more right than happy early on in his marriage and is still paying the price for it. I choose happiness today.

I like this response best. Thanks for sharing. It’s good advice and seems reasonable. I know in the age of outrage it’s crazy to say this, but I’ve come to see women (and I dated many before marriage) as generally much more emotionally inconsistent and volatile with regard to personality. Men are just more even tempered on the whole.

Thanks to all who said I was a lesbian. That’s a nice dream, but no, I am a guy. Lotta hate on this thread, but you all do you.