My spouse says I never agree or always present a counter point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You admit that you "probably do" take a contrarian stance all the time. This gets old really fast. My husband often does this, and sometimes it's so nitpicky or tangential that it feels like he's just looking for something to disagree on. It does not feel loving, it feels like you don't respect the other person, you think you know better about everything, you're not on the same team ever.

You don't actually have to share every single thought in your brain. It's not "walking on eggshells" not to share every single disagreement or criticism of your wife with her. No one likes a know-it-all, no one likes the guy who plays devil's advocate all the time.

Also, if your wife says she likes the face cream, a normal person would just agree that she looks great.

A normal person would not spend $200 on face cream. While I think he sounds like a contrarian ass, I can’t fault him for being dubious about a $200 face cream and think anyone who would indulge that is off their rocker.

Fine, but that's just one thing. I bet he spends money on stuff she thinks is stupid, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What on earth are you talking about? I'm almost genuinely curious about the microwave story because I literally cannot fathom what actually happened there. Your writing provides no clue.

But it seems like you admit to being contrarian to your wife, and in particular she thought she looked good because of her face cream, and you had to shoot her down. "Maybe you don't actually look good, honey," is not a very nice thing to imply. So yes, that's on you. It's not kind.

I didn’t say that to her. All I said was, babe you look great, maybe it’s more product of you having slept well last night, then it is that face cream. She knows I am skeptical of alternative medicine, or things like TCM, or generally beauty claims by OTC products in general. Her sister buys hundreds of dollars worth of supplements, things like rose hips, gut bio pills, things that have disclaimers on them essentially. Like expensive pills that may be of questionable origin or efficacy. I love her sister she’s great. However she also buys things like Himalayan sea salt lamps. Effectively she’s into alternative healing. I keep my mouth closed but whenever she tries to get my kids to take her supplements I say no. Please don’t give my child whatever distilled nonsense snake oil pill you have. This sister also believes that microwaves are generally bad for food or change the health qualities of food and so she doesn’t have one in her home.

The point is my wife doesn’t want me to criticize those types of things, and gets defensive if I do, which is a natural reaction, obviously that’s her sister. Anyway, I am much more reason and evidence-based about why I put in or on my body. Again, I digress. The only real point of this thread is that my wife and I frequently disagree and she says I never agree with her side or that I am contrarian. We disagree a lot, but I think we also agree a lot, but the bottom line is that marriage is frequently difficult as everyone knows.

[Anonymous]

The number of times this guy has congratulated himself for being reasonable or logical or the only intelligent person in his orbit is exhausting.

Your wife is putting up with a lot, OP. You don't have to respond to a request for a compliment with "you're pretty, I guess, but too stupid to understand why."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with the face cream. I can see how that came across after rereading my post . However, she can buy all the beauty products in the world, but good science tells us that sleep, lots of water, low stress, actual Botox, or dermoabrasion, or staying out of the sun and eating a good diet will work better than some OTC cream in a bottle that claims things that probably amount to a placebo effect on the user. She could spend $500 on a cream, and that’s fine, I just feel I should be able to say hey “you know there’s a ton of false marketing, which is documented by verifiable sources, on the thousands of beauty products out there, and that’s what doctors and experts actually say about this, so your skin looks great hun, but that’s my opinion.”

.

Your wife knows all these things. She doesn't need you to mansplain the benefits of face cream vs other wellness behaviors. The fact that you're doubling down on needing to explain how much you know and understand about these things just shows you're insufferable.

If I say to my man, wow this face cream is helping my skin so much, isn't it? I look great! His response should me to come squeeze and rub me and affirm that yes, I look great in his eyes.

You're not her father or science teacher who needs to teach her the complexities of the world, especially not around cosmetics.

[Anonymous]

The general Takeaway I’m getting from this thread, is that I should simply bite my tongue, let things be and have a Coke and a smile and STFU. Lol. Thanks, all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I do think that I have hit my limit in the last few years in entertaining or humoring conspiracy theories, anti-intellectualism, and anti-science views. Whether it’s 71 million people believing that Trump had his election stolen from him or that he is a good president, or that microwaves cause cancer or suck all the nutrients out of food or change the chemical composition of water, or that a skin cream actually does all that it claims. Basically, I can take a joke and generally have thick skin, maybe that’s more of a male trait, and I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound misogynistic, end it is my wife’s time of the month, which again I don’t mean to sound misogynistic or patronizing, but she does get annoyed and we you get in more fights around this time, but I want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.

Translation, you want permission to be a jerk and not suffer consequences for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with the face cream. I can see how that came across after rereading my post . However, she can buy all the beauty products in the world, but good science tells us that sleep, lots of water, low stress, actual Botox, or dermoabrasion, or staying out of the sun and eating a good diet will work better than some OTC cream in a bottle that claims things that probably amount to a placebo effect on the user. She could spend $500 on a cream, and that’s fine, I just feel I should be able to say hey “you know there’s a ton of false marketing, which is documented by verifiable sources, on the thousands of beauty products out there, and that’s what doctors and experts actually say about this, so your skin looks great hun, but that’s my opinion.”

.

Your wife knows all these things. She doesn't need you to mansplain the benefits of face cream vs other wellness behaviors. The fact that you're doubling down on needing to explain how much you know and understand about these things just shows you're insufferable.

If I say to my man, wow this face cream is helping my skin so much, isn't it? I look great! His response should me to come squeeze and rub me and affirm that yes, I look great in his eyes.

You're not her father or science teacher who needs to teach her the complexities of the world, especially not around cosmetics.

I’m pretty sure I’m not her father or her science teacher, but if she’s putting $200 mud on her face, and there are studies from the mayo clinic or Harvard, or whatever other reputable source has information it says hey this mud does nothing, I should join then just say “you look great, babe” rather than presenting this new earth shattering information?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The general Takeaway I’m getting from this thread, is that I should simply bite my tongue, let things be and have a Coke and a smile and STFU. Lol. Thanks, all.

You should learn how to navigate the world, which is not to appoint yourself instructor on all things to everyone around you. If you interpret that as oppression, cool.

[Anonymous]

OP your claims of brilliance are belied by your terrible writing and inability to convey a narrative. Take a seat somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The general Takeaway I’m getting from this thread, is that I should simply bite my tongue, let things be and have a Coke and a smile and STFU. Lol. Thanks, all.

A better take away is to know the difference between fact and opinion, then STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do think that I have hit my limit in the last few years in entertaining or humoring conspiracy theories, anti-intellectualism, and anti-science views. Whether it’s 71 million people believing that Trump had his election stolen from him or that he is a good president, or that microwaves cause cancer or suck all the nutrients out of food or change the chemical composition of water, or that a skin cream actually does all that it claims. Basically, I can take a joke and generally have thick skin, maybe that’s more of a male trait, and I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound misogynistic, end it is my wife’s time of the month, which again I don’t mean to sound misogynistic or patronizing, but she does get annoyed and we you get in more fights around this time, but I want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.

Translation, you want permission to be a jerk and not suffer consequences for it.

How is disagreeing or presenting relevant, science based evidence, being a jerk? Why indulge untruths, or present a counter claim, and have to live in fear of a harsh response? Microwaves are more the enemy. Botox works, most skin creams probably don’t (except for some with very specific ingredients)...

I don’t always disagree. We agree on many things, but I would want to be with someone who would be honest rather than a yes man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do think that I have hit my limit in the last few years in entertaining or humoring conspiracy theories, anti-intellectualism, and anti-science views. Whether it’s 71 million people believing that Trump had his election stolen from him or that he is a good president, or that microwaves cause cancer or suck all the nutrients out of food or change the chemical composition of water, or that a skin cream actually does all that it claims. Basically, I can take a joke and generally have thick skin, maybe that’s more of a male trait, and I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound misogynistic, end it is my wife’s time of the month, which again I don’t mean to sound misogynistic or patronizing, but she does get annoyed and we you get in more fights around this time, but I want to be able to speak my mind not worry about offending somebody.

Translation, you want permission to be a jerk and not suffer consequences for it.

How is disagreeing or presenting relevant, science based evidence, being a jerk? Why indulge untruths, or present a counter claim, and have to live in fear of a harsh response? Microwaves are more the enemy. Botox works, most skin creams probably don’t (except for some with very specific ingredients)...

I don’t always disagree. We agree on many things, but I would want to be with someone who would be honest rather than a yes man.

*microwaves are not the enemy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The general Takeaway I’m getting from this thread, is that I should simply bite my tongue, let things be and have a Coke and a smile and STFU. Lol. Thanks, all.

Wow, you’re a lot to deal with. The general sense you should get from this thread is that you are an annoying know it all and we all feel bad for your wife. My guess is that you have a low EQ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your claims of brilliance are belied by your terrible writing and inability to convey a narrative. Take a seat somewhere.

I’m sorry you don’t enjoy my stream of consciousness voice dictations. Also, the person who said “mansplain” before. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

You need to pick and choose when you speak your mind or offer a different opinion.

In general, something involving your wife's looks or something she seems excited about - your response should be kept positive if you can. It doesn't cost you anything to bite your tongue in those situations.