Why have a baby when your 40?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several good reasons - so my kid has a mom who knows the difference between your and you're, so that my kid has a mom who knows that 40 is not "biologically . . . menopause age [sic]," and last but certainly not least, so that I can "grosses out" [sic] teen moms.

Thanks for asking!

My 3rd grader knows the difference between your and you’re. Just sayin’.

OP, the biggest reason is age at meeting the right person. Some prioritize marrying and having kids young over all else and others get lucky and find that person early, but not all of us do. I had my kids at 35 and 37 but if I’d met my spouse even later, I’d certainly have been willing to have a kid at 40. Would it be my first choice? No. But I’d rather 40 than 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can people explain this to me please, I realize I'm being ignorant and probably will trigger the old farts on this forum. But why? Why not adopt? Do you really want to be 60 when your child is 20? 70 at 30? Women who have babies in their 40s really grosses me out.

I understand the economic and cultural differences for waiting to be older, but biologically you are at menopause age.

It’s good that you recognize your limitations. Why do you feel the need to spew your ignorance when you know for a fact that you are ignorant? Did you not get enough attention today?

I'm just asking. Besides a handful of reasons I got responses on a) my grammar and a bunch of pearl clutching responses. None of which explain why you chose to have a baby at such an old age.

Well, you got plenty of substantive responses.

Why do you want to know? Why do you care? Why does it gross you out? Do 25-yr-old pregnant women gross you out? Why? Why not?

Just asking.

And you need to look up the meaning of “pearl-clutching”.

I want to know because there seems to be quite a few women in this area who are old with young children.

I care because I'm trying to understand why you would want to have a toddler while "approaching" menopause. Pardon my previous posts that offended users.

It grosses me out because you're old. I get you are offended by that but you can't change your biological clock nor what you look like. You're 55 while your teenager is throwing a temper tantrum because you're taking too long to receive your 10% discount for being a senior?

No, 25 doesn't gross me out because that's an appropriate child rearing age.

Anyone offended by my question just is insecure with themselves for having children later in life.

I thought about having a kid at 25 but when I brought it up to my roommates in my group home on U Street they just weren't on board. It was a real bummer to miss the appropriate age, but here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing OP is a male in his late 20s. He believes that the women who are rejecting him now will regret it because they will end up single and alone and sad after spending their youths dating men with social skills. He believes that rejecting him means these women are unknowingly passing up a chance to have a perfect guy (even though he is bitter and hates women more and more with each passing night spent at his computer on incel forums). He thinks he will have the last laugh. It enrages him to think that some of these women will have babies later and have their happily-ever-afters because that flies in the face of his need to believe that women are screwing themselves over by rejecting him now.

How'd I do, do you think?

Spot on, just wait until he comes back yelling about shoes and brunch and how we must all be dried up angry women regretting our 20s (uh, even though I'm pretttttty sure most here are married moms, so...)

I think you’ve nailed it, but he will also be whining about how he reports to one of these 40-something mothers in the workplace, as women smart enough to have their careers together prior to having children are often in positions of leadership. When he’s reprimanded for poor performance when he sends emails using the incorrect “you’re” he’s going to need something to feel victimized about, and what better than his bosses life choices “grossing him out”.

[Anonymous]

Why learn grammar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are an uneducated dipsh#t OP and nobody cares of you are "grossed out."

As many have pointed out, it has been common throughout the centuries for women to have babies well into their 40s.

And a 40 year old mom is hands down better than a 15 year old mom.

+1 to all of this, but bolding because people have so absorbed wrong ideas about in/fertility. Women who didn't die in childbirth earlier often had babies in their 40s, especially if they had already had babies in their 20s and 30s, because you're still fertile and they didn't have BC. A 40-year-old is almost certainly NOT menopausal, barring a hormonal disorder. Your personal discomfort with older women having babies is your problem, and not based on any kind of biological fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. UMC educated women tend to have kids when they are older for two main reasons:

1. It’s better for your finances
2. Better for your career

I’m not talking about someone with inter generational wealth or a typical $60k a year job. I’m talking the countless DC women who have graduate degrees and earn $200k plus. They are in dual income families with HHIs around 500-750k. Not wealthy, but doing well

Your 20s and early 30s are for focusing on your career and saving. In a high earning track job, it’s extremely detrimental to have a baby in your 20s. Most women are still in grad school. Again, not talking about a $60k a year job. By the time you’re in your late 30s, you should have more career flexibility and the years of experience and hard work to fall back on. If I’d had a kid at 25, I’d likely have dropped out of the workforce and returned a number of years later at the same lowly salary. Because I didn’t have kids, I was earning closer to $120k by the time I was 30.

Having money makes life easier. When I was 25, I earned around $40k. Even if I had gone with daycare, having a kid would have extremely difficult financially. Now I’m in my late 30s and earning 250k plus. I can easily afford a nanny and throw a lot of money into college savings.

Wealthier, educated moms waiting to have kids is one of many factors driving inequality. Because I waited to have kids, I’ve been able to save aggressively in 529s. My kids will graduate from undergrad without any loans. They will also know to wait to have kids and the cycle will continue.

Still related to finances, we had plenty of money pre-kids to enjoy European vacations and an active social life. This wouldn’t have been an option with kids.

Having kids in your 20s is like having kids out of wedlock. It makes life harder financially. There are exceptions, but for the most part, women who have kids at a young age have the cards stacked against them.

Sure having a baby at an older age has risks for some sort of medical issue. But there are plenty of young people having kids in Alabama surrounded by obesity and substance abuse. Not sure that it’s really a greater risk to have kids in your late 30s/early 40s.

Another UMC woman here who had two kids in her 20s and the third at 40. What you don’t realize is that the amount of energy you have when you are young can compensate for many things. I started taking CFA exams when my second child was just born, and for 3 years I got up at 5:30 every weekend to study while the kids and husband were asleep. No way I could do it with my third. My older kids got to know their grandparents when they were still young and energetic (my mom became a grandma at 52) and my parents got to know their grandchildren as adults they have become. And it would have been fun to be empty nesters in our mid- 40s, travel and all, except we got that itch for the third kid. Most of my friends also got their first kids mid-to late 20s, some while finishing up their PhDs, some while doing their medical residencies. It definitely can be done and I hope the cycle continues with my kids.

[Anonymous]

I had two babies in my 40s but I didn’t expect my husband to die at 63. Everyone in his family lives well into their 80s. I hate my kids had to experience that so young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can people explain this to me please, I realize I'm being ignorant and probably will trigger the old farts on this forum. But why? Why not adopt? Do you really want to be 60 when your child is 20? 70 at 30? Women who have babies in their 40s really grosses me out.

I understand the economic and cultural differences for waiting to be older, but biologically you are at menopause age.

Because I consistently ovulate every month on the 14 day, am as fertile as I was 10 years ago. I am extremely high energy, even hyper, thin, appear 10 years younger. My grandmother had her last baby at 46.

[Anonymous]

I strongly believe that the answer to this high caliber question is because they choose to do so. Goodbye

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Why not adopt” says the person who has no idea how expensive and difficult adoption is.

Not at all.

it's amazing to me how many people talk about adoption like it's as easy as getting a puppy from a rescue shelter (and actually in this day and age I've heard that adopting pets has become more stringent and requiring of people to demonstrate they will be responsible owners)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing OP is a male in his late 20s. He believes that the women who are rejecting him now will regret it because they will end up single and alone and sad after spending their youths dating men with social skills. He believes that rejecting him means these women are unknowingly passing up a chance to have a perfect guy (even though he is bitter and hates women more and more with each passing night spent at his computer on incel forums). He thinks he will have the last laugh. It enrages him to think that some of these women will have babies later and have their happily-ever-afters because that flies in the face of his need to believe that women are screwing themselves over by rejecting him now.

How'd I do, do you think?

Incel 100%

What I don't understand is why anyone is giving serious responses. Don't feed the troll.

[Anonymous]

We were learning about parenting from the wise “old farts”, graduating, polishing our life skills and intellect.

[Anonymous]

Many responses on this page either think women in their 20s and early 30s shouldn't have babies because they are too young, immature, and need to focus on their careers, or, women who have children in their mid to late 30s, and 40s are grandmas. We can never win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. UMC educated women tend to have kids when they are older for two main reasons:

1. It’s better for your finances
2. Better for your career

I’m not talking about someone with inter generational wealth or a typical $60k a year job. I’m talking the countless DC women who have graduate degrees and earn $200k plus. They are in dual income families with HHIs around 500-750k. Not wealthy, but doing well

Your 20s and early 30s are for focusing on your career and saving. In a high earning track job, it’s extremely detrimental to have a baby in your 20s. Most women are still in grad school. Again, not talking about a $60k a year job. By the time you’re in your late 30s, you should have more career flexibility and the years of experience and hard work to fall back on. If I’d had a kid at 25, I’d likely have dropped out of the workforce and returned a number of years later at the same lowly salary. Because I didn’t have kids, I was earning closer to $120k by the time I was 30.

Having money makes life easier. When I was 25, I earned around $40k. Even if I had gone with daycare, having a kid would have extremely difficult financially. Now I’m in my late 30s and earning 250k plus. I can easily afford a nanny and throw a lot of money into college savings.

Wealthier, educated moms waiting to have kids is one of many factors driving inequality. Because I waited to have kids, I’ve been able to save aggressively in 529s. My kids will graduate from undergrad without any loans. They will also know to wait to have kids and the cycle will continue.

Still related to finances, we had plenty of money pre-kids to enjoy European vacations and an active social life. This wouldn’t have been an option with kids.

Having kids in your 20s is like having kids out of wedlock. It makes life harder financially. There are exceptions, but for the most part, women who have kids at a young age have the cards stacked against them.

Sure having a baby at an older age has risks for some sort of medical issue. But there are plenty of young people having kids in Alabama surrounded by obesity and substance abuse. Not sure that it’s really a greater risk to have kids in your late 30s/early 40s.

Another UMC woman here who had two kids in her 20s and the third at 40. What you don’t realize is that the amount of energy you have when you are young can compensate for many things. I started taking CFA exams when my second child was just born, and for 3 years I got up at 5:30 every weekend to study while the kids and husband were asleep. No way I could do it with my third. My older kids got to know their grandparents when they were still young and energetic (my mom became a grandma at 52) and my parents got to know their grandchildren as adults they have become. And it would have been fun to be empty nesters in our mid- 40s, travel and all, except we got that itch for the third kid. Most of my friends also got their first kids mid-to late 20s, some while finishing up their PhDs, some while doing their medical residencies. It definitely can be done and I hope the cycle continues with my kids.

"Having kids in your 20s is like having kids out of wedlock." Seriously, you responded because you're likely offended by someone questioning your age and do the exact same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many responses on this page either think women in their 20s and early 30s shouldn't have babies because they are too young, immature, and need to focus on their careers, or, women who have children in their mid to late 30s, and 40s are grandmas. We can never win.

Haven't read the thread, but will say that both OP's initial question and your response seem to lump all women into one homogeneous group. The problem is that women are a diverse subgroup that have their own lives, desires, drives, and goals.

Some women want to enjoy their youth, enjoy living life and learning or experiencing life while they are young enough to truly enjoy it. Learning to ski, hike mountains, surf, go white water rafting, etc are better when you are in your 20's and 30's than when you are in your 40's and 50's. It's easier to learn when younger and continue education continuously high school, college, post-graduate school (med, law, business, grad), then get your career launched when you are younger. It's much harder to take a break and try to get back into the work force.

Alternatively, some find childbearing and rearing easier when they are younger. and feel they can still do all the things they want to do when they are older and their kids are older and more self-sufficient. Some like the idea of having their kids grown up and fledged and then they can go back to whatever they put on hold to have their family.

Some have more help than others and can have their children while concurrently doing the things above. They can raise their family while still experiencing and enjoying various aspects of life.

It isn't one size fits all. And society doesn't demand that women fit into one mold the way that they used to. Women have options. We should be applauding women for finding their own way to have both a good life and still raise a family rather than judging them for not doing things the way other women do.