Should my mom come to stay for the first month after birth?

[Anonymous]

My DD is a private person and her DH is an incredibly involved Dad and fully competent man (a PCP tho he acknowledges kids and adult different medically!!) but they both have appreciated me coming for now both births. Like others have said-they focus on the baby and this time their 3.5 yo and I take care of them. COVID made it a little harder but having me home while they stayed in hospital -a c-section so 3 days - meant there were no worries w/what to do about 3.5’s care. I was very conservative and basically full quarantine 3 weeks before but honestly we didn’t mask after they came home.

Because I have my own business I did work a few hours per day and could only stay a little more than two weeks this time but there 3 weeks for first (and that was an unexpected c-section.)

They could have absolutely done without my help but it was a gift to me and I know easier for them. The other grandparents are local and helped after I left (I did return at 5 weeks, my DH at 7) but the later times were more just pleasure of being with them. And thank goodness as we cannot go know b/c of worsening covid #’s.

I never had help at birth but would have appreciated. If your mother can come-embrace it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am of the opinion that most people don’t need a ton of help for a newborn. And I loved having the time just with DH and DD and me figuring things out together. I wasn’t exhausted or overworked- newborns just don’t do that much and DH and I took turns with her at night. Breastfeeding wasn’t difficult for me- I can see it being much harder if you are struggling with bfing.

Lucky you. Sounds like you had a very easy baby.

[Anonymous]

I'm jealous! My mom came for 5 days each time. (2 kids).

She did not do a lot other than comfort the baby while I was napping. But for that I was thankful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A co-worker from China send her baby to her husband's family back in China for the first year. She was not happy about it.

OMG are you friends with Frugal Asian Finance? https://frugalasianfinance.com/2017/06/28/sent-our-baby-to-china/

That is thoroughly messed up. I have 3 and we've never had family help, and if they offered to take a baby way from me I would never speak to them again.

This is common Asian and South Asian cultures (India) as well as the Philippines. I know women from all these cultures and more who have done this. If you work at all in international settings you already know this.

[Anonymous]

If you and your DH can't take care of your baby then you should not be having one. Your mother is not your maid. If you need help HIRE A BABY NURSE OR NANNY and pay top dollar. New borns are not that difficult but most new mother's today are lazy and helpless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm jealous! My mom came for 5 days each time. (2 kids).

She did not do a lot other than comfort the baby while I was napping. But for that I was thankful.

Your child and your responsibility. Your mother is not responsible for your children. Stop having them if you can't take care of them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you and your DH can't take care of your baby then you should not be having one. Your mother is not your maid. If you need help HIRE A BABY NURSE OR NANNY and pay top dollar. New borns are not that difficult but most new mother's today are lazy and helpless.

Troll post like this shows up in these sorts of threads all the time.
Not having family help is more of a recent thing, with families more distanced these days. The vast majority of people in this country can’t pay “top dollar” for a nurse. So privileged.
Sounds like you had an easy baby. My second child was super easy. My first was a nightmare that quite literally would have broken me (I had PPD) had it not been for family support, as my DH had to return to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a baby is really not that hard.

Such an American attitude. Grandmas come to visit, not to help with the baby but to help the mother recover. Read up on Asian culture. We do it the RIGHT way.

You had a baby not brain surgery! Furthermore, it was your choice to have a baby. Brain tumors and serious illnesses are not choices. Having a baby is not serious. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you and your DH can't take care of your baby then you should not be having one. Your mother is not your maid. If you need help HIRE A BABY NURSE OR NANNY and pay top dollar. New borns are not that difficult but most new mother's today are lazy and helpless.

Troll post like this shows up in these sorts of threads all the time.
Not having family help is more of a recent thing, with families more distanced these days. The vast majority of people in this country can’t pay “top dollar” for a nurse. So privileged.
Sounds like you had an easy baby. My second child was super easy. My first was a nightmare that quite literally would have broken me (I had PPD) had it not been for family support, as my DH had to return to work.

Yeah and bread was once five cents a loaf and now it's five dollars a loaf. Times change. You probably make more money in a month than your parents made in a year.

[Anonymous]

I would have your mom come when DH goes back to work. You don't need three sets of hands, but when you're down to yourself, you'll appreciate having someone else.

[Anonymous]

Mom came for baby #1 for three months. It helped a lot!
Was nice to have someone experienced around. Remember, new parents are generally idiots, and we were no exception. I think it's better to have someone there from the first, especially if you wind up with a C-section recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you and your DH can't take care of your baby then you should not be having one. Your mother is not your maid. If you need help HIRE A BABY NURSE OR NANNY and pay top dollar. New borns are not that difficult but most new mother's today are lazy and helpless.

Troll post like this shows up in these sorts of threads all the time.
Not having family help is more of a recent thing, with families more distanced these days. The vast majority of people in this country can’t pay “top dollar” for a nurse. So privileged.
Sounds like you had an easy baby. My second child was super easy. My first was a nightmare that quite literally would have broken me (I had PPD) had it not been for family support, as my DH had to return to work.

Yeah and bread was once five cents a loaf and now it's five dollars a loaf. Times change. You probably make more money in a month than your parents made in a year.

LoL. No. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

I hemorrhaged when my first was born and they kept checking my blood-count at the hospital. The baby was also slightly premature. So by the time we went home I had a few nights of no sleep, my husband not much more. We were supposed to feed her every two hours around the clock but she would nurse. So every two hours I would try to nurse her, pump, and then either feed her or have my husband feed her. At that point we were feeding her via syringe. I was getting about 45 mins of sleep at a time, less if I were feeding her. My parents happened to be in town for her birth and did very unhelpful things (like put all our laundry in the washing machine but then leave, so we had to walk down the hall to the shared laundry, change and fold it). This when I had a lot of stifles and no sleep. By contrast my mother in law came and slept on our sofa for 5 nights. She folded laundry, made meals, took nighttime feedings (so I could pump and go back to sleep) etc. I truly don’t know how I would have managed as we had reached our breaking point already.

For our 2nd she came for a full two weeks. I don’t know if this is allowed for you, but I had the brilliant idea of my husband delaying his paternity leave (I had no paid maternity leave). So, she was born on a Weds, we came home Friday, mother in law arrived Sunday. DH took Monday and Tuesday off from work (a/l) as he was required to use paternity leave in full weeks. Then he returned to work while I had the help at home. It was really great - I could sleep more and 2nd was great at nursing. By the time she left and DH took time off I’d really healed enough to be out and about and our daughter was that much more alert.