Should my mom come to stay for the first month after birth?

[Anonymous]

No! Unless you have an amazing relationship with her. I would say no. Your hormones are going to be raging!

[Anonymous]

Wow I can't believe the number of woman that can't givebirth and take care of baby themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow I can't believe the number of woman that can't givebirth and take care of baby themselves.

Are you kidding? Mortality rates are very high for people who birth and care for baby alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It always baffles me when people say they want to go through the first days together just as a nuclear family. Those are the worst! I come from a culture where women are looked after by their parents for at least 40 days after childbirth, and I can tell you that it helps you recover much faster. My parents came and stayed with me, looked after all of the cooking, laundry, etc. My husband handled the shopping while he was on paternity leave but once he went back to work I took over that task, but otherwise just being able to rest in between feeding the baby was great.

DP. I think the problem is precisely that we don't have the culture of supporting the new mother. When I tried to have my MIL come help a few days after the baby was born, it was terrible. We weren't used to living with her, and we had no cultural context for the things she was supposed to do and I was supposed to do. This may be a MIL-DIL issue as well (my biological mother is not in the picture). I desperately wanted help, but it ended up being easier in the short term to cope on my own, because my MIL was making it worse.

In cultures where this would be expected, your mother just does stuff whether you want her to or not and you don't talk back. I'm not sure it is all sunshine and roses like you are thinking.

[Anonymous]

In my case "help" meant waiting on my mom. Hope yours is not like that.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it is nice to have your mom (or someone other than your husband) there right away with the first, because they at least have a clue about how to take care of a baby. I also enjoyed the companionship of another woman. With my second, my MIL came when the baby was about 10 days old, mainly to help with older kid.

[Anonymous]

My mother in law came once but I learned I'd rather pay for help so that I can tell um then what to do

[Anonymous]

My in-laws came for the first few days -- my MIL is a nurse and was really helpful in terms of taking care of me -- she made meals, did laundry, ran errands, and watched the baby so I could nap. We then had a week of just my husband and I, and then my husband went back to work and my mom came for a month. It was wonderful -- she cooked, cleaned, ran errands, helped with the baby, and just kept me company during the days. You spend a lot of time in a chair nursing, and it was nice to have someone to chat with! Or to take neighborhood walks with.

My husband took his paternity leave when I went back to work, so he had two months of taking care of the baby all day, and was able to get really comfortable with that.

It depends on your mom and your relationship, but if you get along and think she'll be helpful, do it! There's no prize for making it harder than it needs to be or doing everything on your own. For most of human history and in most of the world, female relatives help(ed) new mothers. There's nothing wrong with it, and it was a really amazing opportunity to connect with my mom in a new way.

[Anonymous]

No way, not for a month. It was very sweet that DH and I and the baby got to be together by ourselves in the beginning. Lots of cuddling with the baby and crying (no clue on the crying- hormones?). I think that's a DH's role not a grandparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It always baffles me when people say they want to go through the first days together just as a nuclear family. Those are the worst! I come from a culture where women are looked after by their parents for at least 40 days after childbirth, and I can tell you that it helps you recover much faster. My parents came and stayed with me, looked after all of the cooking, laundry, etc. My husband handled the shopping while he was on paternity leave but once he went back to work I took over that task, but otherwise just being able to rest in between feeding the baby was great.

DP. I think the problem is precisely that we don't have the culture of supporting the new mother. When I tried to have my MIL come help a few days after the baby was born, it was terrible. We weren't used to living with her, and we had no cultural context for the things she was supposed to do and I was supposed to do. This may be a MIL-DIL issue as well (my biological mother is not in the picture). I desperately wanted help, but it ended up being easier in the short term to cope on my own, because my MIL was making it worse.

You were supposed to breastfeed the baby. They MIL was supposed to do everything else as pp mentioned: cooking, laundry, etc.

Ideally, yes. But my MIL wanted to feed the baby, rock the baby, and do the baths for the baby. She did cook 1 meal every other day for the adults. At the end of her stay, I was so glad she was leaving. She had good intentions to “help” but her stay added to my and DH’s stress.

When we have baby #2, DH and I decided no parents will visit until after 2 months.

-NP

[Anonymous]

OMG YES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow I can't believe the number of woman that can't givebirth and take care of baby themselves.

You're not meant to. Don't be a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I can't believe the number of woman that can't givebirth and take care of baby themselves.

Are you kidding? Mortality rates are very high for people who birth and care for baby alone.

That’s...just not true.

[Anonymous]

The hospital kept me, and sent our newborn home with my husband. Our first. Thank goodness he had help with my mother being there.

[Anonymous]

Yes def, I cried when my mom left and would not have made it that first week wo her!