Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's also clearly established that infants in a parent's bed are more likely to die. One NIH study showed 70% of kids who died of SIDS were bedsharing when they died.

My cousin lost her baby boy this way and screams it from the rooftops not to make the same mistake. Bed sharing isn't just bad for you mentally it's dangerous for the baby. There's a reason pediatricians tell you to put the baby in a bassinet or crib. They've seen what happens when bedsharing goes wrong.

Obviously we're talking young babies here, but OP wants a second kid.

Which increases the risk of tragedy if OP plans on sharing a bed with a newborn and a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP had some undiagnosed post partum anxiety. So much attention is paid to depression and not enough to anxiety. That can lead to behavior like never being alone from the baby.

Good question. OP could definitely benefit from some outside intervention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP lives here. Sounds like she is American born and raised. Who cares what is the norm somewhere else in the world? It is not just about sex, talking at night, having the plans for the next day, falling asleep, having a partner. Not to mention htat OP admitted that she is doing this for herself.
She needs to ask herself why is she using her 1 year old for emotional support?

Why can’t they do all of that and then go to sleep in separate beds? Personally, when I sleep I sleep... it makes zero difference who is next to me, but if it gives comfort to my young kids, I am very happy to do it. DH is 46... he can sleep on his own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP lives here. Sounds like she is American born and raised. Who cares what is the norm somewhere else in the world? It is not just about sex, talking at night, having the plans for the next day, falling asleep, having a partner. Not to mention htat OP admitted that she is doing this for herself.
She needs to ask herself why is she using her 1 year old for emotional support?

Why can’t they do all of that and then go to sleep in separate beds? Personally, when I sleep I sleep... it makes zero difference who is next to me, but if it gives comfort to my young kids, I am very happy to do it. DH is 46... he can sleep on his own

In our case, kids go to bed at 8 and DH and I at 10:30/11:30. We spend 3 hours eating dinner, talking, having sex and watching shows. When we are both about to fall asleep, one of us moves to the baby’s bedroom... I have no clue what is weird or bad about that....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP lives here. Sounds like she is American born and raised. Who cares what is the norm somewhere else in the world? It is not just about sex, talking at night, having the plans for the next day, falling asleep, having a partner. Not to mention htat OP admitted that she is doing this for herself.
She needs to ask herself why is she using her 1 year old for emotional support?

Why can’t they do all of that and then go to sleep in separate beds? Personally, when I sleep I sleep... it makes zero difference who is next to me, but if it gives comfort to my young kids, I am very happy to do it. DH is 46... he can sleep on his own

In our case, kids go to bed at 8 and DH and I at 10:30/11:30. We spend 3 hours eating dinner, talking, having sex and watching shows. When we are both about to fall asleep, one of us moves to the baby’s bedroom... I have no clue what is weird or bad about that....

Yikes. How long are you going to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP lives here. Sounds like she is American born and raised. Who cares what is the norm somewhere else in the world? It is not just about sex, talking at night, having the plans for the next day, falling asleep, having a partner. Not to mention htat OP admitted that she is doing this for herself.
She needs to ask herself why is she using her 1 year old for emotional support?

Why can’t they do all of that and then go to sleep in separate beds? Personally, when I sleep I sleep... it makes zero difference who is next to me, but if it gives comfort to my young kids, I am very happy to do it. DH is 46... he can sleep on his own

Except in her case, it gives comfort to her, she clearly posted that her son is fine on his own. Plus she goes to bed at 8 pm! To her dh, she is like a nanny to his child, not a wife. You must have an unhappy marraige if you are even married. Happily married people like to fall sleep and go to bed together. Heck, unhappily married people like to go to bed together and hope to improve their relationship, even with talking things out. It is not just about sex, it is companionship.
Now, if OP said her son has health issues, screams at night, and needs to be soothed, sure, but she openly said she is anxious about being apart from her child. Do you think that small tiny detail is irrelevant? SHe is anxious to be apart, even in the same house from her kid. That is not normal, that indicates more than just sleeping apart issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP lives here. Sounds like she is American born and raised. Who cares what is the norm somewhere else in the world? It is not just about sex, talking at night, having the plans for the next day, falling asleep, having a partner. Not to mention htat OP admitted that she is doing this for herself.
She needs to ask herself why is she using her 1 year old for emotional support?

Why can’t they do all of that and then go to sleep in separate beds? Personally, when I sleep I sleep... it makes zero difference who is next to me, but if it gives comfort to my young kids, I am very happy to do it. DH is 46... he can sleep on his own

In our case, kids go to bed at 8 and DH and I at 10:30/11:30. We spend 3 hours eating dinner, talking, having sex and watching shows. When we are both about to fall asleep, one of us moves to the baby’s bedroom... I have no clue what is weird or bad about that....

Why? Not judging, but why does one of you go to baby's bedroom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The anti- cosleeping is an American thing. I am from another country and co-sleeping is the norm. We still have sex with our husbands, but often don’t sleep together. My DH and I have not slept in the same bed much since our first was born. We have sex plenty(at least 3 times a week) and we have 3 kids. Once the baby stops waking up at night (usually around 2), we will move him with his Sisters so he is not sleeping alone. We always co-slept for as long as our kids wanted/needed it (right around 2/2,5). It not an issue in our relationship at all. I feel horrible for the kids that are left alone to cry. THAT is not acceptable where I come from.

So OP... if the issue is the lack of sex then HAVE sex with your DH before bed... if it’s a better or principle (which I really don’t get), then try to change your husband perspective. Kids are not meant to sleep alone!!!! Why should a grown man not want to sleep alone, but a baby yes?!?! Makes absolutely no sense to me...

Uh, many many babies sleep through the night well before 2. Maybe your insistence on co-sleeping is keeping your kid from sleeping.

[Anonymous]

I coslept with our first until our second was born, 26 months.

Only difference is, my DH didn't express to me that it bothered him until after our second child was born and I had stopped cosleeping with the first anyway.

I didn't cosleep with our second child at all beyond the first few weeks.

Honestly, I do think that time spent cosleeping negatively impacted my relationship with DH in big and subtle ways. Without getting too far into the why, I'll just say we're in therapy now.

If you want my advice, stop cosleeping now. You won't be able to continue it when you have your second child anyway and your husband has expressed to you that it bothers him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so sad how anti instinctive this society is and how it validates the selfish desires of man children.

+1

IMO you may want to consider moving baby now because like a PP Said, it will be easier than doing it later when kid could be clingier, etc. BUT, not because your ahole husband thinks your body should be his source of comfort . This baby is 1, it’s not a preschooler. And, if there was no kid involved here but you still wanted to sleep alone, you would be getting really different answers. You can prioritize your marriage without giving into these ridiculous demands. Although, I wouldn’t want to in your situation.

[Anonymous]

“I understand where he is coming from but I love the co-sleeping. I’m upset that he is giving me an ultimatum. I’m very hurt and feel like he isn’t taking my feelings into consideration.”

Change this to

I understand where SHE is coming from but I HATE the co-sleeping. I’m upset that SHE is THINKING OF HERSELF MORE THAN ME. I’m very hurt and feel like SHE isn’t taking my feelings into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Calling the husband an a hole because he doesn't want his wife to go to bed at 8pm every night is pretty gross. This isn't just a sex thing, they aren't spending time together at all. Like this year my husband and I read all the Hugo nominees and voted. It was a fun thing for us to do together and we did most of it after 7:30PM, when my 1 year old goes to bed (in his crib, which he does happily).

[Anonymous]

I go to sleep at 9, my husband goes to sleep at 11 for various reasons. We don't have a sitcom like setup where we chat in bed or watch tv together. But I still like being in bed with him and sleeping next to him. This is an important part of marriage intimacy in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so sad how anti instinctive this society is and how it validates the selfish desires of man children.

You’re ridiculous. It’s not normal to go to bed at 8, have zero alone time with your husband (nor apparently want any. Wtf) and have your child not even need you to co sleep! Like that is batshit. And you want a second child? Please.

Do you also think the mom should bear the brunt of child care? Because you can’t have it both ways. If you want an equal partnership you can’t act like all decisions are unilaterally yours because you are mom

I am not OP!

[Anonymous]

How about this? DH has high anxiety and only watching Netflix in his study, by himself, calms him down. We haven't slept in the same bed for a year. What should I do?