Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Stop co-sleeping since it is negatively impacting your marriage, and your son can sleep without issues in his crib.

[Anonymous]

I pleaded with DW not to co-sleep. Then once she did, I tried very hard to get her to stop at some reasonable juncture.

Our kids are now well into ES and they still need her to sleep most nights. We’ve figured out a way to manage and I’m not going to divorce over it. I’m so used to it at this point that I don’t even really think about it until I read something like this.

So we are OK overall. But it fundamentally and permanently altered our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP lives here. Sounds like she is American born and raised. Who cares what is the norm somewhere else in the world? It is not just about sex, talking at night, having the plans for the next day, falling asleep, having a partner. Not to mention htat OP admitted that she is doing this for herself.
She needs to ask herself why is she using her 1 year old for emotional support?

Why can’t they do all of that and then go to sleep in separate beds? Personally, when I sleep I sleep... it makes zero difference who is next to me, but if it gives comfort to my young kids, I am very happy to do it. DH is 46... he can sleep on his own

In our case, kids go to bed at 8 and DH and I at 10:30/11:30. We spend 3 hours eating dinner, talking, having sex and watching shows. When we are both about to fall asleep, one of us moves to the baby’s bedroom... I have no clue what is weird or bad about that....

Why? Not judging, but why does one of you go to baby's bedroom?

Because our son wakes up at night and needs a pacifier or a little milk. Being next to him is just much more convenient. My other kids did this until 2, then they started finding their pacifier or water on their own

This is a rookie move. I promise you if you weren't in there, they would find the pacis on their own. Children have done this for eons without their parents. Enterprising parents buy several of the same pacis and sprinkle them around the bed.

All that being said, the different between you and OP is that it works for you and your DH. It's not working for OP and her DH. His gripe is legit, and OP needs to deal with her issues. he is absolutely right to not have another baby with her right now.

This part, but people want to gloss over this to promote their agenda.

Not really. I think OP can have it all if she wants to. She needs to spend time with her husband after the baby goes to bed and join the baby after 10 or so. I do agree though that she should stop cosleeping before the new baby arrives.

I don’t agree with the “rule” that husband and wife HAVE to sleep together. That’s what some couple want and it’s not good for others. My parents slept in separate beds since for everyone because my dads snores. They have a great marriage. Of course they need to spend time together ALONE, but it does not need to be from 9pm to 6am. DH and I take vacation every year alone. We used to go out once a week (pre-Covid), now we exercise together every day and play tennis often. And we never sleep in the same bed.
So I have a problem with the “rule”, but I support OP’s DH if all he wants is more alone time with his wife...

Again , you are talking about your situation that works for both you and your DH, and you are assuming it worked for your parents. It
s not working for OP's marriage. It's not a rule, but it's completely normal t o want to sleep with ones mate, as natural as those that want to sleep with baby all night long.

[Anonymous]

My dd has a friend whose parents sleep in different bedrooms. They are all in college now. DD reported that her friend told her her mom is just using her dad for money, and they just live in the same house, as if they are not married at all.
Wonder how that started?

[Anonymous]

You say the kid's a great sleeper and doesn't need to nurse all night, so you're just doing this for yourself. Your son doesn't need it; your husband doesn't want it. You are prioritizing your needs over your husband's, which is a choice you're entitled to make, but don't try to turn it into something about bonding with DS.

[Anonymous]

Team DH here.

How would you try for a baby? Visit the guest room to try to get pregnant and then return to your son in bed? I'd feel like a used sperm bank if I were DH. What is your thought process with cosleeping? Get pregnant and add the baby to the bed too? Or move son out and co-sleep with baby instead? Your DH is being vocal about he needs in your marriage. I would listen to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather have a second kid or a husband? It’s all in your hands.

How does one expect to get a second kid if husband's always sleeping somewhere else anyway?

Yall are the most puritannical group of women. The husband is sleeping in another room. Places you can have sex that arent your bedroom: couch, table, laundry room, staircase, shower, hallway, deck/patio, kitchen floor, car in the garage....

I never get this. Do you lock your walking children in their rooms? Or just hope they don’t decide they need a glass of water while you are getting busy on the kitchen floor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your husband has been really clear about his needs, and your son doesn’t need to co-sleep. So you are doing it for yourself. You’re hurting your relationship with your DH. I would stop cosleeping.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your husband has been really clear about his needs, and your son doesn’t need to co-sleep. So you are doing it for yourself. You’re hurting your relationship with your DH. I would stop cosleeping.

This.

+100

[Anonymous]

The amount of times the word "marital" has been used on this thread is disturbing. Co-sleeping is perfectly fine. Not doing it is fine also. What isn't fine is a spouse giving an ultimatum.
Team OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of times the word "marital" has been used on this thread is disturbing. Co-sleeping is perfectly fine. Not doing it is fine also. What isn't fine is a spouse giving an ultimatum.
Team OP

I’m a DW and let me tell you that I would not be reproducing with my husband if he made me sleep in the guest room so he could share a bed with one of our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of times the word "marital" has been used on this thread is disturbing. Co-sleeping is perfectly fine. Not doing it is fine also. What isn't fine is a spouse giving an ultimatum.
Team OP

I’m a DW and let me tell you that I would not be reproducing with my husband if he made me sleep in the guest room so he could share a bed with one of our kids.

+1 I could imagine a world where cosleeping like this was the only way forward - sick kid, can't get them to sleep otherwise, underweight and needs to night nurse. And of course there are families where both parents are on board with cosleeping so you don't need a "reason" beyond that. But OP is doing this for funsies and turning her DH into an outsider in his own bedroom. She's pushed him out of the bedroom but he's not allowed to say "hey I'd like to sleep in my bed again" without being considered the bad guy??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of times the word "marital" has been used on this thread is disturbing. Co-sleeping is perfectly fine. Not doing it is fine also. What isn't fine is a spouse giving an ultimatum.
Team OP

I’m a DW and let me tell you that I would not be reproducing with my husband if he made me sleep in the guest room so he could share a bed with one of our kids.

+1 I could imagine a world where cosleeping like this was the only way forward - sick kid, can't get them to sleep otherwise, underweight and needs to night nurse. And of course there are families where both parents are on board with cosleeping so you don't need a "reason" beyond that. But OP is doing this for funsies and turning her DH into an outsider in his own bedroom. She's pushed him out of the bedroom but he's not allowed to say "hey I'd like to sleep in my bed again" without being considered the bad guy??

I struggle with insomnia enough without tossing a baby in my bed into the mix. I remember when I was in vacation as a kid I had to share a bed with my toddler sister and she managed to take up the whole bed. She would kick herself into whole circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of times the word "marital" has been used on this thread is disturbing. Co-sleeping is perfectly fine. Not doing it is fine also. What isn't fine is a spouse giving an ultimatum.
Team OP

I’m a DW and let me tell you that I would not be reproducing with my husband if he made me sleep in the guest room so he could share a bed with one of our kids.

I think PP also missed the part where OP also goes to bed at 8pm with her kid. I dont see what her husband did an ultimatum. He's unhappy. His marriage isn't good (sorry no marriage can be good if one person goes to bed at 8pm every day with their kid) so why would he bring another kid into the mix? It's completely smart to say no kid until things are better.

[Anonymous]

So OP how is it going?