Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have an amazing 1 year old son. He’s the best little guy and has made our lives so much better. My husband
is an amazing dad. I would love to start trying for a second but my husband said not until I change my current situation.

Our son has always been a great sleeper. We started with The Snoo and then co-sleeping. I had issues with breastfeeding and used co-sleeping as a way to get that bond that I missed out on with breastfeeding. Our son has slept 8-7 since 3/4 months old and doesn’t need to eat during the night. He is able to sleep by himself and has many times. He doesn’t have any of the issues like breastfeeding all night or not sleeping that most women experience and end up co-sleeping.

My husband is a very deep sleeper and was not comfortable sleeping in the bed with my me and the baby. He has been sleeping in the guest room for six months. Our relationship has suffered because of it. He’s a very affectionate person and has told me he feels like I’m not putting enough attention into our relationship. He told me he is not wiling to start trying for another child until I stop co-sleeping. I understand where he is coming from but I love the co-sleeping. I’m upset that he is giving me an ultimatum. I’m very hurt and feel like he isn’t taking my feelings into consideration. I don’t know if I should give up co-sleeping. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Uh.

I think you need to prioritize sleeping with your HUSBAND instead of your SON.

[Anonymous]

I side with your dh— mom of two who never co-slept.

[Anonymous]

You have issues

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your husband has been really clear about his needs, and your son doesn’t need to co-sleep. So you are doing it for yourself. You’re hurting your relationship with your DH. I would stop cosleeping.

[Anonymous]

Is there a way to get the closeness with your baby at another time so that you and your husband can get private time together? While it sounds like your husband is maybe being a little insensitive to why co-sleeping is important to you, I can see where he is coming from if he feels that you two are just not connecting right now.

I co-slept for a long time, too (about 9 months), but then moved DD into her crib in her own room. It was hard at first but ultimately it was really good for my mental health and for my relationship with my husband, Just being able to sit up and talk to each other when we went to bed, it kind of normalized family life for us and let us get back to something that felt like us -- the couple we'd been before having a baby.

DD would wake up around 5am in the morning, usually in need of a diaper change. I'd get her and bring her to our bed, and still get that snuggle time with her in the morning for a couple hours. It was enough for me. It might be worth trying just to see how you feel, especially if your child will sleep well on his own. It will also make bedtime easier for you later when he's not a baby and needs to be able to go to bed on his own.

[Anonymous]

Can you try a compromise?

Like a side car crib, family bed, or putting a twin/full on the floor in your room. It is a BIG adjustment for a baby/toddler to go from sleeping one way to sleeping another way. Doesnt matter if it is cosleeping or going from a crib to a toddler bed/floor bed. The transition will be heavily influenced on how you present it and your sons temperament. You could also try starting naps in a floor bed in his room and then putting him to bed once he gets accustomed to nap time. I would also suggest a lovey during the transition time.

Also, your husband may be a deep sleeper but safe cosleeping would never have a child under the age of 18 months between mom and dad. Child should always be on mom's side with Dad on the other side.

You are also going to have to deal with this for the second baby. Make sure that you all discuss this thoroughly because resentment can go both ways. Im also not a fan of the ultimatum to be frank. He is withholding a second child until you stop cosleeping...erm okay.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I totally get it but it's Really important to go back to having a marital bed, for lack of a better term. You can start your night there then shift to baby's room in the middle of the night of he wakes up. I cuddle with my baby at bedtime, then sneak out, have some adult time With DH and fall asleep in our bed. My 13 month old still wakes up once a night around 2am at which point we both end up in the guest bed in her room together. There is a toodler railing on the guess bed for just this purpose.

[Anonymous]

I'm with your DH. You are all about your feelings and what you want and are completely disregarding your husband. To the point your relationship has suffered. That's beyond ridiculous and you're completely insane for feeling hurt by what your DH said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you try a compromise?

Like a side car crib, family bed, or putting a twin/full on the floor in your room. It is a BIG adjustment for a baby/toddler to go from sleeping one way to sleeping another way. Doesnt matter if it is cosleeping or going from a crib to a toddler bed/floor bed. The transition will be heavily influenced on how you present it and your sons temperament. You could also try starting naps in a floor bed in his room and then putting him to bed once he gets accustomed to nap time. I would also suggest a lovey during the transition time.

Also, your husband may be a deep sleeper but safe cosleeping would never have a child under the age of 18 months between mom and dad. Child should always be on mom's side with Dad on the other side.

You are also going to have to deal with this for the second baby. Make sure that you all discuss this thoroughly because resentment can go both ways. Im also not a fan of the ultimatum to be frank. He is withholding a second child until you stop cosleeping...erm okay.

Her husband is smart to withhold a second kid. Op has stated that their marriage has suffered because of the cosleeping. I'm sure this wasn't their first discussion about it. It would be insane to bring another child into this situation as it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have an amazing 1 year old son. He’s the best little guy and has made our lives so much better. My husband
is an amazing dad. I would love to start trying for a second but my husband said not until I change my current situation.

Our son has always been a great sleeper. We started with The Snoo and then co-sleeping. I had issues with breastfeeding and used co-sleeping as a way to get that bond that I missed out on with breastfeeding. Our son has slept 8-7 since 3/4 months old and doesn’t need to eat during the night. He is able to sleep by himself and has many times. He doesn’t have any of the issues like breastfeeding all night or not sleeping that most women experience and end up co-sleeping.

My husband is a very deep sleeper and was not comfortable sleeping in the bed with my me and the baby. He has been sleeping in the guest room for six months. Our relationship has suffered because of it. He’s a very affectionate person and has told me he feels like I’m not putting enough attention into our relationship. He told me he is not wiling to start trying for another child until I stop co-sleeping. I understand where he is coming from but I love the co-sleeping. I’m upset that he is giving me an ultimatum. I’m very hurt and feel like he isn’t taking my feelings into consideration. I don’t know if I should give up co-sleeping. What would you do?

Also I want to add with the underlined that cosleeping is judged heavily in the West. It is the norm in a lot of other places/countries/cultures. Babies are not meant to be separated from their mother for extended periods of time. I think that breastfeeding issues and frequent wakings make it easier for women to cosleep because it allows them a reason besides just wanting to be close to their children. If you work full-time and baby goes to sleep from 8-7, you have 4 hours tops with your kid on top of cleaning, dinner, errands, etc.

My son just started back at part-time playschool after 6 months of being with us at home. He has expressed lots of sadness about missing mommy and daddy and our dog and his grandma (who lives with us) and was exceptionally needy for the first week or so. He had previously been sleeping in his own bed but asked to sleep in our bed. We allowed it and within a week or so, he went back to his own bed. He just needed to reconnection.

On the same point, your husband needs connection too. Im not sure why it has to happen at night but you all should explore that together.

[Anonymous]

Just stop to think got a minute how you’d feel if your husband was co-sleeping with your son in the marital bed and you were relegated to the guest bedroom.

Be grateful that your husband voiced his feelings and is trying to get your relationship on track. After all, if you end up divorced, you’ll only be seeing your kid 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I totally get it but it's Really important to go back to having a marital bed, for lack of a better term. You can start your night there then shift to baby's room in the middle of the night of he wakes up. I cuddle with my baby at bedtime, then sneak out, have some adult time With DH and fall asleep in our bed. My 13 month old still wakes up once a night around 2am at which point we both end up in the guest bed in her room together. There is a toodler railing on the guess bed for just this purpose.

Marital bed is a nice phrase for sex. They can have sex elsewhere. If it is about intimacy thats a separate issue. Also not all successful couples share beds.

[Anonymous]

DH and I co-slept with DD until she was 3.
I find it very immature of your husband to sleep elsewhere and find co-sleeping unnecessary and weird, and I'm very glad my husband was perfectly fine with co-sleeping.

Personally, I wouldn't want to space my kids so close anyway. Enjoy the time you have with this one first. Then, when you're both ready, transition him gently to his room, and think about another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you try a compromise?

Like a side car crib, family bed, or putting a twin/full on the floor in your room. It is a BIG adjustment for a baby/toddler to go from sleeping one way to sleeping another way. Doesnt matter if it is cosleeping or going from a crib to a toddler bed/floor bed. The transition will be heavily influenced on how you present it and your sons temperament. You could also try starting naps in a floor bed in his room and then putting him to bed once he gets accustomed to nap time. I would also suggest a lovey during the transition time.

Also, your husband may be a deep sleeper but safe cosleeping would never have a child under the age of 18 months between mom and dad. Child should always be on mom's side with Dad on the other side.

You are also going to have to deal with this for the second baby. Make sure that you all discuss this thoroughly because resentment can go both ways. Im also not a fan of the ultimatum to be frank. He is withholding a second child until you stop cosleeping...erm okay.


OP here. I admit the co-sleeping is for me. My son is a great sleeper and can sleep on his own. He naps on his own in his crib. There has been a handful of times before and recently we didn’t co-sleep and he has slept in his crib without any issues.