Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I admit that co-sleeping is about me. My son can sleep on his own and he has. I wasn’t able to breastfeed and wanted that close bond tahr I didn’t through breastfeeding. My husband has been very supportive and understanding. He has said many times lately we need to move our son to his own room if we want to have a second child. He is not going to feel like a speak donor. He’s very affectionate and loves to cuddle. He has not been getting that.

I’ve been afraid to leave my son in my bed alone so I go to bed with him at 8 when he does. That doesn’t leave much time with my husband. He said he does not want a second child if this will happen again.

I’m going to move our son into his bed tonight. It’s right next door to ours. I realize I have been selfish. We have only been together for 3 years and we are older ( 38 and 40) which is why we want to try for a second child now.

I mean this as kindly as possible:

This is not normal behavior and you are heading for divorce. He is telling you his needs — kindly and patiently — and you need to hear them. They are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I admit that co-sleeping is about me. My son can sleep on his own and he has. I wasn’t able to breastfeed and wanted that close bond tahr I didn’t through breastfeeding. My husband has been very supportive and understanding. He has said many times lately we need to move our son to his own room if we want to have a second child. He is not going to feel like a speak donor. He’s very affectionate and loves to cuddle. He has not been getting that.

I’ve been afraid to leave my son in my bed alone so I go to bed with him at 8 when he does. That doesn’t leave much time with my husband. He said he does not want a second child if this will happen again.

I’m going to move our son into his bed tonight. It’s right next door to ours. I realize I have been selfish. We have only been together for 3 years and we are older ( 38 and 40) which is why we want to try for a second child now.

I want you to take this in the spirit it is meant which is kindness, but please consider some therapy about your first 2 paragraphs. Please don't judge yourself or feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed your son. Your son was fed. Your son is loved by both is parents. He is not at any disadvantage. You are not a failure as a mom and you not being able to breastfeed is not something you should hold even an ounce of guilt over.

[Anonymous]

Slightly off-topic but I truly believe Fed Is Best has been on of the most detrimental public health initiatives of the last century. We are sacrificing women's mental health and self esteem for questionable-at-best benefits. I hope this nonsense ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off-topic but I truly believe Fed Is Best has been on of the most detrimental public health initiatives of the last century. We are sacrificing women's mental health and self esteem for questionable-at-best benefits. I hope this nonsense ends.

I think you mean Breast is Breast, and I agree. I think the initial intentions behind it were good, because breastfeeding shouldn't be seen as shameful and weird, but it's morphed into something entirely different that's not at all about supporting mums and babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off-topic but I truly believe Fed Is Best has been on of the most detrimental public health initiatives of the last century. We are sacrificing women's mental health and self esteem for questionable-at-best benefits. I hope this nonsense ends.

I think you mean Breast is Breast, and I agree. I think the initial intentions behind it were good, because breastfeeding shouldn't be seen as shameful and weird, but it's morphed into something entirely different that's not at all about supporting mums and babies.

They've actually found some of the "baby friendly" stuff actually ends up risking babies. Like they acted like any formula would ruin breastfeeding forever when I wasij the hospital. Then I met a lactation consultant who actually knew what she was doing and she helped me formula supplement when my milk was slow to come in. And after that my son breastfed for over a year.. The absolutism on breast feeding probably pushes women off of breastfeeding because you think you have failed at it if your baby needs any formula when that is just not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off-topic but I truly believe Fed Is Best has been on of the most detrimental public health initiatives of the last century. We are sacrificing women's mental health and self esteem for questionable-at-best benefits. I hope this nonsense ends.

I think you mean Breast is Breast, and I agree. I think the initial intentions behind it were good, because breastfeeding shouldn't be seen as shameful and weird, but it's morphed into something entirely different that's not at all about supporting mums and babies.

They've actually found some of the "baby friendly" stuff actually ends up risking babies. Like they acted like any formula would ruin breastfeeding forever when I wasij the hospital. Then I met a lactation consultant who actually knew what she was doing and she helped me formula supplement when my milk was slow to come in. And after that my son breastfed for over a year.. The absolutism on breast feeding probably pushes women off of breastfeeding because you think you have failed at it if your baby needs any formula when that is just not true.

.I feel the same about women who feel like they failed for having a C-section. I loved the Business of Being Born at the time, and I do think it helped bring to light some issues in our health care system, but a decade later I wonder if these initiatives have caused more harm than good. Maternal-child health needs drastic reforms in this country and absolutism and extremism is not helping.

[Anonymous]

OP, YOUR SON needs you to be in a health marriage -more- than he needs you to sleep with him. Husband & wife sleeping together. Normal. Expected. Do it.

[Anonymous]

The anti- cosleeping is an American thing. I am from another country and co-sleeping is the norm. We still have sex with our husbands, but often don’t sleep together. My DH and I have not slept in the same bed much since our first was born. We have sex plenty(at least 3 times a week) and we have 3 kids. Once the baby stops waking up at night (usually around 2), we will move him with his Sisters so he is not sleeping alone. We always co-slept for as long as our kids wanted/needed it (right around 2/2,5). It not an issue in our relationship at all. I feel horrible for the kids that are left alone to cry. THAT is not acceptable where I come from.

So OP... if the issue is the lack of sex then HAVE sex with your DH before bed... if it’s a better or principle (which I really don’t get), then try to change your husband perspective. Kids are not meant to sleep alone!!!! Why should a grown man not want to sleep alone, but a baby yes?!?! Makes absolutely no sense to me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The anti- cosleeping is an American thing. I am from another country and co-sleeping is the norm. We still have sex with our husbands, but often don’t sleep together. My DH and I have not slept in the same bed much since our first was born. We have sex plenty(at least 3 times a week) and we have 3 kids. Once the baby stops waking up at night (usually around 2), we will move him with his Sisters so he is not sleeping alone. We always co-slept for as long as our kids wanted/needed it (right around 2/2,5). It not an issue in our relationship at all. I feel horrible for the kids that are left alone to cry. THAT is not acceptable where I come from.

So OP... if the issue is the lack of sex then HAVE sex with your DH before bed... if it’s a better or principle (which I really don’t get), then try to change your husband perspective. Kids are not meant to sleep alone!!!! Why should a grown man not want to sleep alone, but a baby yes?!?! Makes absolutely no sense to me...

Read the thread. It's not about to cosleep or not to cosleep. It's about OP using cosleeping to makeup for not breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The anti- cosleeping is an American thing. I am from another country and co-sleeping is the norm. We still have sex with our husbands, but often don’t sleep together. My DH and I have not slept in the same bed much since our first was born. We have sex plenty(at least 3 times a week) and we have 3 kids. Once the baby stops waking up at night (usually around 2), we will move him with his Sisters so he is not sleeping alone. We always co-slept for as long as our kids wanted/needed it (right around 2/2,5). It not an issue in our relationship at all. I feel horrible for the kids that are left alone to cry. THAT is not acceptable where I come from.

So OP... if the issue is the lack of sex then HAVE sex with your DH before bed... if it’s a better or principle (which I really don’t get), then try to change your husband perspective. Kids are not meant to sleep alone!!!! Why should a grown man not want to sleep alone, but a baby yes?!?! Makes absolutely no sense to me...

Read the thread. It's not about to cosleep or not to cosleep. It's about OP using cosleeping to makeup for not breastfeeding.

OP is also going to bed at 8PM every night, so the husband is spending his evenings alone. Do they ever get any time alone together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Marital bed is a nice phrase for sex. They can have sex elsewhere. If it is about intimacy thats a separate issue. Also not all successful couples share beds.

+1

Your husband is jealous, and wants to tell himself that his son is 'fine' and that he (your DH) 'needs you more' ! Your husband is a grown man who is not as emotionally mature as he thinks he is. He's had however many years to learn to self-soothe and he still can't? You're not his teddy bear. You are his wife and you're also your and his son's mother. This is how all the corrosive man-up & competitive stuff starts.

You can have sex elsewhere. but why should you, when the bedroom is a perfectly reasonable place.

I also challenge the idea that marital bed is all about sex, some of my best, most vulnerable, and deepest conversations have occurred at bedtime.

OP has said her son does not need the cosleeping, she does it because she feels guilty about not breastfeeding, that to me is a toxic motherhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The anti- cosleeping is an American thing. I am from another country and co-sleeping is the norm. We still have sex with our husbands, but often don’t sleep together. My DH and I have not slept in the same bed much since our first was born. We have sex plenty(at least 3 times a week) and we have 3 kids. Once the baby stops waking up at night (usually around 2), we will move him with his Sisters so he is not sleeping alone. We always co-slept for as long as our kids wanted/needed it (right around 2/2,5). It not an issue in our relationship at all. I feel horrible for the kids that are left alone to cry. THAT is not acceptable where I come from.

So OP... if the issue is the lack of sex then HAVE sex with your DH before bed... if it’s a better or principle (which I really don’t get), then try to change your husband perspective. Kids are not meant to sleep alone!!!! Why should a grown man not want to sleep alone, but a baby yes?!?! Makes absolutely no sense to me...

Read the thread. It's not about to cosleep or not to cosleep. It's about OP using cosleeping to makeup for not breastfeeding.

OP is also going to bed at 8PM every night, so the husband is spending his evenings alone. Do they ever get any time alone together?

She also says he's a good dad, so I'm going to assume their days revolve entirely around the child, and she wants to add another child to the mix. Cosleeping or not, not carving out couple time is asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

So during a pandemic, she ditches her husband every night at 8. What a crock! She is lucky her DH didn't hit the bricks.

OP is terrible wife. And you don't deserve a second child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So during a pandemic, she ditches her husband every night at 8. What a crock! She is lucky her DH didn't hit the bricks.

OP is terrible wife. And you don't deserve a second child.

PP, you are a horrible person. Your poor mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So during a pandemic, she ditches her husband every night at 8. What a crock! She is lucky her DH didn't hit the bricks.

OP is terrible wife. And you don't deserve a second child.

PP, you are a horrible person. Your poor mother.

No, I'm a truth teller. And happily married for decades because I prioritize my marriage.