Kids who dominate adult conversations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

Instead, pp, why don’t you take some parenting classes. No one wants to hear your kids prattle on as much as you let them.

NP. I think some adults get insecure when a kid is smarter than them in a conversation

Bingo. This is it. A lot of adults (on this board) who never dealt with their insecurity issues and it comes up when they have to deal with particularly bright kids

(And no, I dont have kids and am not doing this with "my children". Just an unbiased psychology observation)

I haven’t read this entire thread, so perhaps my comment is out of context. But this thought is really deserving of its own thread, and has nothing to do with teaching children how to behave in a polite and respectful manner. Teachers would be able to do so much more with their day if we gave them a good foundation at home.

And yes, there are some parents intimidated by smart children, I’ve seen it and it is utterly ridiculous and pathetic. If my child shares something I didn’t know, or another kid is super smart, I tell them so! And encourage them to never be afraid of being smart, even if others don’t want to be. But that is totally different from interrupting and being a participant in adult conversations. By default every conversation with a child immediately is dominated to a pg rating. I love my child but I don’t expect everyone else to love her the way I do. The rules are for them, to empower and protect them.

Yep. So many people have generalized jealous/envy issues, and they'll find almost anyway to justify it, up to and including justifying telling a little child "No one is interested in you and no one cares what you think." As absurd as it may seem to be jealous of a child, these people feel a deep sense of shame (because they know they're a little "off"- as anyone is who feels anger and resentment at a cute little kid babbling about a cat or whatever) and deep insecurity issues- so it can manifest towards literally anyone. Not to mention, successful/bright kids often grow up to be successful/bright adults.

That little girl that's always chattering away to everyone? Probably will go on to be fairly popular in school and know everyone. She's already got better social skills than the majority of people on this board ever will- and it will only get better as they age. Now, a lot of these envious types have un-dealt with trauma from feeling excluded and "less than" in middle school, high school, college, adulthood, etc. Instead of getting therapy or working through it healthy, they're just going through life with that trauma, throwing it at everyone else. And while the socially skilled, most popular woman at work won't tolerate any of their BS, and would surely smush them under their shoe like a bug, a child is an easy target, way more vulnerable. So the losers with unaddressed trauma can feel that they successfully defeated a mean popular girl, even if it's really a sweet child. Pathologically sad and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I admit I have had an overall general struggle with the children of this family and yes- maybe it's because I don't know how to set some gentle boundaries without seeming rude. They are always pushing my boundaries and are very outspoken.

As an example, last year, when I had all of her kids over - the older child kept roaming around all over the house into bedrooms, attics, opening closet doors. I guess exploring a new house, and very curious, but I was like ummm... can you please stay downstairs and out of the bedrooms? "Why can't I go in there?" "I'd just like you to stay downstairs." "Why" etc...

And another one of the children has often been extremely rude to me - things like mocking me, or after serving dinner, saying things like "this tastes awful, why did you make this?" To the extent that I was pretty appalled because I've never had another child speak to me like that before (apart from our own kids lol). And I just tell them point blank - "That was extremely rude." And I actually think the youngest is adorable and hilarious, but always wants to be the center of the conversation, and maybe the toughest to manage without offending because I realize they are still just learning.

I see a lot of this. Between this and social norms in 2020, we are going to be a nation of narcissists if we don’t course correct with the basics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

Instead, pp, why don’t you take some parenting classes. No one wants to hear your kids prattle on as much as you let them.

NP. I think some adults get insecure when a kid is smarter than them in a conversation

Bingo. This is it. A lot of adults (on this board) who never dealt with their insecurity issues and it comes up when they have to deal with particularly bright kids

(And no, I dont have kids and am not doing this with "my children". Just an unbiased psychology observation)

I haven’t read this entire thread, so perhaps my comment is out of context. But this thought is really deserving of its own thread, and has nothing to do with teaching children how to behave in a polite and respectful manner. Teachers would be able to do so much more with their day if we gave them a good foundation at home.

And yes, there are some parents intimidated by smart children, I’ve seen it and it is utterly ridiculous and pathetic. If my child shares something I didn’t know, or another kid is super smart, I tell them so! And encourage them to never be afraid of being smart, even if others don’t want to be. But that is totally different from interrupting and being a participant in adult conversations. By default every conversation with a child immediately is dominated to a pg rating. I love my child but I don’t expect everyone else to love her the way I do. The rules are for them, to empower and protect them.

Yep. So many people have generalized jealous/envy issues, and they'll find almost anyway to justify it, up to and including justifying telling a little child "No one is interested in you and no one cares what you think." As absurd as it may seem to be jealous of a child, these people feel a deep sense of shame (because they know they're a little "off"- as anyone is who feels anger and resentment at a cute little kid babbling about a cat or whatever) and deep insecurity issues- so it can manifest towards literally anyone. Not to mention, successful/bright kids often grow up to be successful/bright adults.

That little girl that's always chattering away to everyone? Probably will go on to be fairly popular in school and know everyone. She's already got better social skills than the majority of people on this board ever will- and it will only get better as they age. Now, a lot of these envious types have un-dealt with trauma from feeling excluded and "less than" in middle school, high school, college, adulthood, etc. Instead of getting therapy or working through it healthy, they're just going through life with that trauma, throwing it at everyone else. And while the socially skilled, most popular woman at work won't tolerate any of their BS, and would surely smush them under their shoe like a bug, a child is an easy target, way more vulnerable. So the losers with unaddressed trauma can feel that they successfully defeated a mean popular girl, even if it's really a sweet child. Pathologically sad and stupid.

So unfair for any person to be subjected to mistreatment because of someone else’s pain. But it is heartbreaking to me when it happens to children. Children enter this life with a pure heart. We should fiercely protect it, not pollute it or mismanage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.

Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do. Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!) occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.

You sound seriously insane and maybe mentally ill.

Your response actually is scary.... obey, I'm told I am the best mommy,

Your spelling shows you are from a different country so I will chalk it up to that and not that you are mommy dearest.

Lol, okay. I don’t take offense with your inaccurate observation. You should delve into why you have such a knee jerk reaction to obey. And I wouldn’t joke about something that I already expressed, I was abused by disciplinarians. And maybe you should try kindness since you wrapped it all up with an I suit that bordered racism.

Don't listen to the PP above. Her child is probably running and screaming all over Walmart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

It’s really not.

Normal kids prefer to play with other kids, not sit and engage in adult conversations for hours. I’m not saying you should let it go, just that maybe OP’s kids are happily playing with other children instead of talking to adults about the 18 different kinds of wolf spiders because they are wired differently, not because she is a superior parent who wouldn’t tolerate that behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

It’s really not.

Normal kids prefer to play with other kids, not sit and engage in adult conversations for hours. I’m not saying you should let it go, just that maybe OP’s kids are happily playing with other children instead of talking to adults about the 18 different kinds of wolf spiders because they are wired differently, not because she is a superior parent who wouldn’t tolerate that behavior.

Plenty of super smart kids prefer to talk to adults rather than kids. My sister was very smart and taught herself to read at 3. She's very social though and loves to talk, but she was far above the intellectual level of other kids her age. Now she's a well adjusted adult with impeccable social skills and a high paying job- probably because she spent a lot of time engaging with and learning from adults. She had plenty of friends her own age too, but she could have conversations with people older who were more intellectually compatible with her. Contrast that to many of the people on here who were ordered not to talk to adults and have admited mental health issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

It’s really not.

Normal kids prefer to play with other kids, not sit and engage in adult conversations for hours. I’m not saying you should let it go, just that maybe OP’s kids are happily playing with other children instead of talking to adults about the 18 different kinds of wolf spiders because they are wired differently, not because she is a superior parent who wouldn’t tolerate that behavior.

Plenty of super smart kids prefer to talk to adults rather than kids. My sister was very smart and taught herself to read at 3. She's very social though and loves to talk, but she was far above the intellectual level of other kids her age. Now she's a well adjusted adult with impeccable social skills and a high paying job- probably because she spent a lot of time engaging with and learning from adults. She had plenty of friends her own age too, but she could have conversations with people older who were more intellectually compatible with her. Contrast that to many of the people on here who were ordered not to talk to adults and have admited mental health issues

Let me repeat what has already been said, NO ONE ELSE THINKS YOUR KID IS SUPER SMART. We do think both your kid and you have no manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

It’s really not.

Normal kids prefer to play with other kids, not sit and engage in adult conversations for hours. I’m not saying you should let it go, just that maybe OP’s kids are happily playing with other children instead of talking to adults about the 18 different kinds of wolf spiders because they are wired differently, not because she is a superior parent who wouldn’t tolerate that behavior.

Plenty of super smart kids prefer to talk to adults rather than kids. My sister was very smart and taught herself to read at 3. She's very social though and loves to talk, but she was far above the intellectual level of other kids her age. Now she's a well adjusted adult with impeccable social skills and a high paying job- probably because she spent a lot of time engaging with and learning from adults. She had plenty of friends her own age too, but she could have conversations with people older who were more intellectually compatible with her. Contrast that to many of the people on here who were ordered not to talk to adults and have admited mental health issues

Let me repeat what has already been said, NO ONE ELSE THINKS YOUR KID IS SUPER SMART. We do think both your kid and you have no manners.

Let me inform you of something: WHAT YOU THINK DOES NOT MATTER. There are objective tests of intelligence. You approving or disapproving is irrelevant. Because you are not the judge, jury, or authority figure IN ANY WAY. Got it?

[Anonymous]

I love one-sided conversations with demeaning people who misread comments through their biased lenses.

Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Almost like a kid in an adult conversation, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Almost like a kid in an adult conversation, amirite?

LOL, good one. Imagine being a child trying to talk about dinosaurs or whatever and you get rained on by these dark cloud depressive losers. Dreadful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

It’s really not.

Normal kids prefer to play with other kids, not sit and engage in adult conversations for hours. I’m not saying you should let it go, just that maybe OP’s kids are happily playing with other children instead of talking to adults about the 18 different kinds of wolf spiders because they are wired differently, not because she is a superior parent who wouldn’t tolerate that behavior.

Plenty of super smart kids prefer to talk to adults rather than kids. My sister was very smart and taught herself to read at 3. She's very social though and loves to talk, but she was far above the intellectual level of other kids her age. Now she's a well adjusted adult with impeccable social skills and a high paying job- probably because she spent a lot of time engaging with and learning from adults. She had plenty of friends her own age too, but she could have conversations with people older who were more intellectually compatible with her. Contrast that to many of the people on here who were ordered not to talk to adults and have admited mental health issues

Let me repeat what has already been said, NO ONE ELSE THINKS YOUR KID IS SUPER SMART. We do think both your kid and you have no manners.

Let me inform you of something: WHAT YOU THINK DOES NOT MATTER. There are objective tests of intelligence. You approving or disapproving is irrelevant. Because you are not the judge, jury, or authority figure IN ANY WAY. Got it?

HONEY, when your special snowflake is talking to me, yes, I am the one judging. When your child is interrupiting the teachers at school, it affects my child so I'm going to say something. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost like a kid in an adult conversation, amirite?

LOL, good one. Imagine being a child trying to talk about dinosaurs or whatever and you get rained on by these dark cloud depressive losers. Dreadful

God, you all are so clueless. You are raising a generation of idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost like a kid in an adult conversation, amirite?

LOL, good one. Imagine being a child trying to talk about dinosaurs or whatever and you get rained on by these dark cloud depressive losers. Dreadful

[Anonymous]

Literally, you are the authority over your child. Literally. The authority that is superior to every other authority outside of the law that you subject yourself to.

Signed,
Someone who has no dog in this fight