Kids who dominate adult conversations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My kids happen to be excellent conversationalists. Even better, they know when to speak, when to be quiet, and how to assert themselves without dominating a conversation.
In other words, the skills they need to get good feedback from other people.

The are plenty of opportunities to speak when they are wanted. But the #1 skill in life is knowing when you are wanted and when you aren't. The world doesn't revolve around your "genius" kid and it never will.

Geniuses are a dime a dozen. Geniuses with good social skills are extremely successful.

Maybe they are "excellent conversationalists" now, with their schoolgroup. That's a far cry from being excellent conversationalists at, say, a state dinner, or at an elite college, or at a formal dinner with VIPs. If you want to prepare your kid to truly feel comfortable in every social situation, conversing with adults is a great way to do it.

And hey, it's important to remember that kids develop at different rates. Certain kids are happy to play with play-doh and play tag until they're 14. Certain kids can be having conversations about civil war history at 6. Some kids can do both. But there is no need to try to stifle a child's development, and, if you do- you might admit that parenting is not your forte.

My child can talk about many topics. DC can read about something and can remember all of it and discuss it thoroughly. It is impressive. DC is only 8 years old and has the vocabulary of many adults. If you don’t want to listen to my DC speak, you can leave. If you want to discuss “adult topics” my house, with my kids present, you are not welcome to do so. No one wants to discuss your silly sex life or other vacuous topics that you find so interesting.

Yup one right here. In a few years your 8 yo will be a lonely 13 yo.

And that awkward child as an adult will be operating on your diseased brain or finding a new treatments for cancer, while your DC will be sitting in a cubicle or playing Fortnight.

DP. Oh please. That awkward child is just as likely, if not more so, of becoming the weird guy in the office who seems smart but doesn't know how to interact with his colleagues or clients and doesn't have the EQ to rise up through the ranks.

Really. Do you actually know any successful surgeons, scientists, etc.? In general, these types of people tend to not possess great social skills, probably due to having higher IQs. Many of these people were socially awkward kids.

Yes and you are incorrect. The top scientists start their own companies, especially in biomed. Most of the biomed $ comes from VC, so the ability to sell your idea, be charming, work the network is crucial in obtaining financing. There's a limited pot of money and everyone is competing for it. At bigger companies (Abbott, Merk) is corporation as usual even for scientists, so the ability to get ahead and get promoted is directly related to the social network, like everywhere. For regular doctors (peds, family doctors, ob-gyns, dentists), the ability to relate with the patients in order to keep their business is crucial. For some other practices, like dermatology and plastic surgery, marketing is everything. I'm not even getting into what it takes to become a MCO at any medical company or big chain, like Inova. The only place in medicine for anti-social people is radiology, but good luck getting hired first. And the highest IQ levels are correlated with more anxiety and mood disorders and ASD, so the truly genius people would not make great surgeons anyway. These unsocial kids are the ones playing video games in a basement and have the potential to commit mass murders; the other ones are playing sports and learning how to deal with disappointments, working in teams, navigate social interactions, communicating with others to get what they want. NP here with 3 generations in medicine.

From Allen J Bard, and this guy is SMART: I think the best advice is if you want to be successful, you have to work very hard. Hard work and your personality and the way you approach the world is more important than your fundamental intelligence. I have seen a lot of very smart people not succeed in what they wanted to do, and I have seen a lot of people who weren't that smart do very, very well.

Well, how about Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, they are/were real social butterflies, prom kings probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids happen to be excellent conversationalists. Even better, they know when to speak, when to be quiet, and how to assert themselves without dominating a conversation.
In other words, the skills they need to get good feedback from other people.

The are plenty of opportunities to speak when they are wanted. But the #1 skill in life is knowing when you are wanted and when you aren't. The world doesn't revolve around your "genius" kid and it never will.

Geniuses are a dime a dozen. Geniuses with good social skills are extremely successful.

Maybe they are "excellent conversationalists" now, with their schoolgroup. That's a far cry from being excellent conversationalists at, say, a state dinner, or at an elite college, or at a formal dinner with VIPs. If you want to prepare your kid to truly feel comfortable in every social situation, conversing with adults is a great way to do it.

And hey, it's important to remember that kids develop at different rates. Certain kids are happy to play with play-doh and play tag until they're 14. Certain kids can be having conversations about civil war history at 6. Some kids can do both. But there is no need to try to stifle a child's development, and, if you do- you might admit that parenting is not your forte.

My child can talk about many topics. DC can read about something and can remember all of it and discuss it thoroughly. It is impressive. DC is only 8 years old and has the vocabulary of many adults. If you don’t want to listen to my DC speak, you can leave. If you want to discuss “adult topics” my house, with my kids present, you are not welcome to do so. No one wants to discuss your silly sex life or other vacuous topics that you find so interesting.

Yup one right here. In a few years your 8 yo will be a lonely 13 yo.

And that awkward child as an adult will be operating on your diseased brain or finding a new treatments for cancer, while your DC will be sitting in a cubicle or playing Fortnight.

DP. Oh please. That awkward child is just as likely, if not more so, of becoming the weird guy in the office who seems smart but doesn't know how to interact with his colleagues or clients and doesn't have the EQ to rise up through the ranks.

Really. Do you actually know any successful surgeons, scientists, etc.? In general, these types of people tend to not possess great social skills, probably due to having higher IQs. Many of these people were socially awkward kids.

Yes and you are incorrect. The top scientists start their own companies, especially in biomed. Most of the biomed $ comes from VC, so the ability to sell your idea, be charming, work the network is crucial in obtaining financing. There's a limited pot of money and everyone is competing for it. At bigger companies (Abbott, Merk) is corporation as usual even for scientists, so the ability to get ahead and get promoted is directly related to the social network, like everywhere. For regular doctors (peds, family doctors, ob-gyns, dentists), the ability to relate with the patients in order to keep their business is crucial. For some other practices, like dermatology and plastic surgery, marketing is everything. I'm not even getting into what it takes to become a MCO at any medical company or big chain, like Inova. The only place in medicine for anti-social people is radiology, but good luck getting hired first. And the highest IQ levels are correlated with more anxiety and mood disorders and ASD, so the truly genius people would not make great surgeons anyway. These unsocial kids are the ones playing video games in a basement and have the potential to commit mass murders; the other ones are playing sports and learning how to deal with disappointments, working in teams, navigate social interactions, communicating with others to get what they want. NP here with 3 generations in medicine.

From Allen J Bard, and this guy is SMART: I think the best advice is if you want to be successful, you have to work very hard. Hard work and your personality and the way you approach the world is more important than your fundamental intelligence. I have seen a lot of very smart people not succeed in what they wanted to do, and I have seen a lot of people who weren't that smart do very, very well.

Well, how about Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, they are/were real social butterflies, prom kings probably.

The PP asked about scientists and surgeons, not business men. Elon was selling candy door to door as a child and sold a video game he created at 12, so he's always been great at marketing. He's not antisocial.

[Anonymous]

How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long of a conversation are we talking here? Does the child never leave to play with the other kids? How long should a child talk to adults before it becomes rude and annoying, what is the limit? I suppose if the child never leaves the adults to play, then it may be an issue.

The key is in the title of the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

So? Just because it's developmentally normal doesn't mean it doesn't need to be corrected. That's basically the entire premise of parenting.

Please, could someone recommend a way to deter my DC from trying to converse with adults? He is extremely affable with both children and adults, and now I am wondering if our adult friends find him rude and annoying? If we adults are talking I do try to divert his attention and tell him to go play, which he usually does, but not always. Should I just tell him to quit talking to the adults or else we are leaving because he is so rude and inconsiderate?

He doesn't need to avoid adults entirely, but he does need to develop the skill of reading when someone is uncomfortable with or trying to end/redirect a conversation.

The simplest place to start is to ask him how he would know if someone didn't want to talk to him, or wanted to end the conversation> Take what he says and go from there. It's a learning process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

HAHAHA you are so clueless. I work with plenty of young people who were never told they aren't all that and who think that every brain-haired idea they have is brilliant. Who do you think these kids grow up to be if you don't teach them manners?

I think YOU think very highly of yourself if you are raising a kid who is just welcome to interrupt adults any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

So? Just because it's developmentally normal doesn't mean it doesn't need to be corrected. That's basically the entire premise of parenting.

Please, could someone recommend a way to deter my DC from trying to converse with adults? He is extremely affable with both children and adults, and now I am wondering if our adult friends find him rude and annoying? If we adults are talking I do try to divert his attention and tell him to go play, which he usually does, but not always. Should I just tell him to quit talking to the adults or else we are leaving because he is so rude and inconsiderate?

He doesn't need to avoid adults entirely, but he does need to develop the skill of reading when someone is uncomfortable with or trying to end/redirect a conversation.

The simplest place to start is to ask him how he would know if someone didn't want to talk to him, or wanted to end the conversation> Take what he says and go from there. It's a learning process.

Sometimes I can’t even tell when someone isn’t interested in what I am saying, honestly. How can I expect my child to do so? I am not a very social person, I wouldn’t call myself awkward, but I am not extroverted. Social interaction exhausts me more than if I ran 10 miles. My child probably takes after me. I am a very successful person though, even though I hate socializing I still force myself to. I guess it’s a learning curve, I learned how to not stand out as a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

No one taught me manners as a child. My parents pretty much neglected teaching us any etiquette or manners, however somehow I learned. Not even sure how, I guess by trial and error. Now, I can fit in with pretty much any group and hold a conversation as well as anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

HAHAHA you are so clueless. I work with plenty of young people who were never told they aren't all that and who think that every brain-haired idea they have is brilliant. Who do you think these kids grow up to be if you don't teach them manners?

I think YOU think very highly of yourself if you are raising a kid who is just welcome to interrupt adults any time.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a result of bad parenting. The millenials I work with are the most obnoxious, entitled idiots I have ever met. And I can guarantee that they had more involved parents than many more humble individuals. I think the younger generations as a whole were taught in school or social media that they are special and can do no wrong. It’s not all the parents’ fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

HAHAHA you are so clueless. I work with plenty of young people who were never told they aren't all that and who think that every brain-haired idea they have is brilliant. Who do you think these kids grow up to be if you don't teach them manners?

I think YOU think very highly of yourself if you are raising a kid who is just welcome to interrupt adults any time.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a result of bad parenting. The millenials I work with are the most obnoxious, entitled idiots I have ever met. And I can guarantee that they had more involved parents than many more humble individuals. I think the younger generations as a whole were taught in school or social media that they are special and can do no wrong. It’s not all the parents’ fault.

It's all confidence and no skill or talent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

HAHAHA you are so clueless. I work with plenty of young people who were never told they aren't all that and who think that every brain-haired idea they have is brilliant. Who do you think these kids grow up to be if you don't teach them manners?

I think YOU think very highly of yourself if you are raising a kid who is just welcome to interrupt adults any time.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a result of bad parenting. The millenials I work with are the most obnoxious, entitled idiots I have ever met. And I can guarantee that they had more involved parents than many more humble individuals. I think the younger generations as a whole were taught in school or social media that they are special and can do no wrong. It’s not all the parents’ fault.

It's all confidence and no skill or talent.

I think all the advice on here telling parents to teach their kids boundaries and how to read emotions is great, but maybe also a little over the top. Let the kid figure it out on their own. They will learn sooner or later if they are annoying people. Maybe this is part of the millennials problem, they never had to figure anything out on their own, parents always stepping in to teach a lesson. Sometimes it’s a hard life lesson to have someone tell you to shut up, but hey, next time maybe you’ll stop talking so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

HAHAHA you are so clueless. I work with plenty of young people who were never told they aren't all that and who think that every brain-haired idea they have is brilliant. Who do you think these kids grow up to be if you don't teach them manners?

I think YOU think very highly of yourself if you are raising a kid who is just welcome to interrupt adults any time.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a result of bad parenting. The millenials I work with are the most obnoxious, entitled idiots I have ever met. And I can guarantee that they had more involved parents than many more humble individuals. I think the younger generations as a whole were taught in school or social media that they are special and can do no wrong. It’s not all the parents’ fault.

It's all confidence and no skill or talent.

I think all the advice on here telling parents to teach their kids boundaries and how to read emotions is great, but maybe also a little over the top. Let the kid figure it out on their own. They will learn sooner or later if they are annoying people. Maybe this is part of the millennials problem, they never had to figure anything out on their own, parents always stepping in to teach a lesson. Sometimes it’s a hard life lesson to have someone tell you to shut up, but hey, next time maybe you’ll stop talking so much.

Agree to a point. But it all starts at home. I think this insane individualism has created a whole generation of people who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Everyone is special, everyone is smart, everyone can make it on their own. It's just not so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

HAHAHA you are so clueless. I work with plenty of young people who were never told they aren't all that and who think that every brain-haired idea they have is brilliant. Who do you think these kids grow up to be if you don't teach them manners?

I think YOU think very highly of yourself if you are raising a kid who is just welcome to interrupt adults any time.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a result of bad parenting. The millenials I work with are the most obnoxious, entitled idiots I have ever met. And I can guarantee that they had more involved parents than many more humble individuals. I think the younger generations as a whole were taught in school or social media that they are special and can do no wrong. It’s not all the parents’ fault.

It's all confidence and no skill or talent.

I think all the advice on here telling parents to teach their kids boundaries and how to read emotions is great, but maybe also a little over the top. Let the kid figure it out on their own. They will learn sooner or later if they are annoying people. Maybe this is part of the millennials problem, they never had to figure anything out on their own, parents always stepping in to teach a lesson. Sometimes it’s a hard life lesson to have someone tell you to shut up, but hey, next time maybe you’ll stop talking so much.

Agree to a point. But it all starts at home. I think this insane individualism has created a whole generation of people who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Everyone is special, everyone is smart, everyone can make it on their own. It's just not so.

Part of this is that it’s frowned upon to discipline kids, some kids require being spanked. That’s totally looked down upon now and while some kids respond to time outs and calm voices, others need stricter discipline. I think it’s a lose lose situation for parents with unruly energetic kids today.