Kids who dominate adult conversations

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How do you prevent an awkward child from becoming that weirdo living in their parents’ basement? It’s not always the parents’ fault, what if they have tried everything and the child is still awkward and prefers adult conversation? What do you do?

You set boundaries and teach them manners.

Because one day they will be in the workforce and won't be able to just waltz into the CEO's office to show how smart they are.

They wouldn't do that. Also, what a strange metaphor. You must think very highly of yourself

HAHAHA you are so clueless. I work with plenty of young people who were never told they aren't all that and who think that every brain-haired idea they have is brilliant. Who do you think these kids grow up to be if you don't teach them manners?

I think YOU think very highly of yourself if you are raising a kid who is just welcome to interrupt adults any time.

I think this is more of a generational thing than a result of bad parenting. The millenials I work with are the most obnoxious, entitled idiots I have ever met. And I can guarantee that they had more involved parents than many more humble individuals. I think the younger generations as a whole were taught in school or social media that they are special and can do no wrong. It’s not all the parents’ fault.

It's all confidence and no skill or talent.

I think all the advice on here telling parents to teach their kids boundaries and how to read emotions is great, but maybe also a little over the top. Let the kid figure it out on their own. They will learn sooner or later if they are annoying people. Maybe this is part of the millennials problem, they never had to figure anything out on their own, parents always stepping in to teach a lesson. Sometimes it’s a hard life lesson to have someone tell you to shut up, but hey, next time maybe you’ll stop talking so much.

Agree to a point. But it all starts at home. I think this insane individualism has created a whole generation of people who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Everyone is special, everyone is smart, everyone can make it on their own. It's just not so.

“Children; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. They no longer rise when elders enter the room, they contradict their parents and tyrannize their teachers. Children are now tyrants.”-Socrates

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but kids need to be taught boundaries. And it takes a village. I cannot stand the PC-ness in the US that only a kid's teacher and parent can talk to a kid. Such stupidity.....we are currently in Europe and luckily it is not like that over here. If the kid interrupts the adult conversation all the time, the mother should teach her kid that it's not ok to do that. Mommy needs her adult time once-in-a while.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here and I used one of the suggestions and came equipped with a little scavenger hunt for the kids and it worked brilliantly. I had my kids help come up with the list, and even the older child got involved. Adults had more time to have some kid-free talk. Thanks to PP with the suggestion. It also helped to have an activity that could be more inclusive for all the kids instead of leaving some kids out.

This thread kind of devolved into something else entirely that I didn't expect.... I'm not into ignoring kids. I don't think anyone was suggesting that. And I don't think just because your kid is a "genius" that means that everyone needs to cater to their intellect and include them in your conversations with subjects that interest them.

That was my suggestion!! I am oddly flattered and honored that a DCUM comment of mine was successful!!!
Glad to hear everything worked out for you! In between the crazy, there are some nuggets of good advice to be found on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but kids need to be taught boundaries. And it takes a village. I cannot stand the PC-ness in the US that only a kid's teacher and parent can talk to a kid. Such stupidity.....we are currently in Europe and luckily it is not like that over here. If the kid interrupts the adult conversation all the time, the mother should teach her kid that it's not ok to do that. Mommy needs her adult time once-in-a while.

Ahh the DCUM worship of Europe returns. Just because it happens in Europe doesn’t make it right!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

So? Just because it's developmentally normal doesn't mean it doesn't need to be corrected. That's basically the entire premise of parenting.

Please, could someone recommend a way to deter my DC from trying to converse with adults? He is extremely affable with both children and adults, and now I am wondering if our adult friends find him rude and annoying? If we adults are talking I do try to divert his attention and tell him to go play, which he usually does, but not always. Should I just tell him to quit talking to the adults or else we are leaving because he is so rude and inconsiderate?

He doesn't need to avoid adults entirely, but he does need to develop the skill of reading when someone is uncomfortable with or trying to end/redirect a conversation.

The simplest place to start is to ask him how he would know if someone didn't want to talk to him, or wanted to end the conversation> Take what he says and go from there. It's a learning process.

Sometimes I can’t even tell when someone isn’t interested in what I am saying, honestly. How can I expect my child to do so? I am not a very social person, I wouldn’t call myself awkward, but I am not extroverted. Social interaction exhausts me more than if I ran 10 miles. My child probably takes after me. I am a very successful person though, even though I hate socializing I still force myself to. I guess it’s a learning curve, I learned how to not stand out as a weirdo.

Okay. If he can't pick up obvious cues and you can't understand enough to explain it to him, then he need to learn a set limit, like "5 minutes" or "3 times you say more than one sentence" (for him, it's when approaching adults already in conversation; for you, this would be in a "mingle/cocktail chatter" setting, not a dinner with close friends). That's not nuanced, but if you don't get nuance, then you have to work with what you have.

You and he may cut short some conversations that way, but it is better than overstaying. Hopefully he'll learn more as time goes on. Or, if you can pick up some social cues (like when someone looks away from you elsewhere in the room -- especially if more than once -- while you are talking to them, or says, "well, I have to ..."), then you can work on those with him. But while you're doing that, he can work with blunt and specific rules he can't misinterpret.

[Anonymous]

PS: To be clear, both my above posts were in response to the request "Please, could someone recommend a way to deter my DC from trying to converse with adults?"

Kids don't have to avoid adults entirely, but this thread is about "dominating" conversations adults are trying to have with one another. If that is what you want help avoiding, the two options are 1) learn to read cues, and/or 2) go by some blunt guidelines which you can't get wrong.

Or, if you just wanted to talk about how affable your kid is with adults and had no real interest in advice on how to approach it, that's fine, too. You are welcome to do what you want and carry on.

[Anonymous]

Op why can’t you redirect them and just politely tell them you want to talk to thier mom with one on one time? Not a big deal!

[Anonymous]

I have two friends who have kids who are old souls.

I work with kids and really like them. They know this.

Twice there was some big stuff going on and my friends each tried to meet me and "support me" with kids in tow (HOW DARE THEY) and I actually said to the kids, "I love you, but I am trying to solve a problem and I really need your mom's full attention right now. Can you give us a few minutes?". (I am talking DEATH serious.) Once we got there, I would say, "I need 15 minutes of mom time," and if we were someplace with snacks, give them a dollar if their parent was OK with that.

Talking to the mini-adults like adults was pretty effective.

Not 110%, but the other parent exhaled, and the fact that my kids ALSO have traits many would find annoying (anyone want to hear the ENTIRE score of Hamilton) helps, because in my friend group, nobody puts their kid on a higher plane, but we also know the world will knock our kids down, so we don't do that either.

[Anonymous]

Why do ppl have to be rude to kids? They are learning. From you. Educate them and teach them. Politely redirect. Don't humiliate them for trying to engage. They are neither more or less important than you.

[Anonymous]

Kids shouldn't be dominating the conversation. Talk to your friend before you get together again.