Kids who dominate adult conversations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids happen to be excellent conversationalists. Even better, they know when to speak, when to be quiet, and how to assert themselves without dominating a conversation.
In other words, the skills they need to get good feedback from other people.

The are plenty of opportunities to speak when they are wanted. But the #1 skill in life is knowing when you are wanted and when you aren't. The world doesn't revolve around your "genius" kid and it never will.

Geniuses are a dime a dozen. Geniuses with good social skills are extremely successful.

Maybe they are "excellent conversationalists" now, with their schoolgroup. That's a far cry from being excellent conversationalists at, say, a state dinner, or at an elite college, or at a formal dinner with VIPs. If you want to prepare your kid to truly feel comfortable in every social situation, conversing with adults is a great way to do it.

And hey, it's important to remember that kids develop at different rates. Certain kids are happy to play with play-doh and play tag until they're 14. Certain kids can be having conversations about civil war history at 6. Some kids can do both. But there is no need to try to stifle a child's development, and, if you do- you might admit that parenting is not your forte.

My child can talk about many topics. DC can read about something and can remember all of it and discuss it thoroughly. It is impressive. DC is only 8 years old and has the vocabulary of many adults. If you don’t want to listen to my DC speak, you can leave. If you want to discuss “adult topics” my house, with my kids present, you are not welcome to do so. No one wants to discuss your silly sex life or other vacuous topics that you find so interesting.

Yup one right here. In a few years your 8 yo will be a lonely 13 yo.

And that awkward child as an adult will be operating on your diseased brain or finding a new treatments for cancer, while your DC will be sitting in a cubicle or playing Fortnight.

DP. Oh please. That awkward child is just as likely, if not more so, of becoming the weird guy in the office who seems smart but doesn't know how to interact with his colleagues or clients and doesn't have the EQ to rise up through the ranks.

Really. Do you actually know any successful surgeons, scientists, etc.? In general, these types of people tend to not possess great social skills, probably due to having higher IQs. Many of these people were socially awkward kids.

[Anonymous]

I’d rather my kid be emotionally intelligent than the person that can’t relate to people, but invents the next new thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d rather my kid be emotionally intelligent than the person that can’t relate to people, but invents the next new thing

It’s not about what I would rather my kid be though, it’s who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d rather my kid be emotionally intelligent than the person that can’t relate to people, but invents the next new thing

It’s not about what I would rather my kid be though, it’s who they are.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I used one of the suggestions and came equipped with a little scavenger hunt for the kids and it worked brilliantly. I had my kids help come up with the list, and even the older child got involved. Adults had more time to have some kid-free talk. Thanks to PP with the suggestion. It also helped to have an activity that could be more inclusive for all the kids instead of leaving some kids out.

This thread kind of devolved into something else entirely that I didn't expect.... I'm not into ignoring kids. I don't think anyone was suggesting that. And I don't think just because your kid is a "genius" that means that everyone needs to cater to their intellect and include them in your conversations with subjects that interest them.

Glad to hear everything worked out for you! In between the crazy, there are some nuggets of good advice to be found on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids happen to be excellent conversationalists. Even better, they know when to speak, when to be quiet, and how to assert themselves without dominating a conversation.
In other words, the skills they need to get good feedback from other people.

The are plenty of opportunities to speak when they are wanted. But the #1 skill in life is knowing when you are wanted and when you aren't. The world doesn't revolve around your "genius" kid and it never will.

Geniuses are a dime a dozen. Geniuses with good social skills are extremely successful.

Maybe they are "excellent conversationalists" now, with their schoolgroup. That's a far cry from being excellent conversationalists at, say, a state dinner, or at an elite college, or at a formal dinner with VIPs. If you want to prepare your kid to truly feel comfortable in every social situation, conversing with adults is a great way to do it.

And hey, it's important to remember that kids develop at different rates. Certain kids are happy to play with play-doh and play tag until they're 14. Certain kids can be having conversations about civil war history at 6. Some kids can do both. But there is no need to try to stifle a child's development, and, if you do- you might admit that parenting is not your forte.

My child can talk about many topics. DC can read about something and can remember all of it and discuss it thoroughly. It is impressive. DC is only 8 years old and has the vocabulary of many adults. If you don’t want to listen to my DC speak, you can leave. If you want to discuss “adult topics” my house, with my kids present, you are not welcome to do so. No one wants to discuss your silly sex life or other vacuous topics that you find so interesting.

Yup one right here. In a few years your 8 yo will be a lonely 13 yo.

And that awkward child as an adult will be operating on your diseased brain or finding a new treatments for cancer, while your DC will be sitting in a cubicle or playing Fortnight.

DP. Oh please. That awkward child is just as likely, if not more so, of becoming the weird guy in the office who seems smart but doesn't know how to interact with his colleagues or clients and doesn't have the EQ to rise up through the ranks.

Really. Do you actually know any successful surgeons, scientists, etc.? In general, these types of people tend to not possess great social skills, probably due to having higher IQs. Many of these people were socially awkward kids.

No you’re just making things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised that it was not okay for adults other than my parents and teachers to tell me what to do so just be prepared that the kid and their parent won’t take it well. I was definitely not raised in a “children should be seen but not heard” manner.

I was raised the same, however I have given my daughter a "hint" if she talks over me when we are with others in an attempt to join in conversation that she wants to add to, and I have said polietly to my 10 year old daughter to let others talk now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I gently deal with kids who interrupt and dominate adult conversations? I don’t want to offend the other mom. I often meet up with other moms for some adult conversation but one of the moms’ children always ends up dominating our conversations. After spending the entire day with my kids, I am really just craving talking to other adults, not talking to other kids about kid stuff.

The other mom sort of encourages it and I can kind of see it as a social benefit for the children in getting practice speaking with other adults. But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you. And her kids are lovely but I just don’t want to talk with them the entire time, but they just love talking with us instead of playing on their own or with each other.

Bad manners and you do not come to my house again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

So? Just because it's developmentally normal doesn't mean it doesn't need to be corrected. That's basically the entire premise of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

So? Just because it's developmentally normal doesn't mean it doesn't need to be corrected. That's basically the entire premise of parenting.

Please, could someone recommend a way to deter my DC from trying to converse with adults? He is extremely affable with both children and adults, and now I am wondering if our adult friends find him rude and annoying? If we adults are talking I do try to divert his attention and tell him to go play, which he usually does, but not always. Should I just tell him to quit talking to the adults or else we are leaving because he is so rude and inconsiderate?

[Anonymous]

PP, you tell him to limit his conversations with adults to a few minutes and then go do child stuff and leave adult stuff to adults.

I have quite a few friends with kids of similar ages and I've actually never encountered a situation where one of them wants to dominate adult conversations. Most children prefer to socialize with other children.

[Anonymous]

How long of a conversation are we talking here? Does the child never leave to play with the other kids? How long should a child talk to adults before it becomes rude and annoying, what is the limit? I suppose if the child never leaves the adults to play, then it may be an issue.

[Anonymous]

I have never seen a child dominate an adult conversation. Maybe I have Aspergers or something because when kids talk to me and other adults I barely take notice, I certainly don’t view the child in a negative way. I have never encountered a situation like OP is describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.


That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?

Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.

So? Just because it's developmentally normal doesn't mean it doesn't need to be corrected. That's basically the entire premise of parenting.

Please, could someone recommend a way to deter my DC from trying to converse with adults? He is extremely affable with both children and adults, and now I am wondering if our adult friends find him rude and annoying? If we adults are talking I do try to divert his attention and tell him to go play, which he usually does, but not always. Should I just tell him to quit talking to the adults or else we are leaving because he is so rude and inconsiderate?

You should be giving him gentle guidance about what’s appropriate. 5 or so minutes of chatting and then going to play. I love kids and I don’t want to talk to your 8 year old for 45 minutes! No one but you and his grandma do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids happen to be excellent conversationalists. Even better, they know when to speak, when to be quiet, and how to assert themselves without dominating a conversation.
In other words, the skills they need to get good feedback from other people.

The are plenty of opportunities to speak when they are wanted. But the #1 skill in life is knowing when you are wanted and when you aren't. The world doesn't revolve around your "genius" kid and it never will.

Geniuses are a dime a dozen. Geniuses with good social skills are extremely successful.

Maybe they are "excellent conversationalists" now, with their schoolgroup. That's a far cry from being excellent conversationalists at, say, a state dinner, or at an elite college, or at a formal dinner with VIPs. If you want to prepare your kid to truly feel comfortable in every social situation, conversing with adults is a great way to do it.

And hey, it's important to remember that kids develop at different rates. Certain kids are happy to play with play-doh and play tag until they're 14. Certain kids can be having conversations about civil war history at 6. Some kids can do both. But there is no need to try to stifle a child's development, and, if you do- you might admit that parenting is not your forte.

My child can talk about many topics. DC can read about something and can remember all of it and discuss it thoroughly. It is impressive. DC is only 8 years old and has the vocabulary of many adults. If you don’t want to listen to my DC speak, you can leave. If you want to discuss “adult topics” my house, with my kids present, you are not welcome to do so. No one wants to discuss your silly sex life or other vacuous topics that you find so interesting.

Yup one right here. In a few years your 8 yo will be a lonely 13 yo.

And that awkward child as an adult will be operating on your diseased brain or finding a new treatments for cancer, while your DC will be sitting in a cubicle or playing Fortnight.

DP. Oh please. That awkward child is just as likely, if not more so, of becoming the weird guy in the office who seems smart but doesn't know how to interact with his colleagues or clients and doesn't have the EQ to rise up through the ranks.

Really. Do you actually know any successful surgeons, scientists, etc.? In general, these types of people tend to not possess great social skills, probably due to having higher IQs. Many of these people were socially awkward kids.

Yes and you are incorrect. The top scientists start their own companies, especially in biomed. Most of the biomed $ comes from VC, so the ability to sell your idea, be charming, work the network is crucial in obtaining financing. There's a limited pot of money and everyone is competing for it. At bigger companies (Abbott, Merk) is corporation as usual even for scientists, so the ability to get ahead and get promoted is directly related to the social network, like everywhere. For regular doctors (peds, family doctors, ob-gyns, dentists), the ability to relate with the patients in order to keep their business is crucial. For some other practices, like dermatology and plastic surgery, marketing is everything. I'm not even getting into what it takes to become a MCO at any medical company or big chain, like Inova. The only place in medicine for anti-social people is radiology, but good luck getting hired first. And the highest IQ levels are correlated with more anxiety and mood disorders and ASD, so the truly genius people would not make great surgeons anyway. These unsocial kids are the ones playing video games in a basement and have the potential to commit mass murders; the other ones are playing sports and learning how to deal with disappointments, working in teams, navigate social interactions, communicating with others to get what they want. NP here with 3 generations in medicine.

From Allen J Bard, and this guy is SMART: I think the best advice is if you want to be successful, you have to work very hard. Hard work and your personality and the way you approach the world is more important than your fundamental intelligence. I have seen a lot of very smart people not succeed in what they wanted to do, and I have seen a lot of people who weren't that smart do very, very well.