Kids who dominate adult conversations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.

Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do. Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!) occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.

Very well said. When did being a good parent become, accepting any and all behavior from a child and never setting any type of boundaries?

From my experience, kids are happier, when they can be kids, and their every whim isn't catered to when they are loved to bits, but loved enough to be tought boundaries and what's appropriate in various situations.

I totally agree. You can tell the kids that have boundaries and those that seek them.

I always look at it like this. Kids just pop out into the abyss and every damn day or their life something is changing. It is an unstable environment because they grow so fast and learn so much so fast. First I’m mommy. Then I’m a Woman. Then I’m tall and a noun? Wtf? Their “reality” is constantly changing and challenges as their information grows. The numbers are taught in order, until we tell them to mix them up, and introduce fractions and imaginary numbers. Information for a child comes fasr and furious and their little brains are making sense of all of it while learning to adapt emotionally socially and even physically. They don’t know the fire is hot unless they touch it or you teach them in a safe way. Could you imagine living in a world without rules, while being a person without knowledge? It’s scary! That is what most kids are doing. Boundaries give structure and security, and let our kids know, we aren’t leaving, we love you, and no you can’t do this. Otherwise we are like everything else in the world that comes and goes and probably have the same risk and trust with. I always think of the nurse explaining in delivery how disorienting space is after being in a cozy womb, and the swaddling helps them feel secure. Our boundaries for ourselves do the same thing, and teach them how to create and defend their own, or adjust them as they learn more.

I’ve learned over the years how to put up boundaries with others’ kids. The kids usually don’t know how to read it, but they always listen, and very often they give huge hugs and want me to come and play with them. Which I am happy to do!! After grown folks are done talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If the child is actually conversing, not interrupting, I don't see how you have any grounds to correct them.

“I am not interested in the opinions of a child” is a perfectly valid ground for telling the kid to pipe down,

This is insanely rude, and I'm of the opinion that the OP should suggest the chatty kids should go play with their friends. It's fine to want grown-up time, it's unequivocally not okay to tell polite kids trying to engage in conversation that their opinions are worthless.

It is totally ok to tell kids that their opinions are immature, ignorant, and uninteresting, because they are.

You were raised poorly.

I think (hope) pp was just being sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

Instead, pp, why don’t you take some parenting classes. No one wants to hear your kids prattle on as much as you let them.

NP. I think some adults get insecure when a kid is smarter than them in a conversation

Bingo. This is it. A lot of adults (on this board) who never dealt with their insecurity issues and it comes up when they have to deal with particularly bright kids

(And no, I dont have kids and am not doing this with "my children". Just an unbiased psychology observation)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.

Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do. Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!) occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.

Very well said. When did being a good parent become, accepting any and all behavior from a child and never setting any type of boundaries?

From my experience, kids are happier, when they can be kids, and their every whim isn't catered to when they are loved to bits, but loved enough to be tought boundaries and what's appropriate in various situations.

I totally agree. You can tell the kids that have boundaries and those that seek them.

I always look at it like this. Kids just pop out into the abyss and every damn day or their life something is changing. It is an unstable environment because they grow so fast and learn so much so fast. First I’m mommy. Then I’m a Woman. Then I’m tall and a noun? Wtf? Their “reality” is constantly changing and challenges as their information grows. The numbers are taught in order, until we tell them to mix them up, and introduce fractions and imaginary numbers. Information for a child comes fasr and furious and their little brains are making sense of all of it while learning to adapt emotionally socially and even physically. They don’t know the fire is hot unless they touch it or you teach them in a safe way. Could you imagine living in a world without rules, while being a person without knowledge? It’s scary! That is what most kids are doing. Boundaries give structure and security, and let our kids know, we aren’t leaving, we love you, and no you can’t do this. Otherwise we are like everything else in the world that comes and goes and probably have the same risk and trust with. I always think of the nurse explaining in delivery how disorienting space is after being in a cozy womb, and the swaddling helps them feel secure. Our boundaries for ourselves do the same thing, and teach them how to create and defend their own, or adjust them as they learn more.

I’ve learned over the years how to put up boundaries with others’ kids. The kids usually don’t know how to read it, but they always listen, and very often they give huge hugs and want me to come and play with them. Which I am happy to do!! After grown folks are done talking.

We have people who were raised like this and then they moan about being introverts and why they have social issues. THAT'S WHY! It's important for kids to see and engage with adults and see how an adult conversation goes. It also leads to smarter kids for obvious reasons

But a lot of the people on this board seemed to have shabby parenting and have the issues to show for it. Poor social skills and social anxiety are endemic in this country and now we see why. Sad and embarrassing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

Instead, pp, why don’t you take some parenting classes. No one wants to hear your kids prattle on as much as you let them.

That is not true, NP, you guys sound like you had kids so your facebook page looks good.

+1

A lot of bad parents in this world, and on this board. A lot of "introverts" that use it as an excuse for their pool social ability. And now we see why- cause they had parents that couldn't give less of an F about them and that's how they were raised. Their parents couldnt wait to get away from them and they think it's normal. Generational trauma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.

Aww, that made me laugh. Were your feelings hurt? I can see my husband saying something like that to our son, but I think it would hurt his feelings. Or maybe it wouldn't...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.

Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do. Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!) occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.

You sound seriously insane and maybe mentally ill.

Your response actually is scary.... obey, I'm told I am the best mommy,

Your spelling shows you are from a different country so I will chalk it up to that and not that you are mommy dearest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.

Aww, that made me laugh. Were your feelings hurt? I can see my husband saying something like that to our son, but I think it would hurt his feelings. Or maybe it wouldn't...

Of course it would! Do you people have aspergers? I swear we have the weirdest, worst parents on this site than anywhere else in the world.... very low income and deprived communities included...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.

Aww, that made me laugh. Were your feelings hurt? I can see my husband saying something like that to our son, but I think it would hurt his feelings. Or maybe it wouldn't...

That sound super rude.

I'll try it tonight with my H, "nobody wants to hear you talk about hockey" see how it goes over.

I just don't think you realize how rude it is, was he often rude to you, do you not recognize rudeness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.

Aww, that made me laugh. Were your feelings hurt? I can see my husband saying something like that to our son, but I think it would hurt his feelings. Or maybe it wouldn't...

Of course it would! Do you people have aspergers? I swear we have the weirdest, worst parents on this site than anywhere else in the world.... very low income and deprived communities included...

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

Instead, pp, why don’t you take some parenting classes. No one wants to hear your kids prattle on as much as you let them.

NP. I think some adults get insecure when a kid is smarter than them in a conversation

Bingo. This is it. A lot of adults (on this board) who never dealt with their insecurity issues and it comes up when they have to deal with particularly bright kids

(And no, I dont have kids and am not doing this with "my children". Just an unbiased psychology observation)

I haven’t read this entire thread, so perhaps my comment is out of context. But this thought is really deserving of its own thread, and has nothing to do with teaching children how to behave in a polite and respectful manner. Teachers would be able to do so much more with their day if we gave them a good foundation at home.

And yes, there are some parents intimidated by smart children, I’ve seen it and it is utterly ridiculous and pathetic. If my child shares something I didn’t know, or another kid is super smart, I tell them so! And encourage them to never be afraid of being smart, even if others don’t want to be. But that is totally different from interrupting and being a participant in adult conversations. By default every conversation with a child immediately is dominated to a pg rating. I love my child but I don’t expect everyone else to love her the way I do. The rules are for them, to empower and protect them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

Instead, pp, why don’t you take some parenting classes. No one wants to hear your kids prattle on as much as you let them.

No, this is not a parenting issue, this is your issue, this is subjective. Some parents have no issue with kids joining in conversation, and that is fine. It’s a matter of preference. Kids who “interrupt” you probably have way better social skills and confidence than a meek and mild mannered child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)

I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.

Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do. Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!) occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.

You sound seriously insane and maybe mentally ill.

Your response actually is scary.... obey, I'm told I am the best mommy,

Your spelling shows you are from a different country so I will chalk it up to that and not that you are mommy dearest.

Lol, okay. I don’t take offense with your inaccurate observation. You should delve into why you have such a knee jerk reaction to obey. And I wouldn’t joke about something that I already expressed, I was abused by disciplinarians. And maybe you should try kindness since you wrapped it all up with an I suit that bordered racism.

[Anonymous]

*insult

Autocorrect as every other human being can surmise when we see typos and grammatical errors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.

Aww, that made me laugh. Were your feelings hurt? I can see my husband saying something like that to our son, but I think it would hurt his feelings. Or maybe it wouldn't...

That sound super rude.

I'll try it tonight with my H, "nobody wants to hear you talk about hockey" see how it goes over.

I just don't think you realize how rude it is, was he often rude to you, do you not recognize rudeness?

It is rude, and mean. And I’m the long winded PP. My child would be destroyed if I said something so insensitive. But people really only know to do what they have been taught. I like to assume most people are ignorant and not stupid, but maybe I’m wrong.