Money woes...but not mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep saying the son is visiting there and needs to use guest food rules? Either it is his house too, as in he is part of the family, in which case family needs to be considerate of his food preferences. My husband hates spicy food and curry. I can either not make it or make it and something else for him / let him make something else. “Making” someone eat something is bananas in their own home. If my husband went to dinner as a guest but only was served curry, he would eat some plain rice, a splash of sauce, and eat something else when he got home. But that is as a guest. He is a family member.

If he truly is a guest and is treated as a guest and should be viewed as a guest then those are the family dynamics and OP owes them nothing.

If you can swing a grand or two, that is nice. Nothing else though

First this isn't real. 2nd, if he's there 4 times a month he absolutely is a guest. Family members don't visit 4 days a month. Family members live there at least part time. Mom probably is extremely controlling of everything, especially food.

[Anonymous]

While you would not want your son to know about the request, how would he feel if his dad made comments to him about losing his home. I know a couple who let their former son in law stay in a older cabin, on some land they owned, for the sake of their grandson who could visit him there. He was able to pay them a small amount each month from disability. He was there until he passed away. They let their grandson have the land ( not worth much) which he considered to be an inheritance from his father.

It takes a long time for a home to be foreclosed on. They can postpone it for a few years by filing for bankruptcy. If you do want to help then wait until they lose the house then maybe gift him a deposit with the understanding that he is not to ask you for help again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While you would not want your son to know about the request, how would he feel if his dad made comments to him about losing his home. I know a couple who let their former son in law stay in a older cabin, on some land they owned, for the sake of their grandson who could visit him there. He was able to pay them a small amount each month from disability. He was there until he passed away. They let their grandson have the land ( not worth much) which he considered to be an inheritance from his father.

It takes a long time for a home to be foreclosed on. They can postpone it for a few years by filing for bankruptcy. If you do want to help then wait until they lose the house then maybe gift him a deposit with the understanding that he is not to ask you for help again.

It would be better to wait and see what happens before doing anything. If he can’t find a job then he would still be at risk of losing his home even if you helped him with one mortgage payment. If your son becomes concerned about his dad becoming homeless then you could reassure him that it won’t happen for a long time. If you are willing to help with a deposit, at that point, then your son won’t worry that he will end up in a shelter or on the streets.

[Anonymous]

He may need to move to find a job. Finding a job now should be more of a priority than trying to save the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is rude not to make an effort with her and food. You sound really obnoxious. No you should not give them money but you should be kind and more supportive.

Not sure what you're smoking, but it must be some good stuff.

No way would I be making my kid eat fattening food he doesn't even like - as a TEEN - because it was cooked by a random woman his dad shacked up with and decided to give all his money to instead of paying his share to raise his kid.

This is his wife and there is something the kid can eat. You sound very off. You don't know if its fattening or not.

Wait, wait, wait... are you claiming to be the new wife??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is rude not to make an effort with her and food. You sound really obnoxious. No you should not give them money but you should be kind and more supportive.

Agree! OP and her son sound elitist and potentially racist. Food is really important in some cultures, and bringing your own food for a visit is tantamount to a grave insult. You should be sensitive to that, and figure out some kind of polite compromise. I’m sure there are at least a handful of dishes from her culture that would be palatable to him. Or he can offer to make a side and eat primarily that item along with a few bites of her main. Also, what teenage boy refuses carb-heavy foods? Doesn’t he do sports? One weekend of carb-heavy food a month isn’t going to kill him. Do you both have eating disorders?

[Anonymous]

Is the new wife from the Philippines?

[Anonymous]

There is no way I would make my kids eat food they find disgusting. For us, we are vegetarians. They will not be forced to eat non-vegetarian food. I am more than happy to send food along with my kids so the hostess/stepmom does not have to bother to prepare special food.

If someone sent a kid to my house and he had a peanut allergy. I would appreciate his special food being sent by the mom. I would not want to be responsible for cross-contamination.

Shift your paradigm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is rude not to make an effort with her and food. You sound really obnoxious. No you should not give them money but you should be kind and more supportive.

Not sure what you're smoking, but it must be some good stuff.

No way would I be making my kid eat fattening food he doesn't even like - as a TEEN - because it was cooked by a random woman his dad shacked up with and decided to give all his money to instead of paying his share to raise his kid.

This is his wife and there is something the kid can eat. You sound very off. You don't know if its fattening or not.

Wait, wait, wait... are you claiming to be the new wife??

NP here. If you knew how to read in context, you would understand that PP is saying it’s not a “random woman” who’s cooking but her ex-DH’s wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way I would make my kids eat food they find disgusting. For us, we are vegetarians. They will not be forced to eat non-vegetarian food. I am more than happy to send food along with my kids so the hostess/stepmom does not have to bother to prepare special food.

If someone sent a kid to my house and he had a peanut allergy. I would appreciate his special food being sent by the mom. I would not want to be responsible for cross-contamination.

Shift your paradigm.

Lol, OP’s kid is not allergic to anything, he is a “picky eater” (read: spoiled brat). If this was about allergy concerns or vegetarian foods then OP would have said so and we would be more sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Same concept. Reach a little.

[Anonymous]

When I first read OP’s post, I was thinking that the new wife was from Thailand or the Philippines. I’m more familiar with Thai food (and East Asian cuisines) but I don’t think livers and onions feature in Asian cooking. This wife must be from Mexico or Eastern Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is rude not to make an effort with her and food. You sound really obnoxious. No you should not give them money but you should be kind and more supportive.

Agree! OP and her son sound elitist and potentially racist. Food is really important in some cultures, and bringing your own food for a visit is tantamount to a grave insult. You should be sensitive to that, and figure out some kind of polite compromise. I’m sure there are at least a handful of dishes from her culture that would be palatable to him. Or he can offer to make a side and eat primarily that item along with a few bites of her main. Also, what teenage boy refuses carb-heavy foods? Doesn’t he do sports? One weekend of carb-heavy food a month isn’t going to kill him. Do you both have eating disorders?

How are we racist? My son doesn't want to eat this particular food and all of a sudden he's racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I first read OP’s post, I was thinking that the new wife was from Thailand or the Philippines. I’m more familiar with Thai food (and East Asian cuisines) but I don’t think livers and onions feature in Asian cooking. This wife must be from Mexico or Eastern Europe.

You are right. The new wife is from Eastern Europe. Not going to name the exact country, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, then the food is probably all pork. I would continue to send food with your son.