Money woes...but not mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

Your son is not your blood? I’m confused. Support for the non custodial parent as you out earn him.

Why would OP provide support when the other parent has no custody and the child only occasionally visits?

Sounds like visitation was regular before Covid. Yes she should be paying child support. It’s meant to equalize the difference in the incomes for the child.

Visitation was twice a month. What expenses do I have to pay for him? He comes fully clothed and with his own food. Should I pay "room and board"?

He doesn't pay for camps, vacations, etc. When we were divorcing, that's what HE actually proposed: "you get the full custody but I don't have to pay. YOU provide for him, but I still want to see him". Fair and square. So why again am I supposed to "equalize the income difference"?

He went to college. He went to grad school. He has a security clearance. Not my fault he didn't want to seek a higher paying employment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

So why are you asking other people what they would do? Sounds like you have your own answer and just wanted to gloat about your ex-husband's bad decisions.

[Anonymous]

Hell no! Do not give these losers Money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

So why are you asking other people what they would do? Sounds like you have your own answer and just wanted to gloat about your ex-husband's bad decisions.

i think OP is talking herself through the possible options. I too find it unfair that a higher earning parent is somehow responsible for exes. I almost became part of the same situation. I almost married someone who was paying a fortune to his non-working ex because he was a high-earner. And he would've been paying her even after kids went to college. Apparently my income would come into consideration too. I am against supporting able-bodied adults, so I broke it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

Your son is not your blood? I’m confused. Support for the non custodial parent as you out earn him.

Why would OP provide support when the other parent has no custody and the child only occasionally visits?

Sounds like visitation was regular before Covid. Yes she should be paying child support. It’s meant to equalize the difference in the incomes for the child.

Visitation was twice a month. What expenses do I have to pay for him? He comes fully clothed and with his own food. Should I pay "room and board"?

He doesn't pay for camps, vacations, etc. When we were divorcing, that's what HE actually proposed: "you get the full custody but I don't have to pay. YOU provide for him, but I still want to see him". Fair and square. So why again am I supposed to "equalize the income difference"?

He went to college. He went to grad school. He has a security clearance. Not my fault he didn't want to seek a higher paying employment.

Agree it isn't fair, but you should research anyway. If you make a lot more, it may be possible he can go to court for support, even if that's what you agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

Your son is not your blood? I’m confused. Support for the non custodial parent as you out earn him.

Why would OP provide support when the other parent has no custody and the child only occasionally visits?

Sounds like visitation was regular before Covid. Yes she should be paying child support. It’s meant to equalize the difference in the incomes for the child.

Visitation was twice a month. What expenses do I have to pay for him? He comes fully clothed and with his own food. Should I pay "room and board"?

He doesn't pay for camps, vacations, etc. When we were divorcing, that's what HE actually proposed: "you get the full custody but I don't have to pay. YOU provide for him, but I still want to see him". Fair and square. So why again am I supposed to "equalize the income difference"?

He went to college. He went to grad school. He has a security clearance. Not my fault he didn't want to seek a higher paying employment.

Agree it isn't fair, but you should research anyway. If you make a lot more, it may be possible he can go to court for support, even if that's what you agreed.

That seems really unlikely, as her ex has no physical custody. Also, with the divorce 8 years old, I can't see a judge allowing spousal support. I'm one of those rare folks who got spousal support, but it was time-limited and specific to the circumstances (my having followed a tenure-track spouse for several years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

Your son is not your blood? I’m confused. Support for the non custodial parent as you out earn him.

Why would OP provide support when the other parent has no custody and the child only occasionally visits?

Sounds like visitation was regular before Covid. Yes she should be paying child support. It’s meant to equalize the difference in the incomes for the child.

Visitation was twice a month. What expenses do I have to pay for him? He comes fully clothed and with his own food. Should I pay "room and board"?

He doesn't pay for camps, vacations, etc. When we were divorcing, that's what HE actually proposed: "you get the full custody but I don't have to pay. YOU provide for him, but I still want to see him". Fair and square. So why again am I supposed to "equalize the income difference"?

He went to college. He went to grad school. He has a security clearance. Not my fault he didn't want to seek a higher paying employment.

Agree it isn't fair, but you should research anyway. If you make a lot more, it may be possible he can go to court for support, even if that's what you agreed.

That seems really unlikely, as her ex has no physical custody. Also, with the divorce 8 years old, I can't see a judge allowing spousal support. I'm one of those rare folks who got spousal support, but it was time-limited and specific to the circumstances (my having followed a tenure-track spouse for several years).

Yeah, I had my lawyer get involved just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Background: exDH and I divorced 8 years ago, I moved on with our DS, he's now a teenager. I always made way more money than him (this part is important). There is no child support (also important). Four years ago exDH married a woman with 2 kids from a previous relationship. She is not from this country, he brought her over on a K1 visa. She gave birth to their child almost right away. Never worked here, her English is very poor. They live very modestly, small house.

The way she treats my DS is a little weird. One minute she wants to be close to him, involved in his activities, another minute she hardly acknowledges him. She is offended he doesn't like her food and brings his own whenever he visits. He was always a picky eater. She called him spoiled multiple times. Her kids are DS age, there is no relationship there, they don't even say "hello" when he comes over.

I guess COVID has really hit them hard, they are all staying in that tiny house, DS doesn't visit them, obviously. Now exDH lost his job. He asked me for a money to cover his mortgage, food, etc. It sounds like he is being pressured by his new wife to reach out to me because "I am rich, I can afford to". He doesn't call it a loan, he actually said "can you give us some money?"

WWYD? I don't have a relationship with exDH other than an occasional conversation about DS, where he voices his wife's complaints

If he doesn't kick every available rock near that tiny ass house.

He can file for unemployment, get the extra $2400/month from Uncle Sam, and go deliver groceries for instacart or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Background: exDH and I divorced 8 years ago, I moved on with our DS, he's now a teenager. I always made way more money than him (this part is important). There is no child support (also important). Four years ago exDH married a woman with 2 kids from a previous relationship. She is not from this country, he brought her over on a K1 visa. She gave birth to their child almost right away. Never worked here, her English is very poor. They live very modestly, small house.

The way she treats my DS is a little weird. One minute she wants to be close to him, involved in his activities, another minute she hardly acknowledges him. She is offended he doesn't like her food and brings his own whenever he visits. He was always a picky eater. She called him spoiled multiple times. Her kids are DS age, there is no relationship there, they don't even say "hello" when he comes over.

I guess COVID has really hit them hard, they are all staying in that tiny house, DS doesn't visit them, obviously. Now exDH lost his job. He asked me for a money to cover his mortgage, food, etc. It sounds like he is being pressured by his new wife to reach out to me because "I am rich, I can afford to". He doesn't call it a loan, he actually said "can you give us some money?"

WWYD? I don't have a relationship with exDH other than an occasional conversation about DS, where he voices his wife's complaints

If he doesn't kick every available rock near that tiny ass house.

He can file for unemployment, get the extra $2400/month from Uncle Sam, and go deliver groceries for instacart or something.

Thank you. That's what I said. I have friends who got hit too and they are making it as uber eats couriers. Not the greatest money but definitely covers groceries. And they have grad degrees, they didn't scoff at "oh, it's so beneath me."

[Anonymous]

How much did he ask for? Is it a one-time thing?

[Anonymous]

No, you only need to help if you feel so inclined. Also, if you decide not to, do not feel guilty this isnt your responsiblity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

Your son is not your blood? I’m confused. Support for the non custodial parent as you out earn him.

Why would OP provide support when the other parent has no custody and the child only occasionally visits?

Are you divorced? Sounds like you are not. At least in Virginia, there is a formula to follow and that may result in the non-custodial parent getting money from the other parent for the son's expenses. It may be that after everything OP pays for, the ex doesn't get anything additional but that is not always the case.

Of course she's not going to provide for the whole family.

But that doesn't even answer OP's question. Her ex is asking for money to pay his mortgage and bills. I seriously doubt whatever child support she'd be paying for bimonthly visits would help him with his immediate problem of having to support a family of three.

[Anonymous]

Has he been nasty to you? To your son? Sounds like the problem is with his new wife, not him. I would consider helping if he himself hadn't been nasty to you or the DS.

But doesn't he have relatives or new in-laws he could ask for help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much did he ask for? Is it a one-time thing?

He asked for 5 grand. Said it would cover mortgage, utilities, and food. After all, it's a family of 5.

He got laid off last month.He refuses to tell me if he filed for unemployment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he been nasty to you? To your son? Sounds like the problem is with his new wife, not him. I would consider helping if he himself hadn't been nasty to you or the DS.

But doesn't he have relatives or new in-laws he could ask for help?

New in-laws live in another country. I suspect he and his wife financially support them.