Money woes...but not mine

[Anonymous]

They have three kids, right? They would have gotten at least $3900 in stimulus money a month ago. I would literally not respond.

[Anonymous]

So this man has a graduate degree and had a child with OP and pays nothing to help support the child. But he wants OP to help support his second wife who has two kids and they had a kid together? No, op should not have to fund his very poor choices. She already DOES help him by raising his child and paying for all of their child's expenses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is rude not to make an effort with her and food. You sound really obnoxious. No you should not give them money but you should be kind and more supportive.

Not sure what you're smoking, but it must be some good stuff.

No way would I be making my kid eat fattening food he doesn't even like - as a TEEN - because it was cooked by a random woman his dad shacked up with and decided to give all his money to instead of paying his share to raise his kid.

This is his wife and there is something the kid can eat. You sound very off. You don't know if its fattening or not.

[Anonymous]

Even if you give this guy some $$ this month, what happens next month?? Tell him sorry ( not sorry). If you have any sympathy for him, a grocery store gift card would be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much did he ask for? Is it a one-time thing?

He asked for 5 grand. Said it would cover mortgage, utilities, and food. After all, it's a family of 5.

He got laid off last month.He refuses to tell me if he filed for unemployment.

$5,000?!?!?! I don't know, maybe you're super rich, but I wouldn't be able give someone $5,000 free and clear without a real sacrifice on my part. But if they wouldn't even say if they were getting unemployment? - hell no.

I don't think the child support issue, or the food issue, are relevant. Those are the arrangements you and your ex made and it sounds like everyone has been content with them.

The only questions are can you afford this gift and are these people you want to give this gift to? Obviously the latter is going to be influenced by how big a hit the money would be for you.

How secure is your job? I know people losing their jobs now that would normally have been considered safe. Is college fully funded since you're the only one paying? How much savings do you have if you do lose your job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before,

Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood...

Your son is not your blood? I’m confused. Support for the non custodial parent as you out earn him.

Why would OP provide support when the other parent has no custody and the child only occasionally visits?

Sounds like visitation was regular before Covid. Yes she should be paying child support. It’s meant to equalize the difference in the incomes for the child.

Visitation was twice a month. What expenses do I have to pay for him? He comes fully clothed and with his own food. Should I pay "room and board"?

He doesn't pay for camps, vacations, etc. When we were divorcing, that's what HE actually proposed: "you get the full custody but I don't have to pay. YOU provide for him, but I still want to see him". Fair and square. So why again am I supposed to "equalize the income difference"?

He went to college. He went to grad school. He has a security clearance. Not my fault he didn't want to seek a higher paying employment.

Actually that is reasonable to say you should pay all expenses as you have the higher income and he gets 3 days a month - that isn't being a Dad or having a real relationship. If you wanted them to have a relationship you'd encourage more time, have shared custody and treated the stepmom nicer. You choose to send food. They have food there but you raised a brat.

Wait a minute. So not only do I have to do all the "fun" stuff with my DS, I should also ENCOURAGE someone to spend more time with his own child? Don't you think I am already doing enough?

And who said my son was not nice to his stepmom? He is courteous to her, he is polite to her. She is invited to his events. She doesn't socialize with other people, barely says hello. He doesn't want to eat the food that she makes. Should he force it down his throat? He brought it home a few times. I couldn't eat it either, it was very heavy. Should he starve while he's there? Absolutely not. So instead of forcing a mother of 3 to cook him a separate meal, I send him with his containers. I don't mind cooking what he can actually eat.

And for your information, it was exDH who did not want shared custody. 'Too busy rebuilding his life' - his words, not mine.

So tell me, who is a brat here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is rude not to make an effort with her and food. You sound really obnoxious. No you should not give them money but you should be kind and more supportive.

Not sure what you're smoking, but it must be some good stuff.

No way would I be making my kid eat fattening food he doesn't even like - as a TEEN - because it was cooked by a random woman his dad shacked up with and decided to give all his money to instead of paying his share to raise his kid.

This is his wife and there is something the kid can eat. You sound very off. You don't know if its fattening or not.

See my post below. He brought home what she cooked. The food is very heavy. I am not surprised exDH gained weight, that food is loaded with carbs.

[Anonymous]

Wow, he has balls to ask you.

If you want to be kind, send a $100 grocery card. I would absolutely not give $5k to what are essentially strangers who've treated you (and your son) badly.

What exactly did he say? I really wonder how someone has the stones to phrase a request like that. "Can you give us $5000 because we need it?"

If he wanted to stay on the gravy train, he should've stayed married to a high earner. Or, you know, treated you and your son well.

[Anonymous]

If I could afford to do so, I would pay two months mortgage and send the check to mortgage company myself. I would also give them a $200 gift card to grocery store and tell them both mortgage and gift card are gifts and there will be no more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this man has a graduate degree and had a child with OP and pays nothing to help support the child. But he wants OP to help support his second wife who has two kids and they had a kid together? No, op should not have to fund his very poor choices. She already DOES help him by raising his child and paying for all of their child's expenses!

Actually op might owe child support as she is the higher earner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is rude not to make an effort with her and food. You sound really obnoxious. No you should not give them money but you should be kind and more supportive.

Not sure what you're smoking, but it must be some good stuff.

No way would I be making my kid eat fattening food he doesn't even like - as a TEEN - because it was cooked by a random woman his dad shacked up with and decided to give all his money to instead of paying his share to raise his kid.

This is his wife and there is something the kid can eat. You sound very off. You don't know if its fattening or not.

See my post below. He brought home what she cooked. The food is very heavy. I am not surprised exDH gained weight, that food is loaded with carbs.

You sound like a nightmare and doing everything possible to mess up the relationships. They provide food.

[Anonymous]

As a foreigner on an 03 visa, may I ask why you highlighted the fact that the wife is originally not from the US?
Why did you note that she doesn't speak English well?
Do these attributes contribute to your resentment?

He asked for money, you can say no. It's as easy as that.

But I don't like you, OP. You come across as racist.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a troll post. The food thing is too weird. Anybody would know it is super offensive to visit someone's home and refuse to eat their food. It is offensive in every culture around the world!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, he has balls to ask you.

If you want to be kind, send a $100 grocery card. I would absolutely not give $5k to what are essentially strangers who've treated you (and your son) badly.

What exactly did he say? I really wonder how someone has the stones to phrase a request like that. "Can you give us $5000 because we need it?"

If he wanted to stay on the gravy train, he should've stayed married to a high earner. Or, you know, treated you and your son well.

This x a gazillion! I really don't think anyone of the PP's who want you to pay child support or give him the $5000 has read your post with any comprehension. Either that or they are baiting you on. Don't be a sucker.

I mean it's one thing if you can easily afford it and want to make a kind gesture because he is your son's father and you kind of feel sorry for him. I could see that - you want to help him because you don't want your son to worry about his dad. But if your son isn't close with him and you are feeling suckered into this...no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As a foreigner on an 03 visa, may I ask why you highlighted the fact that the wife is originally not from the US?
Why did you note that she doesn't speak English well?
Do these attributes contribute to your resentment?

He asked for money, you can say no. It's as easy as that.

But I don't like you, OP. You come across as racist.

Team OP here. You bring someone from another country - you provide for her. Don’t expect your ex to cover your expenses. OP is not racist. She just doesn’t care about that woman.