Money woes...but not mine
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Anonymous
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Background: exDH and I divorced 8 years ago, I moved on with our DS, he's now a teenager. I always made way more money than him (this part is important). There is no child support (also important). Four years ago exDH married a woman with 2 kids from a previous relationship. She is not from this country, he brought her over on a K1 visa. She gave birth to their child almost right away. Never worked here, her English is very poor. They live very modestly, small house.
The way she treats my DS is a little weird. One minute she wants to be close to him, involved in his activities, another minute she hardly acknowledges him. She is offended he doesn't like her food and brings his own whenever he visits. He was always a picky eater. She called him spoiled multiple times. Her kids are DS age, there is no relationship there, they don't even say "hello" when he comes over. I guess COVID has really hit them hard, they are all staying in that tiny house, DS doesn't visit them, obviously. Now exDH lost his job. He asked me for a money to cover his mortgage, food, etc. It sounds like he is being pressured by his new wife to reach out to me because "I am rich, I can afford to". He doesn't call it a loan, he actually said "can you give us some money?" WWYD? I don't have a relationship with exDH other than an occasional conversation about DS, where he voices his wife's complaints 
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Anonymous
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I am not sure why your son not eating her food has to do with him wanting u to loan them money. On the money, he probably knows he would struggle to pay you back so no point pretending its a loan. If you can afford to help him and you feel so inclined then help him/them. I dont think you have any obligation though.
Your teen son should not be taking his own food to their house, he needs to eat what they are making within reason. I mean I wouldnt make my kid eat liver and onions but if she is going to a house that serves Indian for example my kid would eat some naan bread and a chicken or veggie dish as long as not spicy. |
Anonymous
| You have framed your whole post to seek validation to do what you have clearly already decided to do. Why do you need our blessing? |
Anonymous
| You should be providing support. I don’t understand why you didn’t before, |
Anonymous
Funny you should mention liver and onions. She does indeed make that dish  And a lot of other very carb-heavy dishes that my kid just doesn't eat. Her food is not healthy, it's very heavy. And having seen her kids a few times, I am not surprised they are overweight.
I'd rather he not go hungry, so I am OK packing his food. This way she doesn't have to cook separately for him. I thought I was being considerate to her, esp. with 3 kids now, but she still got offended. I can afford to help him but for how long? He can't give me a timeline. I am surprised he is not interviewing given his skillset AND a clearance, which is a lot in this area. |
Anonymous
Wait, why should I support them? They are not my blood... |
Anonymous
as. the higher earning parent. |
Anonymous
Say what? She needs to support his kids from new wife? Nicely decline and move on. There’s a reason he’s an ex. |
Anonymous
Your son is not your blood? I’m confused. Support for the non custodial parent as you out earn him. |
Anonymous
I support MY child. Again, why am I supposed to support kids who are not even mine? Again, exDH pays no child support. Does not contribute a penny. I carry everything: insurance, sports, tutors, vacations, clothes. I am the only one contributing to his 529. |
Anonymous
My son is my blood. He lives with me, I have full custody. exDH does not financially contribute anything.That's what we agreed on. |
Anonymous
Why would OP provide support when the other parent has no custody and the child only occasionally visits? |
Anonymous
Sounds like visitation was regular before Covid. Yes she should be paying child support. It’s meant to equalize the difference in the incomes for the child. |
Anonymous
Are you divorced? Sounds like you are not. At least in Virginia, there is a formula to follow and that may result in the non-custodial parent getting money from the other parent for the son's expenses. It may be that after everything OP pays for, the ex doesn't get anything additional but that is not always the case. Of course she's not going to provide for the whole family. |
Anonymous
You nuts. |