I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

PP, you post the same thing on every thread. Is there anything that father could ask for that do that wouldn't be acceptable to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

PP, you post the same thing on every thread. Is there anything that father could ask for that do that wouldn't be acceptable to you?

Most of the time the requests are reasonable and compromising is best for the child. Your choices and behavior greatly impact your child and what kid of parents they are in the future. This dad is asking to help make decisions for their child. That is reasonable. This dad is asking for visits once a week. They live in the same building for that purpose. It is reasonable to have a schedule as otherwise it is at moms whim. It is reasonable to ask for a bit more child support. All three can easily be compromised on.

Do you really want to teach your sons dads are not important and as men you only pay child support but no decisions or involvement. And, what do you teach your daughter? You may be in a hard situation with a co parent but most are not and you want to set the example of healthy relationships. What you do now will have life long consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

PP, you post the same thing on every thread. Is there anything that father could ask for that do that wouldn't be acceptable to you?

Most of the time the requests are reasonable and compromising is best for the child. Your choices and behavior greatly impact your child and what kid of parents they are in the future. This dad is asking to help make decisions for their child. That is reasonable. This dad is asking for visits once a week. They live in the same building for that purpose. It is reasonable to have a schedule as otherwise it is at moms whim. It is reasonable to ask for a bit more child support. All three can easily be compromised on.

Do you really want to teach your sons dads are not important and as men you only pay child support but no decisions or involvement. And, what do you teach your daughter? You may be in a hard situation with a co parent but most are not and you want to set the example of healthy relationships. What you do now will have life long consequences.

And what is the father teaching his son when he doesn’t see him for months (father’s choice) even though we live in the same building? If you are going to respond with this nonsense, then please take the time and read all of the posts. All of your questions have been answered five times already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

PP, you post the same thing on every thread. Is there anything that father could ask for that do that wouldn't be acceptable to you?

Most of the time the requests are reasonable and compromising is best for the child. Your choices and behavior greatly impact your child and what kid of parents they are in the future. This dad is asking to help make decisions for their child. That is reasonable. This dad is asking for visits once a week. They live in the same building for that purpose. It is reasonable to have a schedule as otherwise it is at moms whim. It is reasonable to ask for a bit more child support. All three can easily be compromised on.

Do you really want to teach your sons dads are not important and as men you only pay child support but no decisions or involvement. And, what do you teach your daughter? You may be in a hard situation with a co parent but most are not and you want to set the example of healthy relationships. What you do now will have life long consequences.

Why do you think it is reasonable that dad should have 1/2 decision-making authority for putting in 1/7 of the work required to raise a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

Op here. Thank you PP. you get it.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what his argument would be.

He is going to go to court and there is no evidence he has ever shown the least bit of interest in his child, he has never done anything related to the child other than a few hours every few months. he has refused every effort you have ever made to be involved in any way. He knows nothing about his child.

It is actually bizarre to me that he has given you $400 a month. Usually dads with zero interest in their child don't regularly pay support.

What is he going to put in the court papers? I know nothing about my child, I have never been involved in any way, I have refused all efforts to get to know my child but I want 50% legal custody? His lawyer won't even take that forward - he would be laughed out of court. If there is no evidence of any involvement or interest as you have said repeatedly, you have nothing to even worry about. Although as I said, it is rare to find a father who pays child support regularly but has zero interest or involvement other than a few hours every few months.

[Anonymous]

My ex regularly pays child support but hasn’t seen our child in many years. The whole idea of going to join isn’t his cup of tea I guess.

[Anonymous]

jail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what his argument would be.

He is going to go to court and there is no evidence he has ever shown the least bit of interest in his child, he has never done anything related to the child other than a few hours every few months. he has refused every effort you have ever made to be involved in any way. He knows nothing about his child.

It is actually bizarre to me that he has given you $400 a month. Usually dads with zero interest in their child don't regularly pay support.

What is he going to put in the court papers? I know nothing about my child, I have never been involved in any way, I have refused all efforts to get to know my child but I want 50% legal custody? His lawyer won't even take that forward - he would be laughed out of court. If there is no evidence of any involvement or interest as you have said repeatedly, you have nothing to even worry about. Although as I said, it is rare to find a father who pays child support regularly but has zero interest or involvement other than a few hours every few months.

It is not a rare find that Dad's pay child support regularly. That's like saying its a rare find that a Mom agrees to 50/50 or gives Dad all his visitation time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

She lives in the same building as its the building she wants to live in. It has nothing to do with Dad. He is getting 4 days a month. That is equal to every other weekend. He is paying child support and it is 50% his child that's why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

She lives in the same building as its the building she wants to live in. It has nothing to do with Dad. He is getting 4 days a month. That is equal to every other weekend. He is paying child support and it is 50% his child that's why.

Wrong on all accounts. I live in this building because of him. When our child was younger there was a hope that the proximity would facilitate a better and more frequent contact. As the years went on it became apparent that us living here meant nothing to my ex but my child was established at his school and I didn’t want to uproot him. No, a few hours on Sundays is not parenting by any stretch. They play video games and he feeds him McDonalds every weekend. Tells DS he has no money for anything better. Ex is actually a fenomenal cook but can’t be bothered to prepare a single meal for his child. I on the other hand, cook all of our meals, do drop off and pick up at school (another reason I live where I live). I am responsible for all of the homework which is not easy for a child with ADD. I take him to all of the drs and therapy appts, I do all of the school meetings. I do this for my child of course, but please cut the s”it about how a few hours of mine craft and movies is deserving of 50% legal custody. He doesn’t know his own son. How is he going to make decisions?

Furthermore, he cries to our son how he doesn’t have money for anything but McDonald’s but he has thousands to spend on a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

One of two things will will happen. The judge will question his newfound interest in his son. Or the judge will grant him what he wants because there is no real reason to deny him that. Then he is welcome to take him to be tested for a second opinion. Will that change your life currently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of two things will will happen. The judge will question his newfound interest in his son. Or the judge will grant him what he wants because there is no real reason to deny him that. Then he is welcome to take him to be tested for a second opinion. Will that change your life currently?

His lawyer has already brought up the testing and I said I had no objection to it. His questioning every decision I have to make for DS will greatly affect my life. Unless he does ANY of the work and participates, I don't see why he should have any say. You are either all in or you're out. This BS few hours of play on Sundays doesn't constitute parenting of any sort.

[Anonymous]

Unless the judge has reason to say no (abuse, etc), he/she will probably say yes. Sounds like your ex has someone whispering in his ear about the ADHD. Maybe his family? Just keep on keeping on taking your kid to therapy, etc. Nothing that I do with my kid requires two signatures except when I applied for his passport. Nothing school related or medical related either. He was diagnosed at Kennedy Krieger and none of it required anything from my ex.