I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

OK, so now we know how it all worked out in your favor OP. You were right about everything!

All this news thanks to a stranger on DCUM desperate to have an update on your situation. (cough-cough)

Yawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, wondering how your situation is doing. Hope things are ok.

Thanks so much for checking in. Finally, today he signed the consent order for visitation and legal custody. He agreed that I should have legal and physical custody so that's great. He got the visitation that he wanted which he was never denied in the first place. So for me, nothing really changes, thankfully!! I spent upwards of $8000 just to get in writing what was already happening for years but maybe that's a good thing.

The next issue is child support which will be decided based on a formula. Based on the formula in DC and both of our incomes, I should be getting $950 per month instead of $400 that he is currently paying. Good news on that front too.

I wanted to get the custody issue settled before we start negotiating child support because that was way more important to me.

Congrats OP - so glad common sense prevailed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, so now we know how it all worked out in your favor OP. You were right about everything!

All this news thanks to a stranger on DCUM desperate to have an update on your situation. (cough-cough)

Yawn.

Are you a d*ck to everyone in real life or just to total strangers online? I suggest you redirect your pent up anger (God knows about what) towards something productive.

Or, wait, are you a dead beat who hates to see good mothers get what they deserve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, wondering how your situation is doing. Hope things are ok.

Thanks so much for checking in. Finally, today he signed the consent order for visitation and legal custody. He agreed that I should have legal and physical custody so that's great. He got the visitation that he wanted which he was never denied in the first place. So for me, nothing really changes, thankfully!! I spent upwards of $8000 just to get in writing what was already happening for years but maybe that's a good thing.

The next issue is child support which will be decided based on a formula. Based on the formula in DC and both of our incomes, I should be getting $950 per month instead of $400 that he is currently paying. Good news on that front too.

I wanted to get the custody issue settled before we start negotiating child support because that was way more important to me.

Glad to hear it. I checked in because I was you a few years ago; different details but the short version is that my ex and I were not married when we had DS; when we split, we tried to do things amicably/off the books for years. It required little of him because I took full care of DS and declined child support (I out earn him several times over) and was flexible with the schedule so of course things were fine...until he got squirrelly and married a young woman in her early 20's, moved to a new apt in DC, and refused to say where(??). I congratulated him on his marriage (trust me, I don't want this guy) but said "how do you want to proceed from here? Your life has more moving parts now so let's just establish custody and set a schedule for DS". I will admit I had an agenda by legalizing our situation; with a SAHW he could easily sue me for custody and collect CS from me after I had cared for DS solo for 6 years. I didn't need anything from him, and like you wanted to encourage visitation, but I wasn't leaving myself exposed. It was a huuuuuge fight. He dodged and ducked and finally my atty had enough and set a court date; told my ex he'd pay his costs, my costs, *and* owe me CS if he didn't participate in the discussion. We said what do you want? What schedule/visitation? Speak up buddy. He wanted nothing. Ultimately he signed; I have full legal/phys custody. We've never heard from him again. I'm in close contact with his family and from what I understand, he hasn't changed.

DS is 8 now and amazingly well adjusted. We talk about his Dad. I share stories about him and qualities he has that he got from him. I've never uttered a single bad word about him and I never will. I've been honest; "Dad wasn't ready to be a parent; sometimes grown-ups don't know how to do this big and wonderful job. I know he loves you, even if he's not in your life. You have an amazing family and will always know where you came from". My heart hurts that I've given him a complicated start but I'm glad I laid groundwork early to eliminate drama, because life is long and we will hear from him again. I'm sure of it. But when that happens, I'll have no fear of our life being disrupted. I've never regretted it. You won't either. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, wondering how your situation is doing. Hope things are ok.

Thanks so much for checking in. Finally, today he signed the consent order for visitation and legal custody. He agreed that I should have legal and physical custody so that's great. He got the visitation that he wanted which he was never denied in the first place. So for me, nothing really changes, thankfully!! I spent upwards of $8000 just to get in writing what was already happening for years but maybe that's a good thing.

The next issue is child support which will be decided based on a formula. Based on the formula in DC and both of our incomes, I should be getting $950 per month instead of $400 that he is currently paying. Good news on that front too.

I wanted to get the custody issue settled before we start negotiating child support because that was way more important to me.

Glad to hear it. I checked in because I was you a few years ago; different details but the short version is that my ex and I were not married when we had DS; when we split, we tried to do things amicably/off the books for years. It required little of him because I took full care of DS and declined child support (I out earn him several times over) and was flexible with the schedule so of course things were fine...until he got squirrelly and married a young woman in her early 20's, moved to a new apt in DC, and refused to say where(??). I congratulated him on his marriage (trust me, I don't want this guy) but said "how do you want to proceed from here? Your life has more moving parts now so let's just establish custody and set a schedule for DS". I will admit I had an agenda by legalizing our situation; with a SAHW he could easily sue me for custody and collect CS from me after I had cared for DS solo for 6 years. I didn't need anything from him, and like you wanted to encourage visitation, but I wasn't leaving myself exposed. It was a huuuuuge fight. He dodged and ducked and finally my atty had enough and set a court date; told my ex he'd pay his costs, my costs, *and* owe me CS if he didn't participate in the discussion. We said what do you want? What schedule/visitation? Speak up buddy. He wanted nothing. Ultimately he signed; I have full legal/phys custody. We've never heard from him again. I'm in close contact with his family and from what I understand, he hasn't changed.

DS is 8 now and amazingly well adjusted. We talk about his Dad. I share stories about him and qualities he has that he got from him. I've never uttered a single bad word about him and I never will. I've been honest; "Dad wasn't ready to be a parent; sometimes grown-ups don't know how to do this big and wonderful job. I know he loves you, even if he's not in your life. You have an amazing family and will always know where you came from". My heart hurts that I've given him a complicated start but I'm glad I laid groundwork early to eliminate drama, because life is long and we will hear from him again. I'm sure of it. But when that happens, I'll have no fear of our life being disrupted. I've never regretted it. You won't either. Best of luck to you.

OP here, kudos to you for protecting yourself and your child. Every child needs at least one stable parent such as yourself and I'm sure your son will grow up to be a wonderful young man.