I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless the judge has reason to say no (abuse, etc), he/she will probably say yes. Sounds like your ex has someone whispering in his ear about the ADHD. Maybe his family? Just keep on keeping on taking your kid to therapy, etc. Nothing that I do with my kid requires two signatures except when I applied for his passport. Nothing school related or medical related either. He was diagnosed at Kennedy Krieger and none of it required anything from my ex.

Thanks for this info. I just don't want him saying our son doesn't need therapy or other interventions that I'm currently providing for my son. As for travel, I have always gotten his permission in a way of a notarized letter just in case they ask for it in other countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

She lives in the same building as its the building she wants to live in. It has nothing to do with Dad. He is getting 4 days a month. That is equal to every other weekend. He is paying child support and it is 50% his child that's why.

Why isn't Dad taking more time with his child when the child is so close? He can you know. He's not working. Why is a non-working father choosing to see his child only once a week?

Every child is 50% someone's, yet not every custody is split 50/50. Let's not confuse sperm donation with parenting. If it's 50% his child, he should do 50% of the work. Otherwise he should shut up and be grateful someone is taking care of your offspring.

[Anonymous]

I read them. Op wants more more and limited visits and yet says she needs more money to live in the same building as dad. None of it makes sense. She needs to file for child support for free at the office of child support and make a visitation plan. Or, if she wants him out of her child’s life move, stop taking child support and be done with it. She wants everything and not compromising. It would be nice to hear dads side but nothing makes sense that she says she has to live there for dad and yet dad never sees the child.

You should try re-reading the thread again and pay attention. The child's father has filed a motion for legal custody. That's the ENTIRE REASON for the thread.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

She lives in the same building as its the building she wants to live in. It has nothing to do with Dad. He is getting 4 days a month. That is equal to every other weekend. He is paying child support and it is 50% his child that's why.

Why isn't Dad taking more time with his child when the child is so close? He can you know. He's not working. Why is a non-working father choosing to see his child only once a week?

Every child is 50% someone's, yet not every custody is split 50/50. Let's not confuse sperm donation with parenting. If it's 50% his child, he should do 50% of the work. Otherwise he should shut up and be grateful someone is taking care of your offspring.

How can he when mom has full custody and he gets limited visitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I read them. Op wants more more and limited visits and yet says she needs more money to live in the same building as dad. None of it makes sense. She needs to file for child support for free at the office of child support and make a visitation plan. Or, if she wants him out of her child’s life move, stop taking child support and be done with it. She wants everything and not compromising. It would be nice to hear dads side but nothing makes sense that she says she has to live there for dad and yet dad never sees the child.

You should try re-reading the thread again and pay attention. The child's father has filed a motion for legal custody. That's the ENTIRE REASON for the thread.

Thank you.

Good for him. Hopefully the judge will allow him to be more involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

She lives in the same building as its the building she wants to live in. It has nothing to do with Dad. He is getting 4 days a month. That is equal to every other weekend. He is paying child support and it is 50% his child that's why.

Wrong on all accounts. I live in this building because of him. When our child was younger there was a hope that the proximity would facilitate a better and more frequent contact. As the years went on it became apparent that us living here meant nothing to my ex but my child was established at his school and I didn’t want to uproot him. No, a few hours on Sundays is not parenting by any stretch. They play video games and he feeds him McDonalds every weekend. Tells DS he has no money for anything better. Ex is actually a fenomenal cook but can’t be bothered to prepare a single meal for his child. I on the other hand, cook all of our meals, do drop off and pick up at school (another reason I live where I live). I am responsible for all of the homework which is not easy for a child with ADD. I take him to all of the drs and therapy appts, I do all of the school meetings. I do this for my child of course, but please cut the s”it about how a few hours of mine craft and movies is deserving of 50% legal custody. He doesn’t know his own son. How is he going to make decisions?

Furthermore, he cries to our son how he doesn’t have money for anything but McDonald’s but he has thousands to spend on a lawyer.

He is feeding the child so where is the issue. It sounds like you only will allow them to spend time together IF he does it your way by your rules. If he wants to spend his time playing video games and McDonalds that is ok. That is not abuse or neglect. It may nt be the best parenting but the important thing is they are spending time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I read them. Op wants more more and limited visits and yet says she needs more money to live in the same building as dad. None of it makes sense. She needs to file for child support for free at the office of child support and make a visitation plan. Or, if she wants him out of her child’s life move, stop taking child support and be done with it. She wants everything and not compromising. It would be nice to hear dads side but nothing makes sense that she says she has to live there for dad and yet dad never sees the child.

You should try re-reading the thread again and pay attention. The child's father has filed a motion for legal custody. That's the ENTIRE REASON for the thread.

Thank you.

Good for him. Hopefully the judge will allow him to be more involved.

NO ONE has stopped him from being involved over the years. He CHOSE to. I don't know what personal prejudice you have against moms, but that is not the case here. He didn't even ask for any physical custody in the complaint. He only wants visitation on Sunday. I try hard not to get worked up about responses like yours because you are just an instigator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Have you read the thread? Dad doesn't want more visitation. He had Sundays all along and all he wants is once a week visits on Sunday, nothing else. Yes, she is living in the same building so he can spend more time with the child (than once a week) but so far he has not done that. He doesn't want more than 1/7th of the work so why should he have 1/2 of decision rights?

She lives in the same building as its the building she wants to live in. It has nothing to do with Dad. He is getting 4 days a month. That is equal to every other weekend. He is paying child support and it is 50% his child that's why.

Wrong on all accounts. I live in this building because of him. When our child was younger there was a hope that the proximity would facilitate a better and more frequent contact. As the years went on it became apparent that us living here meant nothing to my ex but my child was established at his school and I didn’t want to uproot him. No, a few hours on Sundays is not parenting by any stretch. They play video games and he feeds him McDonalds every weekend. Tells DS he has no money for anything better. Ex is actually a fenomenal cook but can’t be bothered to prepare a single meal for his child. I on the other hand, cook all of our meals, do drop off and pick up at school (another reason I live where I live). I am responsible for all of the homework which is not easy for a child with ADD. I take him to all of the drs and therapy appts, I do all of the school meetings. I do this for my child of course, but please cut the s”it about how a few hours of mine craft and movies is deserving of 50% legal custody. He doesn’t know his own son. How is he going to make decisions?

Furthermore, he cries to our son how he doesn’t have money for anything but McDonald’s but he has thousands to spend on a lawyer.

He is feeding the child so where is the issue. It sounds like you only will allow them to spend time together IF he does it your way by your rules. If he wants to spend his time playing video games and McDonalds that is ok. That is not abuse or neglect. It may nt be the best parenting but the important thing is they are spending time together.

Right, whatever crumbs he offers should be graciously accepted by me and DS. Obviously I have no control over what they do on Sundays, but I don't want him impeeding my decisions when I do the ACTUAL parenting. So, if I have any say he will not get any legal custody.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not that he wants more time to spend with his kid. He's had that chance for years and never took it. The issue is that all of a sudden, halfway through his kid's childhood, he wants the ability to make decisions. This was prompted by a diagnosis that dad doesn't agree with. Hopefully judges can see the fact that dad is opportunistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not that he wants more time to spend with his kid. He's had that chance for years and never took it. The issue is that all of a sudden, halfway through his kid's childhood, he wants the ability to make decisions. This was prompted by a diagnosis that dad doesn't agree with. Hopefully judges can see the fact that dad is opportunistic.

I hope so too. Furthermore, he doesn't want any more involvement even today. He only wants Sunday play time. I offered several times that he take our DS during the week, make dinner and do homework. He just said no. No explanation, nothing.

[Anonymous]

I only read the first 4 pages and have to run. But let me just say that I think you should consult with a different lawyer. The fact that he's living off an inheritance does not magically make him destitute. The cost of the housing he has (I'm guessing it's similar to yours) would be construed as whatever the market value rent is. That's income, even if he doesn't actually touch the dollars. I'm guessing he isn't eating Spam and white bread, or never traveling, not subscribing to an internet service, paying utilities, etc... All of that is coming from somewhere besides a 1099.

Think about it. A former NFL star doesn't work anymore, but if he gets someone pregnant, they'll look at his wealth/assets when determining how much he has to pay in child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only read the first 4 pages and have to run. But let me just say that I think you should consult with a different lawyer. The fact that he's living off an inheritance does not magically make him destitute. The cost of the housing he has (I'm guessing it's similar to yours) would be construed as whatever the market value rent is. That's income, even if he doesn't actually touch the dollars. I'm guessing he isn't eating Spam and white bread, or never traveling, not subscribing to an internet service, paying utilities, etc... All of that is coming from somewhere besides a 1099.

Think about it. A former NFL star doesn't work anymore, but if he gets someone pregnant, they'll look at his wealth/assets when determining how much he has to pay in child support.

Thank you so much for this. I have communicated all of this to my lawyer and she agrees that he needs to show all of his income. We are currently waiting on his layers to come back to us with his financial information. If he tries to hide his income I will consider going to trial. However, I am more concerned about this legal custody issue than child support to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the judge has reason to say no (abuse, etc), he/she will probably say yes. Sounds like your ex has someone whispering in his ear about the ADHD. Maybe his family? Just keep on keeping on taking your kid to therapy, etc. Nothing that I do with my kid requires two signatures except when I applied for his passport. Nothing school related or medical related either. He was diagnosed at Kennedy Krieger and none of it required anything from my ex.

Thanks for this info. I just don't want him saying our son doesn't need therapy or other interventions that I'm currently providing for my son. As for travel, I have always gotten his permission in a way of a notarized letter just in case they ask for it in other countries.

This policy varies by doctor. I have had some doctors only require the consent of one parent. I have had other, very reputable, doctors refuse to treat without the explicit consent of both biological parents unless a copy of a court order or settlement provides otherwise.

I can relate to OP's fear. My DC had depression. The only reputable doctor I could get an appointment with was out of network and very expensive and would only treat with the consent of both parents. Since exDH was in denial of his own MI and had a difficult history with his MI mother, I feared he would reject treatment for DC. I also feared that if I asked him to share in half of the expenses of treatment (thousands of dollars) he would have refused.

I decided to eat the costs of treatment in order not to throw up any roadblocks. He consented to treatment. Doctor insists we all come for a visit together after he meets with DC. So, all of us pretend to get along well and be agreeable in front of the doctor because there is no option to be seen separately.

It's not an ideal situaiton, but it's better than no treatment at all.

[Anonymous]

I have 50/50 physical and legal custody with x-husband and let me tell you that if there were anything I could do to keep from having legal split like this, I'd do it. Fight tooth and nail. Like yours, my kid's dad doesn't believe that our kid has ADD. Teachers were doing/saying everything they legally could to urge us to have him tested, but his dad refused for years. Then he refused to believe the crystal clear results, and refused any therapy or meds. He then decided to talk to our kid endlessly about how bad it would be if he DID indeed have ADD, which made our child resistant to doing anything about it. Currently, he's refusing to let our child attend a much better school even though I've agreed to pay for it all myself. It absolutely sucks to have to get permission from an idiot to do things that are clearly in your child's best interest. People like that do things just to mess with the other parent. It's like he's a toddler who just wants to oppose whatever I suggest. I dread how he'll behave when it comes time to choose colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not that he wants more time to spend with his kid. He's had that chance for years and never took it. The issue is that all of a sudden, halfway through his kid's childhood, he wants the ability to make decisions. This was prompted by a diagnosis that dad doesn't agree with. Hopefully judges can see the fact that dad is opportunistic.

You should really talk with this more with your attorney. You have to strategize whether it is valuable for you to fight him for legal custody and if so how much will it cost versus how likely you are to win. Ask the attorney what you have to document to demonstrate that you have offered more time, and it has not been taken, and that you have been sole parent involved in education and medical decisions until he disagreed with some aspect of that.